Archive for Pandora

Lunar Living Dead

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Plaguers

Of course I believe that the six supermodels rescued from the U.S.S. Diane were hijacked by astro-pirates who killed the entire crew except them. Wouldn’t you?

Plaguers

Answering the distress call, the fuel transport ship Pandora picks up the silver platform boot-wearing hotties dressed in clothes picked up for cheap at a Star Trek rummage sale. No sooner than they’re on board before they reveal themselves as being the pirates. Dang them all to heck.

Plaguers

But what the pirates don’t know is that the Pandora is carrying a green glowing marble the size of a soccer ball called “Thanatos” (way dumb), a virus entity, which when cracked, leaks out Simple Green™ and turns whomsoever into flesh-gulping space zombies.

Plaguers

One by one, the crew fall prey to those infected and do nothing but chase everyone around for the rest of the movie. (I swear the zombies knew the camera was on them because one even stops to strike a pose.) While the zombies in Plaguers (2008) look somewhat decent (demon mouths, oil breath, open sores), I dare you not to LOL when two chicks fist fight each other. I haven’t seen that kind of wimpy b*tch slapping since I got into it with a stubborn twist top.

You Just Ate Your Date

Posted in Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Skinned Alive

Jeffrey is a painfully lonely young man who works as an insurance salesman schlub by day and a purchaser of professional women’s services by night. He wants female company so bad, he even asks heavily perfumed night workers out on dates. A big hell no. It appears even hookers have standards.

Skinned Alive

This until he meets Pandora, a woman who turns out to be everything he ever wanted – and a little more. She’s a cannibal, only able to eat flesh instead of bologna sandwiches or Applebee’s™ chili fries. Cheap date, so score for Jeff.

Skinned Alive

Pandora eats her clients, whom nobody seems to miss. (When you see ’em, you’ll understand why.) But Pandora starts falling for Jeffrey and they begin dating. Normally on the third date the girl lets the guy feel her up. But it isn’t until after he proposes marriage (jumping the gun – he doesn’t even know her last name) does she confesses her “nature.” “Are you Jewish?” “No – I’m an abomination of God,” she replies. “So you’re a Mormon…” That’s pretty dang funny.

Skinned Alive

No sex, though lots of boobies. Realistic epidermis munching helps flesh out (sorry) the plot, and though the premise is lurid, at its heart Skinned Alive (2008) is a feel good love story to be shared by all.