Archive for mutated

Irradiated Sci-Fi

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Cyclops

Fifties sci-fi remains some of the coolest, cheesiest, wildest and excitingest movies ever made. Besides uninvited UFOs and alien b-holes showing up like holiday relatives, a large portion of ’em have to do with the effects of radiation-gone-wild on everything from ants (Them!/ 1954) and spiders (Tarantula/1955), to octopuses (It Came From Beneath The Sea/1955) and lizards (Giant Gila Monster/1959) – and all creatures in-between – including rats, bunnies, grasshoppers, salad tomatoes and people. Heck, just watching these movies gives you radiation poisoning. (OK, not really. But my glowing epidermis sure feels like it sometimes.)

'50s Sci Fi

I love the “mutated creature” stuff – quite a bit, as it turns out. But where radiation really earns its keep is when it turns humans into death metal monsters. Take for instance The Cyclops (1957), The Amazing Colossal Man (1957) and War of the Colossal Beast (1958), all created by B-movie legend Bert I. Gordon.

'50s Sci-Fi

The monster is essentially the same in all three, with the actor Duncan Parkin playing the pitiful reconfigured giant – in two of the three with a mangled face and one presumably good eye. (Maybe the “I” in Bert I. Gordon is a subtle reference. Heh.) Duncan, by the way, is credited as a stagehand in The Beginning of the End (1957), that infamously bad giant grasshopper movie. Maybe he got a dose working on that one.

'50s Sci-Fi

Amid all of them, The Cyclops, with its lava-lamp faced monster and shredded pants (apparently radiation mutates clothes as well), is one of those mega-cheesy guilty pleasures – and the first giant human monster movie. No, Gulliver’s Travels in 1939 doesn’t factor in because his size was regular – the people who f’d with his mind were super small. (Note: There may have been a giant human monster movie before The Cyclops, but I’m too busy combing my hair to do research. Note: v.2: 1952’s Jack and Beanstalk had a giant, but that one was not a monster movie – it was a comedy starring Abbott & Costello, the Laurel & Hardy of their day.)

The Cyclops

A test pilot goes missing. Probably fell down a hole. So they go looking for him in one of Mexico’s deep, hole-filled jungles. Arriving via a small plane that looks about as sturdy as a two-seater kite, they encounter giant birds, lizards, bugs and a 50-foot giant human with a face distorted by radiation, of which there is plentiful in Mexico. This is why to this day people traveling there are warned not to drink the water, what with its f’d up face melting properties and such.

The Cyclops

And what a mutated giant hey is – one eye is completely melted over with dripping skin gelled into place like a flesh curtain. The other eye, bulging to the point of popping, looks like it was too big to begin. Go big or go home, I say. And the all-angle teeth? Probably got that way chewing on small airplanes.

The Cyclops

Of course, the search party has to bring along the missing pilot’s girlfriend so that the monster has something to distract him from the giant snake wrapping around his food chute, ala King Kong (1933). Even with only one kinda sorta maybe good eye left, he seems to recognize her. Get where this is going?

The Cyclops

The craptacular special effects were slightly refined for Duncan’s next two roles as a homeless giant everyone wants to kill because he can get Frisbees™ off the roof without a ladder. Regardless, in order to fully understand yourself, take a look at these sci-fi classics and see if you can’t discover a part of you in them.

OK, that just sounded plain dumbass. Must be the radiation kicking in.

Resident Zombie

Posted in Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on April 24, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Shadow Walkers

In a plot lifted directly from Resident Evil (2002) and a bunch of movies that ripped off Resident Evil, The Shadow Walkers (2006) finds a team of scientists sealed in an underground facility with a bunch of their own genetic mutations wanting to bite them on their b-holes and arms.

The Shadow Walkers

The failed military-funded project totaled several billion dollars and two years, not to mention all the torn lab coats and broken test tubes. The goal was to create a super army man that could go shock and awe on the enemy while retaining its cognitive thought process. In other words, a zombie that can think. (Pffft – I’ve been doing that drunk for years.)

The Shadow Walkers

The test subjects have gotten loose and a handy welding torch to the locks makes sure that the infected and the about-to-be infected don’t get out and go around biting people on the b-hole.

The Shadow Walkers

The vast underground facility is dark, dirty and full of mutations (like many bars I hang out in) that look like a cross between Rawhead Rex (1986) and that clay-faced creature in the Outer Limits. Their strength and sex-drive has also been amplified, which is demonstrated by a mutated chick who tears her shirt off. If anything was mutated it’s those magnified mammaries of hers.

The Shadow Walkers

Does anyone make it out alive/un-alive? Do the infected chicks start to get as horny as a last call bar fly? Does the military need me to volunteer to be experimented on? By now the answer should be pretty obvious.