Archive for Night of the Demons

Not The Stairway To Heaven

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 31, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Doorway

The instructions to make The Doorway (2000) must’ve come off a box of Count Chocula™: Take four college kids, put ’em in a haunted house, have a doorway to Hell in the basement, and let unnatural nature take its course. 

The Doorway

Of course the ancient medallion keeping the doorway to Hell from swinging both ways is knocked off the sacred nail holding back epic evil, and a succubus (female demon that likes to get jiggy) roams from bedroom to bedroom, wreaking mattress havoc and sticking out her plastic green tongue.

The Doorway

The students try and solve the mystery of the skanky spook by hooking up with their ghost-hunting college professor, Roy Scheider. (Hey, this was the guy who kicked Jaws’ wet butt, so it was a strategic move.) The only thing missing is a dog named Scooby Doo. Rory doesn’t last long, though, getting his entire face ripped in half by the face-ripping face-ripper. Then everybody else falls prey to the smelly forces emanating from the basement. 

The Doorway

There’s a happy assortment of boobs and a lingering sex scene, which was pleasant on an R-rated sliding scale. The creatures that come a’knockin’, however, aren’t particularly scary, nor unique. In fact, the whole flick lamely rips off The Legend of Hell House (1973), The Amityville Horror (1979), Night of the Demons (1988),  and Hellraiser (1987), without batting an evil eye. 

The Doorway

The girls are cute (especially the short blonde chick), but the guys are dorks of chess club proportions. In the end, it all sucks. But the thing about doorways is that you can always go out the same way you came in.

Coven Lovin’ From The Oven

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Witchouse II: Blood Coven

Nothing, not even a coven of witches, can stand in the way of progress – in this case, a shopping mall. Before the notorious Covington House can be leveled to make way for YET ANOTHER Starbucks™, they have to resurrect and identify those stinky bodies buried on the haunted grounds.

Witchouse II: Blood Coven

Enter several students from the local university to do DNA testing to determine just how evil the 200 year old bones are. One thing predictably leads to another and before you know it, that pesky Lilith, a busty witch with bad teeth and even badder intentions, has returned to wreak mediocre havoc on those who would disturb her beauty sleep.

Witchouse II: Blood Coven

About as scary as an episode of Goosebumps, Witchouse II: Blood Coven (1999), which rips off Night of the Demons (1988), goes one better than its predecessor – it sucks twice as much. No nudity, no swearing, barely any gore, and some of the lamest dialogue this side of a Drinkin’ & Drive-in box social. Still trying to figure out why I thought watching it was a good idea.

Witchouse II: Blood Coven

Sex Monster and Barnyard Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It Follows

A couple of upcoming new ones that look old. But they’re not. They’re new. For reals.

First up is It Follows, due out March 13, 2015, probably before lunch, but definitely after breakfast. It involves a young girl who is plagued by nightmarish visions after an “innocent sexual encounter” in the back seat of a car.

OK, no sexual encounters are innocent. That’s what organized religion tries to drill into our horn dog brains. Secondly, who hasn’t had nightmarish visions after hooking up? Think Lair of the White Worm (1988) and go from there.

ANYWAY…after said hook up, 19-year-old Jay (chick with a dude’s name) can’t shake the sensation that someone – or something – is following her. As the threat closes in, Jay and her friends must somehow escape the horrors that are only a few steps behind.

I bet it’s organized religion.

The Barn

An old school treatment for The Barn arrives October 1, 2015 in the form of some of those cool illustrated ’80s style horror movie posters. And the plot feels right out of that era as well. Behold…

“It’s Halloween 1989. Best friends Sam and Josh are trying to enjoy what’s left of their final Devil’s Night before graduating high school. But trouble arises when the two pals and a group of friends take a detour on their way to a rock concert, finding an old abandoned barn and awakening the evil inside.

Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to protect their friends and defeat the creatures that lurk within “The Barn.”

One can barely imagine the horrible creatures in a barn: pigs, horses, cows, rats, bugs, snakes, spiders, poisonous squirrels, stink beetles, electric eels…

Could this be the Old MacDonald version of Night of the Demons (1988)? I will ponder that over a nice breakfast of barn eggs, barn sausage and horse apples. OK, probably not that last one.