Archive for Moscow

Godzilla Earth, Hand-Carved Horror, Vampire Addict

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City

The title of the upcoming Godzilla anime movie sequel is nothing if not crazy tantalizing: Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City. A mobile breeder city? Where do I sign up? How much is the rent? Can I move there now?

Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City

If you haven’t seen Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017) on Netflix, I question your sanity. The ending is so unreal, it’s unreal. And it’s so good, I’ll be counting down the ‘ol tick tock when Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City releases in Japanese theaters on May 18, 2018. Maybe a few of us could carpool there.

So here’s the press release, which reveals that MechaGodzilla will be getting into a rust up with his mountainous counterpart: “After suffering a crushing defeat at the claws of Godzilla Earth — the seemingly immortal, 300 meter tall, 100,000 ton incarnation of Godzilla who now rules the planet — Haruo Sakaki is rescued by Miana, a native girl who belongs to the Futua tribe, the descendants of humanity that were left behind on Earth during the initial evacuation.”

Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City

Meanwhile, Galu Gu, the leader of the Bilusaludo forces, realizes that the arrowheads of the Futua are made of nanometal, the same material that was used to build MechaGodzilla, a super weapon that failed to curb Godzilla’s rampage and that was presumed destroyed in a battle at the foot of Mt. Fuji in the 21st Century.”

I just soiled myself. Whilst I go clean up, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be made out of nanometal…

Revenge of Robert

REVENGE OF ROBERT (available now)
Germany, 1941: Two secret agents, one working for British intelligence and the other working for the Nazis, board a train. Their mission is to find a Toymaker who is in possession of a mystical book which gives life to the inanimate. As the two secret agents close in and the Toymaker has no idea who to trust, he uses the magical tome to bring a vintage doll called Robert to life…and Robert will stop at nothing to protect his puppet master. So begins a blood soaked battle aboard the train as the Toymaker and the killer doll fight to survive. Only the victor will get off at the next stop!”

Ugh — more dumb doll horror. Chucky, if he wasn’t undead, would be rolling over in his toy box. And does this plot not take replacement parts from Puppetmaster (1989), and its 12 sequels? (Honorary mention: Magic/1978).

Family Blood

FAMILY BLOOD (March 31, 2018/Netflix)
Ellie, a recovering drug addict, has just moved to a new city with her two teenage children. She has struggled to stay sober in the past and is determined to make it work this time, finding a stable job and regularly attending her meetings. Unfortunately, new friends, a new job, and the chance of a new life, can’t keep Ellie from slipping once again. Her life changes when she meets Christopher— a different kind of addict —which forces her daughter and son to accept a new version of Ellie.”

Smells like a vampire to me. Then again, everything smells like vampires, especially Krispy Kreme™ donuts. Those things will suck the very soul right out from under your taste buds.

4/20 Massacre

4/20 MASSACRE (April 3, 2018)
“Five women who go camping in the woods to celebrate a friend’s birthday over the 4/20 weekend. But when they cross the turf of an illegal marijuana growing operation they must struggle to survive the living nightmare.”

Hmmm, what could a “living nightmare” possibly be when stumbling into a marijuana growing operation? You guessed correctly — there’s no beer with which to catch a weekend buzz. How boring it must be for all of them.

Dasvidaniya: Russian Brides 2

DASVIDANIYA: RUSSIAN BRIDES 2 (2018)
Svetlana Veselov is a sweet, naive exchange student from Moscow plunged into a living nightmare where she must fight to survive. But, what happens when the hunted becomes the huntress and the pain of others brings pleasure?

Again with the living nightmare. It’s like you’re working at Jack In The Box™ when your friends show up at the drive-thru window and you’re standing there in the grease spattered company uniform, stinking of french fries and secret sauce. Still, I’ve been in worse living nightmares, none of which, though, involve mail-order Jack In The Box™ brides. Yet, anyway. (I’m more of a Five Guys Burgers And Fries™ mail order brides person.)

Crayon Horror, Rodent Republicans, Werewolf Babies

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Beauty of Horror III

The horror genre is colorful (where would the popularity of movie screen blood be if it was puce?), so why not make a coloring book based on it. Or how about two coloring books? Better still, three coloring books?

The Beauty of Horror

Enter The Beauty of Horror 3: Haunted Playgrounds coloring book by Alan Robert, arriving July 2018 from IDW Publishing. Time to bust out those old Crayola crayons and get your Picasso on.

Crayola

Speaking of the world’s most favorite drawing implement this side of a chisel and stone tablet (a bit cumbersome, but makes a rather bold statement), in 2008 Crayola had 120 colors from which to augment your graffiti. Colorful memories recall Macaroni & Cheese, Atomic Tangerine, Inch Worm, and my favorite, Beaver (a metaphorical cross between Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown and Tickle Me Pink.) Today’s Crayola colors number in the billions. Or so I’ve heard. (No word whether or not “Shard” made the grade.)

While you contemplate that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not stay inside the lines…

Ratpocalypse

RATPOCALYPSE (December 12, 2017)
American Senator John Perryman, a man of pure and humble soul with a warrior’s disposition, delivers a fiery speech in Moscow about the country’s main evil — corruption. A corruption so pervasive it will turn men into “rats.” He declares that he was ordered from above to speak to them and threatens everyone with the loss of their human form, which draws only guffaws and resentment from the people. Many take the Senator for a madman as gradually, all his friends and relatives turn away from him. Eventually the Senator meets a mysterious girl in the streets who seems to be his guardian angel but soon, everything he talked about in Moscow begins to come true, triggering panic in Russia and around the world.”

If I were to choose a parasitic form for politicians to morph into, it’d be butt worms. Oh wait, that already happened. Still, rat-faced politicians, while new to movies, is nothing out of the ordinary. Just turn on the news.

OCCUPATION (2018)
“After a devastating intergalactic attack on Earth, the last surviving humans must band together for the sake of survival. As war looms, and the struggle to stay alive worsens, they realize the only way to save the human race is to stay one step ahead of their attackers and strike back.”

Wow. That couldn’t be a more limp sausage, generic press release. And why “intergalactic”? Couldn’t they have just said, “beyond Earthly confines”? That sounds way more science-y.

Good Manners

GOOD MANNERS (aka, As Boas Maneiras/2018)
“Clara, a lonely nurse from the outskirts of São Paulo, is hired by mysterious and wealthy Ana to care for and protect her son after he is born not looking like a human.”

A Brazilian horror movie foreignly released summer/August of 2017, that, while given the U.S. title of Good Manners, actually translates to The Good Ways. Absolutely none of the above works at all as the newborn is a werewolf. (Not a spoiler; it’s all over the Internet thingamajig.) And while we’re on the subject, since when does a newborn look anything like a human? I’m thinkin’ more of along the lines of shaved peaches. (Come to think of it, that could be another cool Crayola color.)

The Toybox

THE TOYBOX (2018)
“A family goes on a cross-country trip across America and get stranded in the desert by a supernatural force that is slowly killing them off.”

Yep, someone busted a grumpy in the RV toilet and didn’t jiggle the handle. The same supernatural force can be experienced walking into a gas station restroom.

Hellish Rock Stars, Gun Ghosts, Sequel Sharks

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Guitar Teacher From Hell

Clicked across this one while surfing for YET ANOTHER  black t-shirt to buy. Guitarist Acey Slade has created his own comic book series, Guitar Teacher From Hell ($4.99 for the printed comic/$1.99 for a digital download, which can be exchanged for money by clicking HERE). It’s so cool, I have to have it because I don’t know why.

From the press release: “Learning to play guitar is tough for everyone, but for 15-year-old Cory Conners it’s going to be Hell. Follow the torment as Cory learns how to play through legendary rock star guests hosted by Acey Slade who has teamed up with independent cartoonist Steven Reardon Jr. to create Guitar Teacher From Hell, a comic book series that plays on Faustian mythology portrayed in a dark comedy fantasy about the obsession young people have towards learning how to play the guitar.”

Acey Slade

Should probably get this now as I’ve been playing guitar for a number of years, though my neighbors think I only know how to play Iron Maiden, KISS and Black Sabbath. (Not all their songs, just one from each.)

Acey’s resume is a chart-topper: “Slade’s resume includes Rock & Roll Hall of Fame-inducted Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. In addition he has worked  with Misfits, Murderdolls and Dope. As a writer and producer, he has worked along side Earl Cohen (Lady Gaga/Jessica Simpson), Tom Camuso (Lenny Kravitz/DJ Logic/Ect). A New York-based musician with homes in Los Angeles and Taipei, Acey Slade has also been DJing and producing rock, hard rock, punk and pop for bands around the globe. He has engaged audiences with guitar clinics worldwide trekking from Moscow to Dallas. Other associated acts include: Trashlight Vision, Billy Liar, Amen, Rachel Lorin and Vampire Love Dolls.”

AND he has tattoos. I do, too, but mine come off in the shower. While I learn how to keep that from happening, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not permanently imprint themselves on your mind…

Blood Harvest

BLOOD HARVEST (November 21, 2017)
“A rural village is terrorized by an evil force that drains the blood from its victims. A discredited police detective, who believes the killings are the work of vampires, must team up with his former partner to uncover the truth.”

Vampires or discount doctors. Either or, the plot seems stock and played. What if the vampires were doctors? I would love to call my health insurance and go, “Yeah, I need to schedule a DAYTIME appointment with Dr. Vampire…” In addition to questionable medial practices/advice, it’d be cool if he/she could sell t-shirts in the waiting room with the kicker line: “Lose Blood Now — Ask Me How.”

Dawning of the Dead

DAWNING OF THE DEAD (December 5, 2017/VOD)
“While a virus that causes the dead to reanimate brings the world to its knees, the scientist responsible entrusts his cataclysmic findings to Katya Nevin, a troubled ex-war correspondent turned anchor-woman at W.W News. While she and the rest of her crew witness the collapse of society via video feeds from around the globe, a deadly special agent climbs the building floor by floor, his only goal to ensure her silence. Armed only with information and an indomitable will to live, Katya must overcome her crippling anxiety and learn to lead in order to make it out of the studio and into a terrifying new world where only the dead survive.”

There isn’t one thing original about this movie, which has been my major point of contention with the unending regurgitation of zombie movies. Wanna do something cool with zombies for a change? Start with set-in-Africa The Dead (2010) and/or South Korea’s Train To Busan (2016) and we’ll discuss.

Winchester: The House That Ghosts Built

WINCHESTER: THE HOUSE THAT GHOSTS BUILT (February 2, 2018)
“Inspired by true events. On an isolated stretch of land 50 miles outside of San Francisco sits the most haunted house in the world. Built by Sarah Winchester, heiress to the Winchester fortune, it is a house that knows no end. Constructed in an incessant twenty-four hour a day, seven day a week mania for decades, it stands seven stories tall and contains hundreds of rooms. To the outsider it looks like a monstrous monument to a disturbed woman’s madness. But Sarah is not building for herself, for her niece or for the brilliant Dr. Eric Price whom she has summoned to the house. She is building a prison, an asylum for hundreds of vengeful ghosts, and the most terrifying among them have a score to settle with the Winchesters.”

Great kicker line: “Terror is Building.” This house and its history actually exists. I wrote about it exactly one year to the day. Didn’t plan it that way, but I should be somehow rewarded, either with bit coins and/or candy. Can’t wait for this movie, even though its been done — poorly — a while back (i.e., Haunting of Winchester House/2009). Let’s hope they don’t suck the life out of this  ghost story. (Okay, that was funny.)

Deep Blue Sea 2

DEEP BLUE SEA 2 (2017/2018)
Dr. Klaus Van Etten experiments on bull sharks, much to the chagrin of Misty and her team of marine experts. The sharks get out and all hell breaks loose.”

That’s pretty much the same plot as Deep Blue Sea (1999), except Dr. Susan McAlester experimented on great white sharks that became mega aggressive/hungry and ate humans like they were peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.