Archive for Nazi

Virtual Undead, Love-Struck Mermaids, Death Janitor

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare

Want to experience demon-possessed zombies without letting them stick pencils into the squishy marshmallow that is your flesh? (Tell me you got that reference.) Well now you can do it writing-utensil-free with Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare.

Deadite

As first reported by Bloody_Disgusting.com, the online site Horror-Fix.com issued a press release: “Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare will offer fans a truly unique opportunity to fully immerse themselves within The Evil Dead universe unlike ever before. With 360 degree sound and vision the players can roam freely around The Evil Dead world. Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare will offer players a thrilling experience in first person mode inside the infamous cabin and engage them taking on Deadites in the surrounding forest.”

Deadite

This sounds way cooler than the virtual horror reality that is real life. While we wait for Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare to arrive June 2018 on iOS and Android devices (this sucks as I only have a walkie-talkie — hey, it was FREE), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not seem real to you…

Sequence Break

SEQUENCE BREAK (May 24, 2018/Shudder™)
“A reclusive video arcade repairman experiences bizarre biomechanical mutations and Cronenbergian hallucinations when a mysterious new arcade machine appears in his shop. Reality itself threatens to fracture as the young man works to solve its mystery — and overcome the new chaos that has entered his life.”

I’m a bit unclear with this — when doesn’t an arcade machine cause mutations and hallucinations? Heck, that’s why I play ‘em! I bet the arcade machine takes your soul instead of quarters. Too bad — I have more quarters than soul.

The Mermaid: Lake of the Dead

THE MERMAID: LAKE OF THE DEAD (July 19, 2018)
“An evil mermaid — who was once a beautiful young woman that drowned centuries ago — falls in love with a woman’s fiancée and aims to take him back to her deadly underwater kingdom.”

Sounds like Splash! (1984), but with the high potential for grievous bodily harm. Not clear on why the mermaid is evil. I’ll have to consult Flipper. He’s so dang smart.

Overlord

OVERLORD (October 26, 2018)
“Two paratroopers are caught behind enemy lines after their plane crashes on a mission to destroy a German radio tower in a small town outside of Normandy during the D-Day invasion. After reaching their target, the two paratroopers come to realize that besides fighting off Nazi soldiers, they also must combat against supernatural forces that are a result of a secret Nazi experiment.”

Nazis are the go-to bad guys in lots of horror movies, second only to vampires and sharks. Maybe they should all start a band.

The Cleaning Lady

THE CLEANING LADY (2018/2019)
“As a means to distract herself from an affair, a love-addicted woman befriends a cleaning lady, badly scarred by burns. She soon learns, these scars run much deeper than the surface.”

If you work with cleaning solvents and are badly scarred by burns, quit washing your face with Clorox™ followed by a good burnishing with an S.O.S.™ pad. (P.S. Do NOT wash your face with Clorox™ — unless you want to look like The Joker.)

Barnyard Nazi Demon

Posted in Evil, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Creek

Evan thought his older brother was dead, something his aging dad seems to hold against him. What a dick. If dad knew that Victor, who disappeared while on a hunting trip in backwoods West Virginia, was still alive, he might not be so hard on the 20-something boy, who carries his brother’s “death” around like a bag of guilt cannonballs.

Blood Creek

When Victor unexpectedly turns up a few years later with bloody scars all over his body, well hey — time to celebrate. Except don’t hug him, as the wounds are still kinda fresh.

Blood Creek

Victor had been kidnapped by the Wollners, a German family that’s about 75 years old — even the little girl. The Wollners needed Victor’s blood to keep an occult Nazi, now more demon than misguided military man, barely alive and confined in the barn next to a Nazi horse. The Nazi was looking for a runestone that was in the family’s basement and… It factors in, so roll with it.

Blood Creek

Victor needs Evan’s help to go back to the farm with hunting rifles for some U.S. styled revenge. And here’s where the aptly-named Blood Creek plows some gloriously gory fields. It’s not enough to shoot the family in the face, No, Victor has a score to settle with the demon in the barn, who, unfortunately gets loose before he can shoot the man-creature in the face.

Blood Creek

The Nazi zombie’s horse is also evil and, in one of many classic scenes, gallops into the kitchen and goes all bull in a China shop. Slick carnage, stylized flashbacks, and more split skin than a discount sausage factory. You’ll keep texting yourself “WTF?” as this raw horror unfolds. But don’t text me, as I don’t do texting. I did like Blood Creek (2009), however.

A Jar of Nazis

Posted in Classic Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

They Saved Hitler's Brain

They Saved Hitler’s Brain (1968) boasts one of the best sci-fi movie titles of all time. However, it wasn’t Hitler’s brain they saved, but rather his whole head from the neck up. And the head is alive, stored safely in a glass jar, not unlike where you’d put jellybeans or oatmeal raisin cookies.

They Saved Hitler's Brain

For the first hour +, the done-on-the-cheap movie (adapted from the 1963 feature film, Madmen of Mondoras) is nothing more than spy vs. spy, with people shooting each other and traveling to South America (where Hitler’s noggin is shelved) to shoot at each other some more.

They Saved Hitler's Brain

Everyone’s trying to gain possession of Hitler’s glowering face and rolling eyes. He can talk, but only has one line. (He mostly just makes facial emojis.) Not sure why his notorious upper lip goatee remains neatly trimmed; it’s not like you could take the head to a barbershop for a little off the top. Heh. Maybe they change the movie’s title to They Shaved Hitler’s Brain.

Hitler's Brain

So how did Hitler survive, even though the fake news said he committed suicide like a sniveling b*tch in 1945? A team of doctors surgically removed his head as Allied Forces were closing in so that Hitler could fall back and regroup his Nazi efforts to once again try and take over the world.

They Saved Hitler's Brain

Preparing to detonate a gas bomb that would kill everybody in Mondoras (that’s just plain mean), the head jar, sitting in the back seat of a car driven by his loyal followers, is being relentlessly pursued by the opposing team. A few well tossed hand grenades later brings the display case face to a candle melt-y end. Is the movie over at this point? Nope — there’s few celebratory smooches and even a what-the-heck-let’s-get-married cap to put on this head.

Expensive Aliens, World War Werewolves, Wrinkled Time

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien

The seriously talented folks at studioADI have come up with jaw-dropping, stand-alone art pieces based on the creatures in Alien3 (1992). Alien: Resurrection (1997). Too bad they didn’t do one of Ripley in her space underwear in Alien (1979). That was a groundbreaking moment in modern sci-fi.

Alien

Among the holiday dinner centerpieces are the Alien Warrior Half Head ($3,000/limited to 150), the Alien Newborn ($2,000/limited to 100) and the more affordable Alien Queen Embryo ($400). Each of these large and magnificently created xenomorphs will make you scream with glee — or just plain scream. (Don’t do that in space — no one can hear you.)

Alien

If you have a pocket full of space Benjamins, you can click HERE to procure one or more of the coveted designs.

While we’re ransacking the swear jar (mine’s full), here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not look cool on your occasional table…

Infinity Chamber

INFINITY CHAMBER (available now)
“Locked up in an automated prison, Frank Lerner undergoes an interrogation process that forces him to relive the same day over and over. When a war erupts on the outside, he must find a way to escape from a computer system that won’t let him go.”

Hate to break it to you, Frankie — you’re actually in a cubicle in an office building downtown at your day job. And if you’re married? Another prison. Sucks to be you.

Islamic Exorcist

ISLAMIC EXORCIST (available now)
“An Indian couple are devastated when their adopted daughter becomes possessed by a demon. After the father shoots her to death, an investigative journalist delves into the couple’s scary past.”

This is said to have been released out last July (2017, in case you forgot what year this is). Demonic entities are supposed to e-mail me when these types of movies come out. I don’t have time to be checking their Linkedin pages.

Werewolves of the Third Reich

WEREWOLVES OF THE THIRD REICH (December 5, 2017)
“In Germany at the height of World War II, a ragtag group of American soldiers discover Doctor Mengele’s diabolical plan to create an unstoppable army of Nazi werewolves.”

Nazi werewolves. Wonder if they bark in German? The German word for “bark” is “borke.” Wonder if the Nazi werewolves borke in German?

A Wrinkle In Time

A WRINKLE IN TIME (March 9, 2018)
“Meg Murry and her little brother, Charles Wallace, have been without their scientist father, Mr. Murry, for five years, ever since he discovered a new planet and used the concept known as a tesseract to travel there. Joined by Meg’s classmate Calvin O’Keefe and guided by the three mysterious astral travelers known as Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who and Mrs. Which, the children brave a dangerous journey to a planet that possesses all of the evil in the universe.”

This is the latest adaption of the same-named 1962 science fantasy novel written by Madeleine L’Engle. (I quit reading books when I found out the TV had multiple channels.) It’s a big-budget movie with lots of big time movie stars. This means paying big bucks to see it on the Imax™ screen will put a wrinkle in your wallet.

 

 

Bat Ticker, Lighthouse Ghosts, Horror Hillbillies

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batman

If you hate super villains and hate being late, you can solve both problems by picking up a limited edition Batman-themed watch.

Designed by watchmaker Romain-Jerome, this must-have timepiece features a glowing Bat-Signal and a meticulous reproduction of a map of Gotham City cut into the rear sapphire glass. Powie! R-J also makes other Batman themed watches including the DNA, which is described as being “a denser, more Dark-Knight-style timepiece.”

Batman

There’s a few things you should know about this watch: It’s production is limited to 75 and costs $19,500. I’d buy it (with a post-dated check), but I’m used to wasting time, not keeping track of it.

While you’re thinking about hitting up Bruce Wayne for a down payment on the watch, here are a few just-released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not punch your clock…

Lighthouse Keeper

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER (available now)
“Marooned on a remote peninsula and haunted by frightening specters, a young man must confront the grotesque denizens of the night, or heed the Lighthouse Keeper’s cryptic warning to, ‘Always keep a light burning!’”

This one’s based on the 1849 Edgar Allen Poe story, “The Light-House.” Didn’t know they had books back then. (I have a TV like normal people.) Lighthouse Keeper features ghosts and maybe a transparent clam or two, but no octopus creatures, which Poe sometimes favored (i.e., Cthulhu). The special effects are cheesy enough as to be the snacks you’d eat while watching it.

B.R.A.I.N.S.

B.R.A.I.N.S. (available now/MidnightPix.com)
“It is October 5, 1957 and with the Soviet launch of Sputnik-1, The Space Race has begun. Rogue Air Force General Frank Chapman is determined to establish a military base on the Moon before the Russians. Using Nazi mad science, headed by Dr. Werner Brandt, General Chapman has outfitted a modified German V-2 rocket with a nosecone capsule just large enough for a human head. The cephalic pilot will guide the rocket on a one-way lunar mission — beating the Commies to the Moon!”

A space head flying a rocket to the moon. There is nothing about this I do not like. B.R.A.I.N.S. is also said to include from some of the greatest cult genre movies ever, like 1962’s The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (another talking head movie) and The Last Man On Earth (1964). Could it be any more awesome?

Kyrsya: Tuftland

KYRSYÄ: TUFTLAND (2018)
“Balancing between a failed relationship, uninspiring studies and financial problems, headstrong student Irina finds herself stuck in the modern rat race. To overcome her problems she decides to accept an unusual summer job offer at the secluded and self sufficient village of Kyrsyä. As Irina begins to get a grip of herself in the middle of the endless Finnish forest, the supposedly harmless hillbillies begin to reveal their true nature.”

Hillbillies, even Finnish ones, are the furthest thing from harmless as you can get. These mountain hippies all look like ZZ Top, drink booze made out of homemade gasoline and have personal hygiene that would make Bigfoot’s eyes water. Warning: All hillbillies are accompanied by banjo music.

Down A Dark Hall

DOWN A DARK HALL (2017/2018)
“Kit Gordy, a new student at the exclusive Blackwood Boarding School, confronts the institution’s supernatural occurrences and dark powers of its headmistress.”

A boarding school with supernatural occurrences and a headmistress with dark powers? Man, that sounds familiar. Can’t quite put my finger on it, so I’ll ponder while watching a Harry Potter movie.

P.S. No movie poster yet, so I used the book cover from author Lois Duncan, whose best-selling book this movie is adapated from. You’re quite welcome, Lois.

German vs. Germ, Man

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Flesh-Eaters

The flesh-eaters in The Flesh-Eaters (1964) are miniature marshmallow-sized sparkly organisms in the water that eat your flesh. You don’t need to know where they came from or why human flesh is the only thing that makes their tummies feel all nice ’n happy. All you really need to know is that the handsome pilot of a chartered sea plane and his two hot clients (an alcoholic movie starlet and her tight-sweatered assistant) were forced to land on a barren island whose waters are teeming with said hungry microbes.

The Flesh-Eaters

Thinking they’ll have to wait out the storm by sleeping in the dirt, a German scientist scuba diver comes out of the surf and lets them sleep in his zelt (tent). Ach du lieber — this man’s a Nazi! Accent aside, he seems nice — AT FIRST. He even acts appropriately sympathetic when a picked-to-the-bone skeleton washes up on shore (Was not aware skeletons were bouyant.). “Must’ve been a shark,” he rationally deduces. There’s German logic for you.

The Flesh-Eaters

With no coconuts to make a radio out of, the castaways have to wait a few days for a supply boat. But the German — like all zelt-dwelling Germans — has a secret agenda. He figured out a way to stun the microbes. By throwing a positive and negative charge into the water he can immobilize the twerps, then put ’em in jars and eBay™ ’em off to the highest bidding government as a war weapon.

The Flesh-Eaters

But what the Nazi didn’t count on was that the electricity makes the organisms bond together and grow into an electric shellfish with one eye. Fortified with 10,000 volts, this “electro-crab,” the size of Godzilla’s dining room table, rises out of the ocean, ready to shock and awe. Mostly shock, though.

The Flesh-Eaters

Can the pilot save the day with his good looks? Will the Nazi get a taste of his own burning flesh? Will the hot assistant find another reason to take off her shirt? Man, they really knew how to make drama-filled sci-fi back in 1964.

Flee From This Flea

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , on August 20, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Weresquito: Nazi Hunter

Another one for the “now I’ve heard everything” file: Weresquito: Nazi Hunter. And in case you think I’m making this up, here’s the movie’s plot…

Weresquito: Nazi Hunter

“Horrific Nazi experiments have left a surviving WWII soldier with a terrifying condition: at the sight of fresh blood, he transforms into a man-sized, blood-sucking killer insect!”

Yeah, it’s a horror comedy, even going so far as to being filmed in sepia tone. And when the blood flows, it’s bright red. Pretty slick.

Weresquito: Nazi Hunter

Not sure when Weresquito: Nazi Hunter comes out. (Sometime in 2016 according to the ad poster.) But when it does, put me in the “probably should see it” file.