The Kings of Kaiju

Three new key art posters for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, coming in May 2019. These are pretty dang cool as each of Godzilla’s BFFs (Big F’n Foes) get their own moment in the spotlight.

First, we get to see in sweet detail what Rodan looks like. The gigantic, trouble-making bird had his own movie back in 1956. It was Toho’s (film studio) first color movie and actually featured two Rodans. Wonder if their mom knew the pesky Pteranodons snacked on humans and intentionally knocked over buildings?

Next up is the three-headed Ghidorah, who was also called Monster Zero back in 1970. In his big screen debut, aliens in shiny suits from Planet X (on the same block as Jupiter), come to Earth asking to borrow Godzilla and Rodan to help smack Ghidorah, who has been flying around and zapping the planet with electric bolts, forcing the English-speaking extraterrestrials to live underground with no windows. Not surprisingly, beans were outlawed.

Then we come to Mothra, who was introduced in 1964. (In Japan, the movie was called Mothra vs. Godzilla, but in the States it was titled Godzilla vs. The Thing.) A huge storm (in Japan they called it a typhoon) unearths an egg the size of a shopping mall. In it are twin larvae and Mothra is their mom (or would that be “Momthra”?). Godzilla fancies an omelet and tries to crack the egg, until Mothra flies in as if to say, “Oh, hell no.”

As of this writing Godzilla: King of The Monsters is still about six months away. These new posters help ease my anxiousness to see this monster match-up. Until then, I’ll keep going to my support group meetings.

Three Heads, Two Tails, Four Names

Astro-Monster is really King Ghidorah with a different name. Actually, in this 1965 sci-fi classi movie, he’s referred to by four different names: Monster Zero, Astro-Monster, Ghidrah and the aforementioned King Ghidorah. I bet this gets really confusing to the cops that pull him over for speeding.

Planet X, parked right behind Jupiter in the Scorpion Galaxy (yes, that’s a real galaxy), is sending out a distress signal. So an American and Japanese astronaut fly there to check it out. A little more than a commuter flight, the lunar dudes land on the barren planet, only to be greeted by Xians, inhabitants that have to live five miles underground because of you-know-who zapping them in the meteor hole.

These Xians wear silver space suits and New Wave sunglasses and offer Earth a miracle drug that will cure any disease (not Budweiser™, but close) in exchange for their help in getting rid of you-know-who. (It’s not determined if the miracle drug can eliminate hangovers. If it did, I’d be on the next rocket headed to the very REAL Scorpion Galaxy.)

The Xians need to borrow Godzilla and that pecker head Rodan, the only two things that could possibly defeat the lightning-spewing beast. So they come to Earth in flying saucers (even referred to by the Xians as flying saucers) and using technology, transport the city-wreckers back to Planet X in space bubbles, where an epic point-counterpoint with King Ghidorah ensues.

Back on Earth, the astronauts find out they’ve been hoaxed by the Xians who want to control our world. Those stinkin’ butt-heads. They have Godzilla and Rodan under control and bring King Ghidorah to our previously happy planet to smash it, the irony being that we were doing it fine on our own.

Urban mega damage and battle destructo-ness transpires. Despite Godzilla doing a premature one-legged victory hop dance (an entirely embarrassing moment, even if he was drunk with power), Invasion of Astro-Monster is good time giant monster fun. And really, isn’t that why we’re all here?