Archive for Motel Hell

Cannibal Restaurants, Paranormal Paintings, Yiddish Vampires

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Vampires, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It’s October/Halloween and time to fire up the grill for some charred Jack-O-Lantern burgers, washed down with a few cauldrons of Witches Brew (aka, enchanted Budweiser™). And what a more seasonal way to do this is with Fire Pit Skull Logs by Hauntic™

The skull logs were a a big hit a few years back with the Internet crowd looking for a way to put more ’ween in their Hallow. Unlike your head, these skulls are made of ceramic soil non-toxic material, are 3.6” x 3.1” x 2.5”, and are gray in color. 

As Hauntic™ tells us, “Our skull logs withstand temperatures of up to 1,800°F and can be reused for years on end.” And hey, they’re doing a sale: buy one skull, get another free. Savvy consumers will want to get in on this insider trading; last year the skulls went for $60 each — right now they’re going for $29.00 for two, so that tabs out at a sweet $14.50 each/a’piece. (Limited deal: click HERE)

While you’re preparing to pay backyard tribute to the flame-faced Ghost Rider in your Weber Grill™, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not cremate your cranium… 

SOME LIKE IT RARE / October, 7, 2022 (VOD)

“Sophie and Vincent’s small butcher shop is on the brink of bankruptcy and their marriage is falling apart. Their lives are turned upside down when Vincent accidentally kills a vegan activist who vandalized their shop. Overwhelmed and terrified of being accused of murder, their only solution is to get rid of the body by turning it into ham. But to their surprise, the ham is so popular that it may save their business.”

Sounds like Sophie and Vincent found the Motel Hell (1980) cookbook.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER / October 7, 2022 (Paramount+)

“Young couple Harry and Ruth take a remote backpacking trip through the Pacific Northwest, but things take a dark turn when they realize they may not be alone.”

Remote backpacking in the Pacific Northwest (where I walk around but don’t backpack as that seems like work), you’re either gonna run into Bigfoot or a murder bear. After watching the trailer, though, Bigfoot/M. Bear might not be what’s going on here. A hint — you’re never alone with a schizophrenic. (Nod to Ian Hunter’s 1979 album by the same name.)

THE VISITOR / October 7, 2022 (VOD)

“When Robert and his wife Maia move to her childhood home, he discovers an old portrait of his likeness in the attic — a man referred to only as ‘The Visitor.’ Soon he finds himself descending down a frightening rabbit hole in an attempt to discover the true identity of his mysterious doppelgänger, only to realize that every family has its own terrifying secrets.”

It wasn’t a portrait — it was a mirror. Sorry to soil your rabbit hole.

BLOOD RELATIVES / November 22, 2022 (Shudder™)

“Francis, a 115-year-old Yiddish vampire, still looks 35. He’s been roaming American back roads in his beat-up muscle car for decades, keeping to himself, and liking it that way. One day Jane, a teenager, shows up. She says she’s his daughter, and has the fangs to prove it. They go on the road, deciding whether to sink their teeth into family life.”

Francis has bigger problems that suddenly finding out he has a daughter who needs braces. There’s the issue of 100 years of unpaid child support.

Killer Headwear

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

You're Next

Not released as of this dissertation (sorry – word of the day calendar), but You’re Next is the latest in an uncomfortable trend of home invasion horror movies. Doesn’t this stuff happen every 30 seconds in thre world? Wondering out loud why we need movies depicting it.

The Strangers

Home invasion movies often feature a person or persons of will ill-intent, doing the whole cat-n-mouse thing with their victims while wearing masks. I guess that’s the only way to make movies like this marketable.

The Purge, The Collector

The invaders in You’re Next are wearing stylish animal masks.  There’s a cat, a lamb and some sort of man-bear pig (props, South Park.) Admittedly, few would go see this movie if the killers were just wearing ski masks from REI™ or (my fav), Jos. A. Bank ™. ( Just kidding – they won’t let me in the door. Screw you guys – I’m buying my facewear at Target™.)

Jason 'n Michael

Then you have the 2013 hit, The Purge, where the killers wear cartoon-y human face masks. Not too scary, but easily found at Planet Halloween™.

Leatherface 'n Alice

Then there was the plastic girl and stitched burlap headgear worn in The Strangers (2008). And let us not forget the leather bondage mask employed to generic but creepy effect in The Collector (2009) and American Horror Story (2011). Note to nit-pickers: Yes, I know American Horror Story is not a home invasion movie. It’s a family-friendly TV series along the lines of The Waltons (1971 – 1981).

Motel Hell

Regardless of all the countless masked serial killers (home invaders or not) – from Jason Voorhees (hockey mask/Friday the 13th) and Michael Myers (Capt. Kirk/Halloween), to Leatherface (un-moisturized face/Texas Chain Saw Massacre) and even the cute as a button terror tot Alice (ballerina/Alice Sweet Alice), one still resonates as being the ickiest and ballsiest (I think that’s a word) mask of all time: the severed pig head worn by farmer/butcher/entrepreneur Vincent Smith in Motel Hell (1980). Not only is it supremely scary, but later, after you take it off, your face will smell like bacon. If that isn’t a double bonus, I don’t know what is.