Archive for naked

Tasty Body Modifications

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Splatter: Naked Blood

In the super gory Splatter: Naked Blood (1995), three hot young Asian chicks offer their firmness up to science for an experiment that will be a boon to mankind — a drug that will make them not want to wear bras. OK, that’s not exactly it, but this Japanese movie is sub-titled and I can’t really read.

Splatter: Naked Blood

One chick is unable to sleep, another obsessed with food, the other addicted to clothes and beauty products. In other words, just average chicks. But the woman scientist’s 17-year-old son, a prodigy scientist, has secretly mixed his experimental drug in with his mom’s drug, and it’s unknowingly administered to the hotties. It’s a super endorphin that boosts the brain’s pain-killing chemical and makes everyone happy and not depressed. People, beer can do the same thing without needles or surgery gowns where your butt shows.

Splatter: Naked Blood

The drug’s effect happens almost innocently, with the food chick accidentally cutting her finger while preparing a succulent repast of tempura squid. Sucking the blood out of her wound, she starts to feel…aroused. Staring at a pot of boiling oil on her stove, she gets the idea to dip her hand into the tempura mixture and then deep-fry her hand. Tempura cooks quickly (about two to three minutes, or until golden brown) and she’s ready to take a bite.

Splatter: Naked Blood

Therein lies the movie’s genius plot: the endorphin chemical turns pain into sexual pleasure. (Now you know why we drink beer.) What began as a slow-moving flick about nothing suddenly turns down a dark road, with the food chick — fork and knife in hand and sitting on the dinner table half naked — starts cutting bite-sized morsels out of the area normally used for outgoing mail. Then she feasts upon said bite-sized morsels.

Splatter: Naked Blood

Seeing her reflection in the knife blade, she gets another idea: stab said eye with said fork and force it out with said knife. All of this, it should be noted, is done without the camera moving away and is brutally and realistically graphic. So much so, it’ll probably turn you off to eating your own eye.

Splatter: Naked Blood

And the scientist mom? Someone cut a portal so big in her gut as to allow her dead husband to crawl into. (Don’t ask — just watch.) The gore is magnificent and lives up to the movie’s title of splattering and being naked, so really, the plot is all but there to pass the time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I got a hankerin’ for some elbow macaroni.

Tattooed Vampire

Posted in Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Snakewoman

Back in her early 20th Century day Oriana Balasz, an underground movie icon, was quite the spanker, what with her deviant behavior and excesses of the flesh. A publishing company wants the rights to all her works, including the film she never released, which promised to be more shocking, even by today’s standards. I don’t know; the bar on shocking is set pretty high. But what the heck — I say go for it.

Snakewoman

A publicist travels to Oriana’s Spanish mansion to sink the deal with her heirs. That’s when Snake Woman shows up, a sort of punk rock biker chick with no clothes, vampire fangs and a snake tattoo that goes all the way around her body and across her butt region.

Snakewoman

The “shocking” love scenes in Snakewoman (2005) are overlong and about as sexy as cardboard. And what is it with European chicks and the unshaved armpit thing? That’s more scary than anything else in this “erotic thriller.” Boring excuse for owning a TV.

Detrimental Robots

Posted in Asian Horror, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Marebito

After filming a suicide in Tokyo’s killing field (the subway system), cameraman Masuoka is drawn back to the scene for more answers. Upon replaying the footage, he notices that just seconds before the man stuck a knife into his forehead, he was looking at something — and that something scared the life outta him. Well, that and the knife.

Marebito

Intriguing set-up for the Japanese horror flick, Marebito (2006). Masuoka finds a door that leads to a vast subterranean labyrinth where the Detros (a contraction of detrimental robots) live. They’re eerie, white creatures who make people stab themselves in the head. He encounters a young naked gal chained to a wall. She can’t talk, but that doesn’t stop Masuoka from asking her out on a date. He takes her home and tries to feed her, but she keeps barfing all over the place. That’ll teach him to use Match.com™ to screen potential girlfriends.

MarebitoThe girl is drawn to Masuoka’s bleeding finger and sucks on it like a Tootsie Pop™. Instead of feeding her with his own liquid, Masuoka sets the dinner table with dead animals. If you’re thinkin’ yum, too, then we’re on the same wavelength. But the girl needs human blood. Masuoka goes so far as to slice his own tongue in half and feed it to her. Even though it looks like she’s kissing him, she’s really just removing the blood out of his face. Still, ick.

Marebito

But like all good love stories, it must come to a grisly end. So was it all in Masuoka’s crazed, Prozac™-deprived head, and that he really murdered his wife, and the mute girl was his daughter whom he kept chained like a dangerous pettable animal? Or are there really eerie white creatures living beneath Tokyo in huge caves? I’m going with the Detros.

Taste-Testing Virgin Blood

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood of the Virgins

In the 19th Century Argentina, a vampire (uncursed real name: Gustavo), walking around in daylight (WTF?!?), is having an argument with his girlfriend in the woods. He wants them to be together forever, the big softy. Ofelia, his genetically gifted squeeze, is unfortunately betrothed to Eduardo, a handsome rich guy whose not bad with a paint brush. This “Dracula” cares not for the fine arts.

Blood of the Virgins

Ofelia goes ahead and marries Eduardo and both head straight for the matrimony mattress to make some honeymoon butter. Before Eduardo can fire up the churn, J.D. (jealous Drac) shows up, stabs Ed in the neck sideways (think arrow in the head, but in the neck area), and hypnotizes Ofelia into submitting to his will. Gotta hand it to Dracula at this point; he goes for her boobs first. Dessert before dinner.

Blood of the Virgins

Through the magic of science, we’re flash forwarded to the 20th Century, specifically, the Swingin’ Sixites, were several young couple travel the land, smooch like slobber monkeys and have sex every five minutes. So horny are these horn dogs, they even take off their clothes while dancing at festive discotheques. (Places your parents used to go to dance naked before you came along and ruined their fun lives. Get over it.)

Blood of the Virgins

A late night out, a car out of gas, and the group is forced to spend the night in an abandoned lodge up the road a kilometer. Why, that’s just a conga line away! Even vacant for years, the lodge looks as clean and party crash-able as it did back in… Wait a minute — that’s the same honeymoon hotel Ofelia was denied marriage and life to become one of the damned. Now she’s doomed to walk the lodge in a sheer nightgown for all eternity.

Blood of the Virgins

Ofelia horizontally seduces one the young men (so much for his girlfriend), and Dracula goes from red eye to green eye. Two young women are missing the next morning, only to show up later all freaked out, screaming about blood and showing off their puncture wound necklace. At the hospital, one boyfriend feels up his sick girlfriend and smooches on her. Didn’t make her feel good, but it did wonders for his, um, “condition.”

Blood of the Virgins

Ofelia, who hasn’t changed her underwear in 100 years, seduces the brother of the sick sister. Before he can cerrar el trato, the aerated ghost of Eduardo shows up with the very same dagger Dracula shoved up his nuptial hole all those happy years ago and finally gives Ofelia a way out of her clothes and living dead nightmare. Doesn’t need to be said, this does not end well for Dracula.

Blood of the Virgins

Blood of the Virgins (aka, Sangre de Virgenes/1967) is a misleading title as it was proved not applicable in the first 15 minutes of the movie when every girl put that milestone behind her in this unfettered showcase of boobies and pantless dancing.

Cannibal Cuisine

Posted in Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Trouble Every Day

Trouble Every Day (2001) is a French horror movie about a chick that has sex with dudes and then eats their flesh. Hopefully in that order.

Trouble Every Day

Shane Brown is an American scientist on his honeymoon in Paris. Instead of frenching his wife, he’s plagued by reoccurring nightmares of having sex and ripping flesh apart. He looks up Dr. Léo Sémeneau, his brain experimenting buddy, in order to figure out why he wants to eat his wife, but not in the legally married way.

Trouble Every Day

The doc’s gone, but his hottie wife Coré is hanging around, having sex with local monsieurs and chowing on their flesh. Talk about soul mates — Shane needs to get an annulment and hook up with this broad and get their flesh freak on asap.

Trouble Every Day

Coré looks good sans clothes and shows her bare upper half a lot. That both sweater busters are covered in blood and particulate matter most of the time is moot. Shane looks like the drummer for Foghat. Do not gaze upon his nakedness as it will turn you off to such rockin’ songs as “Slow Ride” and whatever Foghat’s second hit was. (I think it’s “I Just Wanna Make Love To You — And Then Eat Your Flesh.”)

Trouble Every DayThe cannibal scenes are tame, as is the depictions of sex. Long stretches of emoting (there’s barely any dialogue) bring this thing to an attention deficit crawl. I guess the French figured the subject matter was enough to shock the viewer into thinking this is a great movie. The French are wrong.

Lady Bugs

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

INvasion of the Bee Girls

You say you’re in the mood for some horizontal lovin’ and the gorgeous and sexy Bee girls are standing by, ready to assist, even though your two minutes in heaven results in a happy but quick demise due to sexual exhaustion? Seems like a fair trade.

Invasion of the Bee Girls

That’s the campy yet cautionary set-up of 1973’s sex-filled sci-fi, Invasion of the Bee Girls (aka, Graveyard Tramps), wherein a female mad scientist and her genetically altered doll drones seduce men to death. These Bee girls give honey, then take it back. Again, fair trade.

Invasion of the Bee Girls

No one was complaining until John Grubowsky, a bacteriologist at government-funded Brandt Research, died pants-less (and happy). Special agent Neil Agar is sent to California to investigate. What he discovers is that more and more men are dying in the same manner (congestive heart failure due to extreme bump ‘n grind), and that scientists are a randy bunch in spite of their freshly laundered lab coats.

Invasion of the Bee Girls

Agar discerns a death pattern. Outside of them all being naked and frozen in the moment of el flagrante delicto, that is. Helping him establish cause and causality is Dr. Julie Zorn, a young and free-spirited (i.e., bra-less) entomologist studying the mating habits of bees. Convenient for everyone involved.

Invasion of the Bee Girls

After a married scientist is seduced to freshness expiration, the super hot mad scientist gal calls his widow and tricks her into coming to the lab. It’s there all the Bee girls strip her down, cover her in some sort of sticky goo (hold the jokes, please), put her into the radiation presto-change-o chamber and, with the help of bees of all things, turn her into one of them. Tell tale sign — completely black eyes and no clothes. Insects care not for fashion.

Invasion of the Bee Girls

When they try doing this to Agent Agar’s new girlfriend (the aforementioned bee expert) he has to use his blow-dried hair and power meeting slacks to rescue her. Lucky for her he got there in time. Lucky for him she was without clothing.

Invasion of the Bee Girls

In all, classic stuff full of lots and lots of naked, although it should concern you that any one of the Bee girls might very well be your mom back in her wild, entomology-filled youth.

Topless Aliens With Bottomless Desires

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 24, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Zeta One

James Word is a handsome British spy more interested in hooking up with the ladies instead of shooting other spies in the face. But he gets paid to do both, so score for James. Speaking of scoring, the first half hour is nothing but him and a hot blonde playing strip poker. He loses, yet wins, if you know what I infer/imply.

Zeta One

The gal he’s “getting to know” wants to talk instead of, you know. She’s highly interested in his last mission, which involved investigating topless/bra-less alien chicks from the planet of Angvia. (Rearrange the letters.) They came to Earth to kidnap woman to repopulate their home meteor. One such candidate is a stripper, who doesn’t really dance, but kinda wiggles around and at the last note of the song she’s gyrating to, throws her arms up, thus revealing her means of employment. She’s a star.

Zeta One

Zeta One (aka, The Love Factor/The Love Slaves, 1969) is bouncingly bountiful with the aforementioned topless aliens. The characters spend more time naked than being clothed. And when they do decide to cover their shame, they’re bright red dresses with over the knee white vinyl go-go boots. Who knew extraterrestrials could look as good with britches on?

Zeta One

In the end, James is the one kidnapped and “forced” to get all of the Angvians preggo. The scene where he’s being pumped full of raw oysters and booze while a hand-painted naked alien chick dances spastically in front of him while the other alien chicks wait in the lobby for their turn at bat is yet another reason to watch this sexified sci-fi comedy, which borrows liberally from Barbarella (1968). Works for me on several levels.

Zeta One