Archive for New Jersey

Slasher Swimmer, Eating Your Ex, Neighborhood Sharks

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jason Voorhees

Like the red balloons tied to sewer drains in homage marketing to It (2017, the life-size statue of Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th series placed at the bottom of a popular (but unnamed) diving lake in Minnesota (chained to a boulder and dropped unceremoniously into Camp Crystal Lake in Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI/1986), is beyond cool. If you were diving in the lake and came upon “Jason”, there is a steep probability you’ll end up polluting the water. Confidence is high.

Jason Voorhees

According to news reports, the statue was put there by an unknown fan/prankster (Frankster?) in 2013, where it continues to wait for the right moment to spring out and start knocking over canoes, which I think is unlawful and just plain mean. (P.S. The original film’s Camp Crystal Lake is in New Jersey.)

While we try and top that, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not belong at the bottom of a lake…

Apartment 212

APARTMENT 212 (March 16, 2018)
Jennifer Conrad is a small-town girl starting over in the big city. Fleeing an abusive relationship, all she wants is a chance to begin again. But it is hard to start over when something is eating you while you sleep…one painful bite at a time.”

Either her boyfriend is a romantic cannibal, or it’s time to call Orkin™. Or, she could just bleach the sheets.


CAUGHT (March 30, 2018)
“While on an afternoon walk with their children, two small town reporters notice the military camped on a hilltop. Debating the possible significance of this activity, they answer their door when two unusual strangers come knocking and find themselves held hostage in their own home.”

Several theories — the military is there, waiting to capture visiting aliens. Or the unusual strangers could be nothing more than delivery guys for AmazonFresh Grocery™. Or they simply could be Mormons. Or Mormons delivering groceries with a message of hope and upcoming sales.

It Hungers

“Fact. When people become frightened, their bodies are flooded with a stress hormone called Cortisol. There is a creature that feeds on humans, but only when our bodies are ripe with fear and flooded with Cortisol. Only then does it like the taste of human flesh. Only then will it feed Deep in the forest, a beautiful young woman on the run from the law escapes into the creature’s lair. Like a chef preparing his meal, the creature unleashes a phantom to terrify her. A macabre clown. Once she is terrified enough to be consumed, the creature will move in for the kill. But she is no ordinary girl and she is ready fight to survive.”

Color me ignorant, but isn’t this a bald-face rip-off of It (2017)? (Um, I don’t know what the color of ignorant is — I’m hoping something in a nice mauve, perhaps.)

House Shark

“You’re gonna need a bigger house! When Frank finds his happy home under attack by a dangerous but largely unknown breed of shark, he’s enlists the aid of the world’s only ‘House Shark’ expert, Zachary, and a grizzled former real estate agent, Abraham, to embark on a desperate quest to destroy the beast and claim back his life. It’s Jaws in a house!”

Full disclosure — I already flagged this one in August of 2015. Amazing that’s its taking this long to get the “film” out there. So what’s next — Condo Shark? Apartment Rental Shark? Airbnb Shark? If they come up with Flophouse Shark, though, I’m totally in.

King Kong’s Kid

Posted in Classic Horror, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Son of Kong

Son of Kong (1933) picks up right after King Kong (1933) ends, with more crushable humans heading back to Skull Island, where they meet Kiko, the laid back son of Kong. Kinda flummoxed as to why they didn’t go with Wife of Kong or Kong’s Mom as the first sequel; The offspring of King Kong just explodes my head with more questions.

Son of Kong

Failed filmmaker Carl Denham, who brought King Kong to New York with disastrous results, is about to get sued for trillions of banana skins for the cataclysmic catastrophe caused by his misbehaved monkey. Denham doesn’t have that kind of cash lying around, so he goes back to Skull Island after hearing there was buried treasure just waiting for the scooping.

Son of Kong

Traveling by boat (sea trains were as yet not invented in 1933), some scuffling breaks out and the ships captain boots everyone off his stinky vessel. The five exiles make it to the island where the natives, remembering the crap Denham stirred up during his last vacation there, blame him for the cataclysmic catastrophe caused to their jungle town and want to sue. I tell you, this guy cannot get a break.

Son of Kong

Denham and his expatriates meet “Little Kong” and discover he’s a lot more even tempered than his old man. Some dinosaurs show up, some words were said, a few people get eaten. And Son of K, being the nice guy he strives to be, defends them. That is, until an earthquake, probably caused by caused by Godzilla, sinks the island and all the lawyers on it. Kong, though, sacrifices himself to save Denham, his friends and the treasure. The survivors make it back to the mainland, live large and drink lots of banana margaritas and barely speak of…That Day.

Later, Little Kong’s sea bloated body washes up on the Jersey shore where it was repurposed as a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. You have to watch all through the credits to get to the good stuff.

Son of Kong