Archive for mythology

Super Cars, Rocket Scientists, Evil Elves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Justice League

More key art designs for the upcoming Justice League movie (November 17, 2017), this time side profile mug shots of everybody except Superman. I guess they don’t want to give away the fact that Super Dude is coming back from the dead for this one. (He died at the end of 2016’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice after tripping on his cape and falling in front of a more powerful locomotive. Tragic.)

Justice LeagueAs expected, the first wave of cross merchandising in advance of the highly anticipated Justice League movie starring Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash and Cyborg rolls in with action figures and, quite neato, Hot Wheels™ character die-cast cars. (Crossing fingers for Justice League tissue holders.)

Justice League

While the first series of Justice League cars came out in 2012 for $20.00, the new JL Hot Wheels™ cars (releasing November 1, 2017) are the same price, but are cooler. For instance, the Batman car uses echo location instead of GPS. The Superman car is immune to fender benders. The Aquaman car runs on clam nectar. The Flash car comes with its own speeding tickets. The Cyborg car’s real name is KITT (If you’re old enough, you’ll get that joke.) And if you try and look under the hood of the Wonder Woman car, you get a slap on the face.

Justice League

While we wait for these affordable choking hazards, here are a few horror/sci-fi movies and documentaries that don’t even have their logos on lunch boxes…

Chasing Flying Saucers: The Stanton Friedman Story

CHASING FLYING SAUCERS — THE STANTON FRIEDMAN STORY (available now)
“Are flying saucers real? For the past 40 years, Stanton Friedman has been the world’s foremost investigator and lecturer on the UFO phenomenon. He is credited with breaking the famous Roswell UFO case and is a leading expert on the procurement of government UFO documents. This is his story.”

Stanton Friedman’s been my go-to UFO guy for years. For one thing, he’s a former rocket scientist (but makes more bling on the fringe speaking circuit). Secondly, the guy seriously does his research and comes to the table with a stacked deck of facts, the first being that UFOs are real and that we’ve been Air BnB’d by extraterrestrials. Friedman should know; he’s the guy who pulled the pants down on that whole Roswell conspiracy. This isn’t a movie, but anyone wanting to make a UFO flick should watch this. And those who already have made UFO movies, watch Chasing Flying Saucers and go back and re-do everything from scratch.

Beyond The Trek

BEYOND THE TREK (available now)
“A deep space mining vessel has been adrift for two years. It is suspected the crew brutally killed each other, but the reason for the bloodbath is unknown. A rescue crew is sent to find if there are any survivors, what happened and why, but what they discover might make them destroy themselves and the world.”

A Wal-Mart™ version of Star Trek Beyond (2016). So much so, they even patterned their characters after our favorite team of galaxy exploring/laser shooting pioneers — Space Bonanza.

Buckout Road

BUCKOUT ROAD (October 7, 2017/International Black Film Festival)
Buckout Road might be known as the most haunted road in New York State, but nobody really believed it…until now. A college class project on modern mythology turns deadly when a trio of students discovers a series of horrific urban legends surrounding Buckout Road may actually be true. The deeper they dig into the road’s dark, mysterious history, the more dangerous their quest becomes. From witches burning at the stake, to backwoods albino killers, to a modern, unstoppable stalker.”

Gotta be careful with saying this title at box socials, just like “Shiitake” mushrooms and “shih tzu” dogs. (I’m still trying to live down “coccyx”.) As for a “modern, unstoppable stalker, what does that mean — someone who relentlessly follows you around all the time? If that’s the case, then my mailman qualifies.

The Elf

THE ELF (November 7, 2017 (VOD)/December 5, 2017 (DVD)
“Nick is haunted by night terrors stemming from a tragic murder he saw when he was young. After inheriting an old toy shop, Nick discovers a cursed elf doll sealed inside an ancient chest with a naughty list of his family’s names written on it. He soon discovers that the elf was an evil conduit meant to unleash a supernatural killing spree during the Christmas holidays by whoever set it free.”

Christmas horror certainly isn’t in short supply this season, what with Better Watch Out and Red Christmas leading the charge. Last year was pretty good, too, as Krampus (the anti-Santa) was unwrapping skin left and right. And in A Christmas Horror Story (2015), the elves were zombies. I deem that cool. Thought this might be the year of rabid reindeer, but I’ll just have to put that one on my Christmas list for next year.

Mothman Comes Out Of Mothballs

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Moth

Been a while since we’ve heard from Mothman. Maybe he’s been busy planning to knock down more loaded bridges or scaring the selfies outta teenagers. Regardless, everyone will be able to look MM right in the glowing red eyes when he makes an appearance in his latest found footage star vehicle Moth, due sometime in 2016.

Here’s what’s on the bridge: “An enthusiastic lecturer and her student who travel to Europe to go after the mythology of the Mothman, but they soon have to fight for survival.”

Moth

Okay, penalty flag time. First, Mothman is not from Europe. He’s from Point Pleasant, West Virginia. I know Mothman can fly, but Europe is 4,310 miles away. His wings would get, like, super tired ’n stuff.

Secondly, Mothman is NOT mythology; He’s as real as a UFO.

Thirdly, as this is a found footage flick, the plot (and trailer) looks like it was modeled after The Blair Witch Project (1999), the worst horror movie of all time.

Mothman

Given that, hopefully Moth won’t suck. Until then, watch The Mothman Prophecies (2002) or any myriad of YouTube™ documentaries/real found footage for some sweet Moth-y action.

Sucking Goats on a Budget

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Legend of the Chupacabra

Should’ve turned off the TV after they open with “This film is dedicated to all those who lost their lives during the production of this documentary.” It’d should read “wasted their lives.”

In the pocket change budgeted Legend of the Chupacabra (2000), a chick zoology student videotapes something paranormal turning her uncle’s goats into barn ravioli. Enlisting the help of additional meals, uh, students, she also teams up with an ex-Marine (what, the Navy not good enough for you?), and goes after documenting the alleged Chupacabra.

Legend of the Chupacabra

Since we’re all gonna have to learn how to speak Spanish sooner or later, “Chupracabra” is Latino for “goat sucker.” (The sucking part, quite thankfully, refers to the blood extraction process.)

Legend of the Chupacabra

They find El Suckero, and it turns out to be human-sized and looking suspiciously like a rubber costume. How embarrassing for him/her. By banging the camera around, they make it hard to focus on the creature’s zipper. Trapped in a passenger van, Chupie pounds on the door and rocks the vehicle while everyone screams. (He does that often, just to get a rise out of ’em.)

A few die, everyone else yawns. I’m as yet undecided on which side I’d rather be on after enduring this suckfest.

Boogeyman Comes Out Of The Closet

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Boogeyman

As a kid Tim saw his dad get taken by the Boogeyman when he was just old enough to be traumatized for life by the unfortunate experience. Tim’s older now and has a girlfriend who puts up with him sleeping on the floor and not having anything stored in closets – except Boogeymen. That’s not good feng-shui.

Tim’s ghost mom tells him to go back to the family home and the scene of the dad-taking. Really good idea. There Tim discovers a history of children being taken by the Boogeyman, him being one if his “protective” dad hadn’t gotten in the way.

Boogeyman

All of this is just an excuse to get Tim to go into the closet, which he does. It acts as a time portal, transporting him back and forth to his old bedroom. Why he didn’t use it to go to the store is a glaring plot hole.

Boogeyman

Solid creep-out moments, including the ghost kid victims of Boogeyman and bathtubs filled with blood instead of hot soapy bubbles and shampoo bottles. Taking it one step further, Boogeyman turns into electricity and possesses toys.

Boogeyman

Through an overly-long set-up, Tim finally grows a sac and throws a solid slobberknocker, sending Boogeyman back to the place of coats, shoe boxes filled with pictures instead of shoes, and some other junk you don’t use anymore. This paves the way for several sequels no one asked for.

Boogeyman (2005) is a sorta nice spin on a fond childhood memory, though B-man should probably stay out of that one box in my closet marked “Evidence.”

Jinn and Tonic

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jinn

Jinn are mythological and supernatural engendered creatures who have free will. What they don’t have is pants. At least none we mortals can see. Jinn can be good, bad or last call drunk ass crazy, which makes me believe I have Jinn in my bloodline. (More likely GIN in my bloodstream. Ha!)

Anyway, the movie Jinn arrives March 10, 2015 on VOD and DVD on April 14, 2015. If you’re tired of rubbing the lamp, you can pre-order through Amazon.com. (Is that thing still around?)

Jinn

Here’s what you need to know about Jinn: “Shawn, an automotive designer, enjoys an idyllic life with his new wife Jasmine until it is interrupted a cryptic message, which warns of imminent danger and a curse that has afflicted his family for generations.”

“Having lost his parents as a child, Shawn doesn’t believe this unsettling revelation of his past….until strange things start to happen. Unable to explain the threats and fearing for his life, Shawn turns to Gabriel and Father Westhoff, a mysterious duo claiming to have answers.”

“With their help, and the aid of Ali, a shackled mental patient, Shawn discovers there is far more to this world than he ever imagined. These revelations set him on a collision course with the unknown, and he alone must find the strength protect his family and confront the ancient evil that is hunting them.”

Curse? Shackled mental patient? Ancient evil? Sounds like The Poggie Tavern, of which I am an open-to-close customer. OK, maybe not open-to-close. But enough to qualify as an employee.