Archive for Monster Brawl

Heavy Metal Waffles, Homicidal Wrestlers, Shark Parade

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

KISS: The Demon Waffle Maker

I’ve seen a lot of KISS™ merchandise over the years, but a Gene Simmons waffle iron is probably the coolest. (It also beats my KISShome pregnancy test kit all to hell.) Designed to make “Demon Waffles” (Gene’s character), it forms otherwise pointless waffle batter into a likeness of the bass player’s famous make-up design. (Wonder why McDonald’s™ never thought of that for the Hamburgler?)

KISS: The Demon Waffle Maker

KISS The Demon Waffle Maker™ can be obtained for $39.99 plus your soul and can even be used as a sandwich press, though Gene Simmons as a gooey peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn’t sound that rock. It measures 8.5” x 5” x 10” and is made of stainless steel, or “metal.” Heh.

While your demon-faced waffle finishes burning, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to stick your own face into…

Monochrome

MONOCHROME (June 6, 2018)
“A disillusioned young woman becomes a serial killer targeting wealthy land-owners, forcing a brilliant detective to use his unusual neurological condition to track her down.”

Pffft! — I have the same unusual neurological condition. It’s called a hangover.

Wrestlemassacre

WERESTLEMASSACRE (July, 2018)
“Randy is an awkward groundskeeper who is obsessed with professional wrestling. Longing for a sense of belonging with grandiose dreams of becoming a wrestling superstar, Randy is only met with abject humiliation and alienation. A brutal shaming at a local wrestling school pushes Randy over the edge and lights the spark for his blood lust. Donned in wrestling gear and armed with homicidal rage, Randy sets out on a blood soaked rampage to punish those who wronged him. The only hope of putting an end to his reign of carnage lies with Becky, an understanding client who is one of the only few to ever show him kindness.”

As a fan of pro wrestling — the only TRUE sport — I look forward to this one. If you’re of like mind, check out Wrestlemaniac (2006), Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies (2013), Santo vs. las Mujeres Vampiro (1962) and my guilty fav, Monster Brawl (2011). I usually apply choke slams on beers while watching it.

Great White

GREAT WHITE (2018)
“A blissful tourist trip quickly turns into a nightmare when five passengers on a seaplane become stranded miles from shore. In a desperate bid for survival the group try to make it to land before they either run out of supplies or are taken by the man-eating sharks lurking just beneath the surface.”

Not to be confused with the other Great White movie, an Italian-made Jaws rip-off, back in 1981. But along with this one and Discovery Channel’s™ deliciously popular Shark Week (30th anniversary) launching on July 22, 2018, this looks to be the year of the shark, all topped off by The Meg (2018) chomping its way through people floating on inner tubes as if wet donuts.

Hellboy: Rise of the Blood Queen

HELLBOY (January 11, 2019)
“The new story sees the hero squaring off against a medieval sorceress who seeks to destroy humankind.”

One of no doubt many new sales art representations of the Hellboy: Rise of the Blood Queen movie. I first tagged this one on June 27, 2017. That key art was illustrated so as to keep kinetic with the graphic novels. But I like this one better as Hellboy himself looks pretty Hell-y.

Frankenstein vs. The Mummy

Posted in Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Frankenstein vs. The Mummy

Frankenstein vs. The Mummy. I think they mean Frankenstein’s Monster vs. The Mummy. Frankenstein was a scientist who beat up people with his brain. Frankenstein’s Monster threw little non-bouyant girls into lakes. Nevertheless, a nice mash-up between two reanimated dead flesh bags to be enjoyed by all.

Arriving February 10, 2015, Frankenstein vs. The Mummy has a plot that sounds like a WWE pay-per-view: “Dr. Victor Frankenstein and Egyptologist Naihla Khalil are both professors at a leading medical university. Victor’s latest grisly “experiment” is the re-animated corpse of a sadistic madman, and Naihla’s most recent find is the cursed mummy of an evil pharaoh.”

“When the two monsters face-off in an epic showdown, no one is safe from the slaughter. Can the murderous rampage be stopped and the carnage contained before it’s too late?”

Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man / Dracula vs. Frankenstein

Lest ye forget, Frankenstein’s science experiment has battled many a monster throughout history, starting with Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman in 1943, ripping arms off in Dracula vs. Frankenstein in 1971 and kicking fur in a wrestling re-match in 2011’s brilliantly campy Monster Brawl, in which Mr. Stein takes on a werewolf in the squared circle.

Monster Brawl

But for sheer brass knuckle-headedness, you might check out 1965’s Frankenstein Conquers the World, with a 50-foot Frankenstein’s Monster going hammerlock to hammerlock with Baragon, one of Godzilla’s punching bags.

Frankenstein Conquers The World

So who won in each of these battles? We, the viewers.

Pro Wrestlers Vs. Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 6, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pro Wrestlers Vs. Zombies

Pro Wrestlers Vs. Zombies. Did I just wake up and it’s already Christmas?

The plot of this Oscar contender – which makes its world premier world at this year’s Bram Stoker International Horror Festival at Whitby, England, October 24-27th, 2013 – is about pro wrestlers who battle…ZOMBIES! I know, right? Best plot ever.

The film stars Rowdy Roddy Piper, “The Franchise” Shane Douglas, “Raven” Scott Levy, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Matt Hardy, Kurt Angle and many more. (Note: even though in my dreams I’m the Intercontinental Champion belt holder, I am, alas, not in this movie.)

Monster Brawl

Fans of this genre lock-up should  take a look at the brilliant Monster Brawl (2011), which features eight classic monsters fighting to the death in an explosive wrestling tournament set inside an abandoned and cursed graveyard. I know, right? Best plot ever.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t in that one, either. My day will come.