Giant Bug vs. Enormous Bug

There is only one thing The Deadly Mantis (1957) has over the almost identical Them! (1954), a nuclear monster movie hailed by the American Film Institute as one of the greatest sci-fi movies of all time: The bug looks cooler. Yeah, I said it.

The giant ants in Them! look like someone stuck pipe cleaners into a couple of potatoes and spray-painted ’em with Rust-oleum™. The giant mantis in The Deadly Mantis looks exactly like a mantis, all alien-esque, spindly and icky. (While we’re on the subject, The Outer Limits’ Zanti Misfits (1963) look more like what ants are supposed to look like minus the big bulging eyeballs, though I’ve seen a few of those things crawling around just after last call.)

Taking the page-by-page format of the “giant insects eat civilization” right out of the Them! playbook, the title 200 foot-long Mantidae (biology name) was de-iced after a volcano thawed it from its icy cube in the North Pole. (I didn’t know they had active volcanoes in the North Pole. Snowball fights, yes; but lava?)

The military stationed up there (building a massive early detection network) sustains severe preliminary damage as the mantis feeds itself on mess hall chow (servicemen). Then it flys south, theorized to be heading to South America where I here it’s warmer than the North Pole and more suitable for getting an all-around tan. (Note to self: Use that tanning salon coupon before it expires.)

On its way for a vacation, the mantis buzzes Washington, D.C., and takes a poop rest on the Washington Monument, totally mocking visiting hours. Jets are dispatched, but the launched missiles rarely connect with their exoskeleton target. (Note to the city down below: the air force was just trying to help, man – get over it.)

One heroic pilot accidentally rams his jet into the bug due to London-grade fog that seems to be covering the entire East Coast, ejecting before ka-BOOM! The mantis hits the ground and crawls into the Manhattan Tunnel, mimicking the giants ants that took up homeless camp residence in the vast Los Angeles drainage tunnels and mocking New York Port Authority’s toll charges. The bail-out pilot leads the charge into the tunnel, armed with chemical gas can bombs, and throws it right onto the face of mantis. In your face, deadly mantis!

But for all its plagiarized similarities to Them!, The Deadly Mantis has two very funny scenes. One is with a bunch of military guys jailhouse rockin’ each other in the rec room as there are no dames around at the North Pole, and the other where a scientist and a dame (visiting journalist covering the story) and a military dude are theorizing how big the monster is, guessing that it’s probably over six-feet tall. This while the mantis is right outside their window and rising up over three stories. I just about crapped sno-cones over that one.

In conclusion, while the sci-fi sorta classic The Deadly Mantis looks good, it isn’t as good as Them!

P.S. For more big bug fun, watch 1957’s Beginning of the End – it features REAL giant grasshoppers. Those things goon me out for some reason.

Resurging Aliens

No sooner do I post a blog (or “blawg”) about Godzilla’s new movie being titled Godzilla: Resurgence, now comes a 20-years-later sequel to Independence Day (1996) called Independence Day: Resurgence. I know Hollywood’s been running out of ideas, but now they’re in short supply of titles where they have to rip off Godzilla?

(Ironic note: ID: R is once again directed by Roland Emmerich, the guy who ruined Godzilla in 1998 with his remake.)

Independence Day: Resurgence picks up 20 years after earth smacked ass on the invading aliens that nearly destroyed our watering hole. This was accomplished by uploading a computer virus to the alien’s Mothership, which caused the extraterrestrial defenses to be rendered null and void, thus allowing tried ’n true missiles to smack ass. (Good thing alien Motherships are compatible with Apple™ laptops.)

Independence Day: Resurgence, which comes out in spring 2016, features original stars Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman and 81 year-old Judd Hirsch. (And I thought he looked old 20 years ago.) Missing in alien action is Will Smith, who probably didn’t see the point in remaking the same movie. Smart man.

That said, the trailer all but gives away the entire movie and ending. Not surprising – why do a flick that has the aliens winning? Clearly, we have more than enough missiles/Mac computers to handle the job.