Archive for motorcycle

Sharks and Aliens

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien

A few amazing Alien movie posters created by designer David Graham, the guy behind those crazy wicked Meg (giant shark) key art. (I hope they use those art pieces for the final product — whenever if gets here — as they are pant-fillingly awesome.

Quick synopsis of the movies represented:

Alien

In Alien (1979), a guy goes to eat some space eggs, one hatches and a creature squirts out and affixes itself to the man’s facial face, goes down the hungry astronaut’s throat, where it grows to the point of the man throwing it up out of his chest. The bug later grows to pro basketball player size and dribbles acid all over the spaceship Nostromo and its crew. It doesn’t end well for anybody, to say nothing of putting you off on space eggs for breakfast. (Space toast remains a neutral breakfast choice.)

Meg

In Meg (in production as of right this minute), the world’s biggest shark (think submarine with gills) comes up from the bottom of the ocean to eat boats (crunchy), people (soft, but loud) and the military (like warheads are gonna stop a shark the size of a couple of buses Evel Knievel could jump over.) Now that I think about it, if he were alive, Evel Knievel would have made a fortune jumping his motorcycle over a giant stuntman eating shark in the greatest PPV of all time.

I would pay hard to see that.

British Zombie Bikers

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Psychomania

The rules are simple: make a deal with the devil and you get immortality and candy. Break a deal with the devil and you get turned into a frog and eat house flies and grub worms for all eternity. (I’ve only eaten gummi worms, so probably gonna pass on any deal-breaking.)

Psychomania

That’s the premise of the British zombie biker horror oddity, Psychomania (aka, The Death Wheelers/1973). But the young, heck-raising youths wearing spook masks and mocking traffic laws who each commit suicide so that they can come back from the dead in “forever in blue jeans,” think being dead is fun. In fact, it suits them, as their motorcycle gang name is The Living Dead. Cute.

Psychomania

Tom, the gang’s uncombed leader, loves black magic. He was tainted by evil as a crib rat when his mom made an immortality pact with the devil. Now that he’s old enough to make his own satanic bargains, Tom kills himself and returns exactly as he was prior to the expire (no rotting faces or unbrushed teeth), and convinces the rest of the direction-less youth to do the same.

Psychomania

How the gang commits suicide is not very imaginative or graphic: Jumping out of a plane and not pulling the parachute cord, wrapping oneself in chains attached to a cement brick and taking swimming lessons, jumping out of a hi-rise window, driving face first into oncoming traffic… If you waver, you actually die and don’t get to rejoin your zombie biker brothers and their quest to be bothersome to the community.

Psychomania

They drive their motorbikes into the grocery store (punks – there’s tons of parking outside), crashing into carefully stacked canned goods (good marketing). Then they drive into a police station holding a few of their rapscallion pals in conjunction with murder (lots of bloodless associative deaths) and break them out. Then they meet at a fog-drenched place called “The Seven Witches” (a field filled with standing stones) and question one members’ lack of pact. It’s Tom’s girlfriend. She tried offing herself with pills, but goofed up with the goofers and didn’t die. Now Tom and the gang want to die her for good.

Psychomania

Meanwhile, Tom’s mom has had enough of her son’s troubleness and summons the devil (some old guy in a suit, with a sword and a jeweled magic ring) to renege on their arrangement. She’s warned about the whole “frog for eternity” thing, but she doesn’t care — just get it over with and stop that Tom.

Psychomania

With absolutely no blood, gore or even salty language, Pyschomania wraps up with The Living Dead turning into cocooned corpses and finally into stones, which the devil further augments his collection, which he keeps in “The Seven Witches” front lawn. And Tom’s girlfriend who was about to be killed? She’s now single, but lives to die another day.

Furnace Face

Posted in Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider is a leather jacket wearing skeleton with a flaming head who drives a demon-fueled motorcycle up the sides of buildings. He also has a flaming whip with which to snap your crime ass.

Ghost Rider

Before he was a flaming skeleton vigilante, Ghost Rider was Johnny Blaze, a daredevil motorcycle stunt performer. Sheer coincidence about the whole flame/blaze connection.

Ghost Rider

So how did he get to be such a hot head? The old west town of San Venganza is populated by 1,000 corrupt souls. Mephistopheles sends a Ghost Rider to round ‘em up. GR doesn’t want to do it and runs away. Time to hire a new Ghost Rider. Blaze is offered a deal: his father’s cancer will be cured if he’d sign over his soul. But as in all deal’s with evil, you ultimately get f’d in the b-hole. Hence, the flaming lips.

Ghost Rider

Blaze takes the job in order to get his soul back. (The deal for his father went up in smoke.) But what a dumbass – you can drive up walls, man! That said, Ghost Rider (2007) is loaded with comic book thrills and PG-language. Needed more flames, though.

Death Pops A Wheelie

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , on March 14, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Homicycle

Always wanted to be a baddass motorcycle guy, making loud frap-frap-frap noises at stoplights in front of libraries, parking on sidewalks that have signs that say “no  parking on sidewalks,” flipping off little kids and basically being a big leather dumf*ck on wheels other than a big leather dumbf* with a bus pass.

But I’m too much of a four-door wuss to own a bike, let alone ride free on one across my neighbors’ lawns. So I’ll have to live vicariously through Homicycle (2015), a long-overdue indie ’80s style exploitation flick. (First heard about it a couple of years ago. So kudos to the filmmakers for keeping my dreams alive.)

So what does Homicycle do? Glad you asked: “A town is under siege by a gang of drug dealers when from seemingly out of nowhere, a mysterious man in black astride a motorcycle begins targeting the junk peddlers for death!”

The Wraith

Aside from “astride” (who even uses that word anymore except people who go to libraries while I frap-frap-frap outside?), I’m diggin’ this business model. Sure, you have The Wraith (1986) who does kinda the same revenge-fueled agenda thing, but in a really cool car (clearly an inspiration for Homicycle). But since when does a revenge-fueled agenda suck, especially when it ends up in splattery retribution?

P.S. If you ride around on a cool bike and have revenge on your mind,  wear a helmet. It’s the law. And if you break the law, you’re probably a criminal. No one wants that.