Archive for Northern California

Real Bigfeet, Ghost Relatives, Homeless Aliens

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot

Finally — inarguable photographic proof of Bigfoot’s existence. This recent, highly convincing picture of Bigfoot relieving himself next to a pond should silence all those blow-hard debunkers. What else do you need — a urine sample?

Bigfoot

This astonishing pic, credited to David Raygoza, was taken at Avocado Lake in Northern California, where Bigfoot is factually known to hang out. This story was reported to Fox 26 by Jeffrey Gonzalez, a self-described paranormal expert, who said he heard about the sighting from a local farmer who also claimed he saw the cool cryptid and five others running on his ranch near said lake.

Bigfoot

“One of them, which was extremely tall, had a pig over its shoulder,” Gonzalez said. “And the five scattered and the one with the pig was running so fast it didn’t see an irrigation pipe and it tripped, with the pig flying over.”

Aha — there you go! Most people said they wouldn’t believe in Bigfoot until pigs fly. I rest my case.

While we pack up and head for Avocado Lake to share some farm fresh bacon with Bigfoot, here are a few just released/upcoming horror and sci-fi films passed down through unverified second-hand sources…

Antihuman

ANTIHUMAN (available now/VOD)
“A young woman returns to the secluded, abandoned psychological research facility where her deceased mother once worked. Accompanied by three friends, she discovers that the ghosts of the past have found their way to the present when the hospital’s legacy of experimentation and madness tears away all known bounds of time, memory and space.”

I don’t have any ghosts from my past. A few werewolves, a science mistake or two, but no ghosts. Which is weird because I have a history of experimentation and madness. It’s practically my corporate slogan.

After The Lethargy

AFTER THE LETHARGY (2017/Stiges Film Festival)
“Reporter Sara travels to the hot spot where one of the most extraordinary contacts with extraterrestrials in history supposedly took place. A forest ranger and a sinister villager, accompany the girl, helping her to overcome the dangers that nature entails. Despite good intentions, they will soon be attacked by a creature that lives in the depths of the forest, being forced to take refuge in an old abandoned military barracks.”

There’s so many of those pesky extraterrestrials on Earth now, they’re living in our abandoned military barracks and under our bridges by the freeway in tents that look like Gore-Texspaceships.

Haunted

HAUNTED (November 24, 2017/Norway)
“When Catherine’s father passes away, she has to travel to the abandoned family estate to facilitate the sale. Catherine wants to get it done quickly to avoid digging too deep in her family’s mysterious past. However, the house makes a strong impression on Catherine, but why does she remember so little? The locals tell stories of mysterious disappearances and possible murders. Confronted with the past, old wounds are torn up and Catherine becomes immersed in what she has been protected from, but may also have chosen to forget?”

Unless you had killer heavy metal vomit parties there all the time in the past, of course you’d want to forget. Then again, you probably wouldn’t be able to remember anything if those parties were any good.

The Midnight Man

THE MIDNIGHT MAN (2017/2018)
“Alex and her two friends commence a game summoning the fearsome Midnight Man. Using their worst fears against them, and not above a bit of manipulation when it’s called for, The Midnight Man plays to win in a game that Alex — and others before her — definitely started at their own risk.”

There are so many movies (and books) called Midnight Man, I actually went out at midnight expecting to see the streets teeming with MMs bumping into each other. Instead, I just saw drunks coming out of bars. So I guess that kinda counts. So THIS Midnight Man seems to recall so many horror movie plots, the streets are teeming with them. And those plots were written by writers who were clearly drunk.

This Horror Is For The Birds

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Birds

Bodega Bay in Northern California is a small seaside town. Until recently, all was Norman Rockwell life as usual as life could be living next to stinky low tides.

The Birds

A snubbed rich socialite shows up to chase – and possibly hook up with – a fashion catalog worthy handsome man. He thinks she’s a b*tch. She kinda is. But hey, she’s high tide hot, so my advice would be to play this one out.

The Birds

This encounter coincides with unusual attacks on the townsfolk by indigenous birds, which may or may not include flesh-eating pterodactyls. OK, maybe not. A metaphor on how women nag men, the pecking escalates into a full-blown war on all things human by countless seagulls, murders of crows, a duck, and I think a squadron or two of vultures. Time to cry fowl. Heh.

The Birds

Eyes get jabbed out by beaks of destruction. Children birthday parties get spoiled by air raids of gulls. Cars get covered with metric tons of bird sh*t. The socialite takes refuge at the handsome man’s house where he lives with his little sister and conservative mother, all of whom are beleaguered by the winged doom-bringers. Who would have thought mere stupid birds could bring so much beaked beat down?

The Birds

Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds (1963) is one of the all time greatest horror movies ever because the killer birds are real. No stunt feathers here. Amazingly, there is no soundtrack to this film either, so oboe warnings of impending attacks are nowhere to be heard.

The Birds

And the birds? They’re about to rearrange the pecking order of the entire Human Race. Heh.

Demonic Doggy

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Devil Dog: The Hound From Hell

As horror movie “monsters” go, you’d have to dig deep to find one worse than the malevolent mutt in Devil Dog: The Hound From Hell (1978). Beside boasting one of the worst movie titles to ever come out of a movie studio boardroom, the purgatory pup, with horns, looks likes he’s been listening to a bit too much punk rock and dressing like Liza Mannelli.

With no attempt to explain why, a Northern California suburban satanic cult in nutty purple robes buys a female German shepherd, ties her to a pentagram, and invokes you-know-who to use the dog as a host. To what end? To do evil stuff. Duh.

Devil Dog: The Hound From Hell

The possessed dog give birth to ten pups, one of which ends up in a middle-class household with shag carpeting for miles: dad, sexy mom, a teen due and a pre-teen tweener. The family dog was just run over, so time to get over it and accept the new little poop maker from a stranger.

Devil Dog: The Hound From Hell

A year later, Lucky (slick name) make his eyes glow and bad things happen. The maid catches on fire. Dad nearly sticks his hand into Hollywood lawn mower blades. Prince, the neighbor’s suspicious Great Dane, mysteriously gets chomped to death. Now it’s the Dog Formerly Known as Prince. And yeah, his owner ends up face down in a really nice swimming pool. (It should be noted Lucky stays in regular dog mode and only powers up when he needs to eliminate perceived threats to domain.)

Devil Dog: The Hound From Hell

His family now under the spell of Lucky and doing bad things themselves (the son stole a watch, the criminal), dad figures things out and consults a hippie zodiac woman who tells him he’s f’d in the b-hole unless he goes to Ecuador to find a spiritual Indian Shaman in a cave who draws a protective pentagram on dad’s palm.

Devil Dog: The Hound From Hell

Dad comes home and draws Devil Dog to the industrial plant where he works in a plush office. Cornered in a room with pipes blowing off a little steam, D-Dog appears all dressed up and about ten times the size he used to be. Hate to clean up after one of his pooping sprees. This, of course, is one of the lamest special effects in modern horror cinema – it’s a projected image, with Lucky barking out his bloodthirsty tales while dad struggles with emoting.

Outside of dad shining his protected palm at Lucky and sending him back to Hell’s Kennel, you already know the “twist” ending – and it has a lot to do with you shutting off the TV.