Archive for pancakes

The Day The Earth Drew Mud

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 12, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

X The Unknown

X The Unknown (1956) is a British sci-fi kickstarter about a sentient pile of liquid meatloaf that oozes up out of a fissure (or “crack”) in the Earth in search of radiation nutrients on which to feed. Good thing we Earthers have a lot of uranium laying around.

X The Unknown

Discovered during a Scottish military training session to teach soldiers how to use Geiger counters, the crack appears in a dirt pit that looks more like a moto-cross playground full of whiskey throttlers than the scene of a potential holocaust. Get close to the hole, you get flaky waxy skin and pancake sized herpes sores all over your back/face/short life. (Always wash your hands after getting close to holes.)

X The Unknown

Dr. Royston, an English scientist from the conveniently located Atomic Energy Laboratory, investigates when several townsfolk melt after encounters with the chocolate colored couscous. He hypothesizes (guesses out loud) that the living energy form is prehistoric in nature and got trapped underground when the Earth’s pancake crust cooled in its pre-people days. Now it’s really freakin’ starvinated and wants a steaming pile of radiation with a human side salad to feast upon. Good thing we Earthers have a lot of uranium laying around.

X The Unknown

The scientist, military and local police figure out a way to lure the fudge brownie mix back into the crack and blow it up for the benefit of all mankind. And to think all they had to do was drop a car-sized roll of toilet paper into the hole and let the monster wipe itself out.

Blobs

X The Unknown, though, was the precursor for 1958’s The Blob, which beget a sequel (Beware! The Blob/1972), a remake (The Blob/1988), and was the source material for the R.L. Stine Goosebumps™ rip-off book, The Blob That Ate Everyone (1997).

Still, I can’t shake the nagging feeling that I’ve seen this gravy-stained lumpy pile of mashed potatoes before. Sigh. It’s gonna stick in my crack all day long. Oh wait, I know! It looks just like…Dairy Queen™!

Slasher Pancakes

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lumberjack Man

“This camp sits on the sinkhole of Hell..”

That’s pretty funny. I would’ve said “stinkhole,” but hey, what do I know about Hell other than living it every day of my life. (I said days, not nights. That’s a different blog posting.)

But funny is how the filmmakers behind the horror comedy Lumberjack Man (releasing October 16, 2015) want you to react. And after viewing the trailer, I concur. Here’s why…

Lumberjack Man

“As the staff of Good Friends Church Camp prepares for a spring break filled with Fun Under the Son, a demon logger rises from his sap boiler to wreak his vengeance and feast on flapjacks soaked in the blood of his victims…”

Lumberjack Man

Flapjacks – I guess that’s what you call pancakes if they’re made outdoors. That this demon logger pours blood on ’em instead of artificial maple syrup purchased from a established grocery outlet, is probably another regional thing.

Lumberjack Man

Regardless, this tongue-in-cheek homage to ’80s slashers is pretty funny and bubbling with flapjackin’ slappin’ dialogue, bouncing babes, blood, gunk, and other stuff not meant for the breakfast table. The dinner table? That’s a whole other blog.

Toasty Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Freddy Krueger toast. Okay, it’s official – I’ve now seen everything.

As high camp as this is, A Nightmare on Elm Street toaster ($54.99 at BigBadToyStore.com), which burns Freddy’s image into bread, is still pretty dang cool. Hey, Jesus has been showing up in tortillas and pancakes for years. Time to share in the wealth.

The press release for this product is hilarious…

“He terrorized your dreams while you slept…and now Freddy Krueger haunts your breakfast when you wake up!”

“But don’t worry — while the Springwood Slasher may have felt the burn, your bread and bagels will only endure the perfect amount of heat, toasting the shape of Freddy’s signature bladed glove into each slice.”

“UL-tested and approved, our collectible toaster includes illuminated function buttons for Cancel, Reheat, and Frozen. The Nightmare on Elm Street logo appears on its stylish, glossy black finish. Watch out – it’s the bastard toast of a thousand loafs!”

Bastard toast of a thousand loafs. Man, that’s killer. All of a sudden I feel sorry for people on gluten-restrictive diets. One can only hope Halloween’s Michael Myers will come out with a line of pre-sliced tofu for those who vomit and get diarrhea from eating sandwiches. Ones not made at 7-Eleven™, anyway.