Archive for Moors

Icy Horror, Nazi Snowballs, Dumb Artificial Intelligence

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Seattle snow

All this apocalyptic Seattle snow (the worst in 70 years, according to the panicking news) got me in the mood to watch a few guilty pleasure snow horror movies, the irony being that we’re buried in huge, steaming piles of snow with more predicted to seal us in igloo coffins.

Seattle snow

I have The Day After Tomorrow (2004), 30 Days of Night (2007), Dead Snow (2009), The Last Winter (2006), Frozen (2010/the teen horror movie, not the same-titled Disney horror movie), and Unnatural (2015) queued up. All that’s left to do now is crack an ice cold beer and chill. Heh.

Seattle snow

While we’re waiting to thaw out — probably by the end of March — here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not bite like frost…

The House

THE HOUSE (March 5, 2019)
“Set in the frozen wilderness of Norway during WWII, two German soldiers escort a Norwegian soldier and prisoner of war, but the weather is taking a toll on them. They find an empty house near the forest where they finally can get some rest. However, what seems to be a warm and welcoming shelter turns much more sinister and deadly. They begin to wonder if they have somehow have stepped into a sort of psychological hell from which there may be no escape.”

Finally — Nazis on the other end of the pain stick. I bet they start a snowball fight to end all snowball fights.

Demon Eye

DEMON EYE (2019)
“A young girl returns to her father’s country house in the Moors following his mysterious death. There, she finds a cursed amulet that will grant her greatest wish, but at a price.”

The cursed amulet that grants me my greatest wish is a beer bottle.

Ami

AMI (2019)
Cassie has become a recluse ever since her mother died in a car accident. In an effort to fill the void, she downloads AMI, the latest intelligent personal assistant. As their relationship quickly deepens into a twisted co-dependency, Cassie falls deeper and deeper under AMI’s spell; not realizing that everyone she knows is in serious danger.”

I wish I had artificial intelligence.

Hatching Horror

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 27, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Hatching

Movies about human-eating crocodiles (or “alligators”) are usually pretty fun to watch. Has something to do with seeing boneheaded people get eaten by an oversized reptile that’s gratifying on a “glad it’s not me” level.

While there are dozens of croc shop movies, The Hatching (release pending) is a new British horror comedy (at least judging by the gory yet funny trailer) that elevates the act of nature doing to humans what it does best.

The Hatching

Here’s the plot: On the death of his father, Tim Webber returns to his childhood village in Somerset to find something sinister is disturbing the idyllic peace of the villagers. As people disappear and gruesome body parts mount, the horrific truth emerges that crocodiles are hunting on the moors. As suspicion escalates, Tim is on the hook to make amends for his tragic teenage mistake years before. He’d better make it snappy though…”

The Hatching

If the dialogue is any indication (“How’d you kill the crocodile?” “Mark kicked it in the penis, which was a bit much…”), The Hatching is the must-see reptile vs. people movie of the year.

Pregnant Werewolf

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wild Country

Tough being 16 and pregnant and forced to give up your kid to someone who could provide a better life (i.e., Xbox™) for your kid. Even tougher to find an abandoned baby in the ruins of a castle in the middle of the Scottish Highlands rented out by a werewolf.

Wild Country

Fortunately, for the baby anyway, there’s someone within the group of teens out hiking who is carrying around a packaged meal under her blouse. Not so fortunate for the rest of the group (three guys, one girl), who become unhappy meals for the werewolf.

Wild Country

While managing to kill the burly beast (it looks like a cross between a fake bear and Alf), they think they’re in the clear. But that’s the problem with today’s teens – they just can’t wrap their heads around basic math, meaning that where there’s one werewolf, there’s probably two.

Wild Country

Running across the moors with a lycanthrope on your heels while carrying a crying alarm horn is the last chance for all involved. The girl makes her way to a farm house where the werewolf tracks her down. It was all pretty good up until this point: acceptable levels of gore versus screaming, blood versus attacking. But the last two final scenes were so comical as to water down all of the above. As if you couldn’t figure out who the baby belonged to.

Wild Country

But if there’s one thing to take away from this heavily-accented Wild Country (2005) – so much so as to need sub-titles – it’s that you probably shouldn’t breastfeed the animals. I know I won’t from this point moving forward.

An American Werewolf In Hollywood

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 14, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 

An American Werewolf in London

A theme park version of the hit 1981 cult horror movie An American Werewolf in London is coming to Universal Studios Hollywood for Halloween Horror Nights™ this year (2014, in case it slipped your mind).

That’s the good news. The bad news: it’ll cost you $92.00 to have your head bitten off by a werewolf. Actually, you can get a stunning $5 off by purchasing your admission ticket online in advance. Just think of the things you could buy to drink with that all extra folding money in your pocket. It staggers the mind.

An American Werewolf in London

Here’s what a full day’s wage will get you: Guests will begin their horrifying journey as they enter The Slaughtered Lamb, the English countryside pub movie fans will instantly recognize, and experience first-hand what the tavern patrons in the film meant when they cautioned, “Stay on the road, keep clear of the Moors and beware the moon.” After stumbling upon the overgrown wasteland known as the “Moors,” maze-goers will be forced to traverse through dense fog amidst sounds of savage growls and unknown peril ahead.

I bet it’s a werewolf.

An American Werewolf in London

“The team at Universal Studios Hollywood has gone to great lengths to recreate the mood and details of the movie,” says John Landis, the iconic filmmaker responsible for An American Werewolf in London. “The true test for guests will be to see if they are able to endure the scares lurking throughout the maze rather than screaming from room to room. I want them to really absorb the elaborate sets, make-up and special effects custom designed for this experience.”

I have a suggested special effect for you – $50 discount coupons.

An American Werewolf in London

In case you haven’t seen An American Werewolf in London, here’s my take on it: Two college grads decide to hitchhike around Europe instead of getting jobs. They’re attacked by a werewolf while loitering on the Moors of some place in England or Japan. (Like I can tell the difference).

An American Werewolf in London

One dies via a good chewing out, the other survives, but eventually becomes a werewolf and does to humans what a meat grinder does to farm animals. The guy’s in denial about his upgrade even though his dead buddy and victims, who continue to freshness-expire, show up from beyond to warn him this lovely crap will keep happening until he kills himself. I’d say screw you dead guy – I LIKE being a werewolf. Scratch that – I LOVE being a werewolf.

An American Werewolf in London

Throw in a  bunch of wicked sharp comedy bits, a methodic and awesome werewolf transformation scene in broad apartment light (and later again in a porno movie theater), and people getting mauled by some sort of creature, and you have one of the best contemporary werewolf movies ever made. And don’t let any rotted dead guy tell you otherwise.

An American Werewolf in London