Archive for ozone

Werewolf Vampire Mix Tape

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 7, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rage of the Werewolf

Rage of the Werewolf (1999) finds Earth infested with lycanthropes (and vampires and mutants) whose dormant genes have been activated by the moon’s gravitational suck, which was pushed closer to our ozone by a meteor. Stupid space rocks – always up to atmospheric assh*lery.

Rage of the Werewolf

A power mad werewolf captures a vampire to mix their blood in order to create a super monster hybrid (this concept pre-dated evolution by years), the plan being to rid the world of stink humans who hunt them for their pelts.

Rage of the Werewolf

Horror icon Debbie Rochon plays the delicious Kessa, a female vampire who is used for the biting experiments. Working on a $1.50 budget, Rage of the Werewolf can be excused for the silliest looking werewolves this side of Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988/bear costumes with rubber fangs). The monsters growl like they’re working on a stubborn stool, but there is a nice amount of gore — and Debbie.

To think what they could have done with a $3.00 budget.

Spider: Made By Volkswagon

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spiders

What started as an anemic sci-fi yawnfest, Spiders (2000) turned into a goopy killfest almost worthy of a video store rental fee.

Three college paranormal investigators working for the school newspaper witness the crash of the space shuttle. Mutated spiders made it fall from the ozone after eating the brains of the occupants (Astro – nots. Ha!).

Spiders

The infected bodies are taken to a secret military base, and the news-minded team infiltrate because the truth is in there somewhere. A lot of yackety-yacking until one of the reporters gets bitten by a spider that bursts out of an expired skull and the splatter starts to matter.

Spiders

The killer bug grows to the size of a Volkswagen Beetle™, and oh what a tangled web he weaves. Super spidey breaks out of the army base and goes on a casual rampage through the college campus where it further expands to the size of a mutated Volkswagen Beetle™. The monster bug crushes cars, smashes buildings and eats undergraduates.

Spiders

One surviving military guy and the hot chick reporter get in a helicopter conveniently parked near the college and, using bazookas, blast the bug into spider spaghetti. The star chick is really hot, but she blows many an opportunity to distract the spider by taking her top off. When will humans ever learn?

All in all, satisfactory fun if you can fast forward through the first half.

Spiders

Sun Gone Wild

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Solar Attack

Solar Attack (2006), a story about the earth’s atmosphere burning up, is about farting.

The sun farts (generically referred to as CME, or “coronal mass emission”) and sends said emission on a collision course with Planet Us. That’s not so bad. But all the farts we’ve been snapping off have created an elevated level of methane gas close to the ozone. That’s not so bad. But the holes in the ozone are big enough to let the CMEs in, where it ignites the methane, which burns like a hard fart and takes out all the oxygen we’re currently recycling. That’s bad.

Solar Attack

A radical plan is formulated to extinguish the incoming fire storm: detonate nuclear warheads over the North Pole, thereby sucking up enough water particles into the atmosphere, and hopefully putting out God’s BBQ. U.S. subs don’t have any nuclear warheads in the area that can handle the job. But the Russian sub does. It’s enough to make you fart in your own pants.

Solar Attack

Even though it borrows liberally from Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (the 1961 movie, not the TV show) with a smattering of The Hunt For Red October (1990) thrown in, Solar Attack has some squeezy moments that’ll keep you from lighting your own farts to see if the theory about methane catching on fire will suck up the atmosphere and kill us all. P.S. You’re thinking about doing that right now, I can tell.