Archive for mermaids

Galloping Ghosts, Another Apocalypse, Leggy Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Galloping Ghost Arcade

Wanna play rare and classic horror/sci-fi-themed pinball? Then you’re gonna have to gallop to the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield, IL. Depending where you live if not in Brookfield, the cost of getting there will be a LOT of quarters.

Galloping Ghost Arcade

The famed arcade now has said super rare pinball machines, ready to suck up your pocket change like a hobo Roomba™: Twilight Zone, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Addams Family, Godzilla (the sucky 1998 monster, not the non-sucky 1954 version), Tales From The Crypt, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aliens, and the super-rare one-of-a-kind prototype of Predator, with red skulls on elongated skeletal spines mounted on each side of the machine. If you lose, your skull plus spine gets ripped out and hung on the trophy wall. (It’d be cool if that were true.)

Galloping Ghost Arcade

$15 — $20 gets you unlimited play on all the machines all day. I would’ve paid at least $20.01. So while you inner weep with anguish that you’re not within tilting distance of the Galloping Ghost Arcade, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series and movies that may or may not give you unlimited viewing for $20, give or take a few quarters…

The Passage

THE PASSAGE (January 14, 2019/Fox™)
“Based on author Justin Cronin’s trilogy of the same name, The Passage is a character-driven action drama that focuses on Project Noah, a secret medical facility where scientists experiment with a dangerous virus that could lead to the cure for all disease — but it also could potentially wipe out the human race. When a young girl is chosen to be a test subject, a federal agent is tasked with bringing her in, but he becomes her surrogate father, determined to protect her at any cost — even as Project Noah’s work threatens to unleash an unimaginable apocalypse.”

This one’s a TV series and sounds apocalyptical-y edgier than we’re used to getting from the Fox Network. The irony here being that most of Fox’s programming qualifies as apocalyptical-y craptacular, Gotham, The Exorcist and Lucifer notwithstanding. (Hell’s Kitchen? Is that stupid thing still on the air?)

10

10 (January 18, 2019/Netflix)
Sam, a teenage girl, is one of the last people on a post-cataclysmic Earth. With the final shuttle scheduled to leave the planet, she must decide whether to journey to the launch point and join the rest of humanity, or remain on Earth, a castaway in the only home she has ever known.”

This looks to be based on an episode of Futurama (“A Farewell To Arms”/2012). Don’t screw with a guy who knows his cartoons.

The Golem

THE GOLEM (February 5, 2019)
“During an outbreak of a deadly plague, a young woman, Hanna, must save her tight-knit Jewish community from invaders. Turning to Jewish mysticism, she conjures a dangerous entity to protect her and her people. However, the powerful creature she summons may be far more evil than anything she could have ever imagined.”

Wrote about the original Golem before — several times. It was done in 1915 and was a German silent film, blah, blah, blah. And yes, there have been remakes with the EXACT SAME PLOT.

The Isle

THE ISLE (February, 2019/Limited theater release)
“Set in 1846 on a remote island off the west coast of Scotland, where three survivors from a mysterious sinking of their merchant ship find themselves stranded on a small misty isle. The isle’s four sole secretive residents, an old harbor man, a farmer, his niece and a young mad woman, are anything but welcoming and reluctant to aid the sailors back to the mainland. The promise of a boat never materializes leading one of the sailors to question why people had abandoned the island. Through his investigation he discovers that every year around the same date a tragedy at sea would occur and young men from the island would perish. When his two shipmates meet with fatal accidents, the myth of a ghostly siren haunting the island leads him to try and uncover the truth.”

Sounds like mermaids with legs. (Come to think of it, nice visual.) This also seems to echo the plot of the new movie, The Vanishing (2019). I haven’t seen that one yet, but I don’t think it has mermaids with legs. Too bad; I might’ve watched it twice by now. 

Mermaids, UFOs, Vampires, Witches

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 16, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mermaid Map

MetroNews.com recently posted an article featuring an illustrated 1562 map that depicts several mermaids holding/playing with UFOs. That these objects could possibly be clam shells doesn’t negate the fact that mermaids and UFOs are as real as tasty, butter-dipped bivalve molluscs.

Mermaid Maid

From the article written by Jaspar Hamill (Pffft — that name sounds so made up), the map is called Americae Sive Quartae Orbis Partis Nova Et Exactissima Descriptio (A New and Most Exact Description of America or The Fourth Part of the World). It was made in 1562 by the Spanish cartographer Diego Gutiérrez and the Flemish artist Hieronymus Cock (Awesome ancient porn name). The map is the earliest example of a large ‘wall map’ of America and is believed to be the first to feature the name ‘California’. It features giants as well as barbaric cannibals shown roasting a victim over an open fire.”

The map also includes “images of parrots, monkeys, mermaids, fearsome sea creatures, cannibals, Patagonian giants, and an erupting volcano in central Mexico complement the numerous settlements, rivers, mountains, and capes named. Sadly, it did not indicate why the mermaids might be holding a UFO, which means this ancient mystery remains officially unsolved.”

Mermaid Map

Man, it must’ve been a blast to live in 1562. I’d go out for a drink with a mermaid — for about 30 seconds, which is about as long as I can hold my breath.

So if you wanna see this NOT FAKE map in person, it’s being housed at the Library of Congress. Or, you could just wait for these upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to see if there are any barbaric cannibals shown roasting people over an open fire…

Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum

GONJIAM: HAUNTED ASYLUM (March 28, 2018/South Korea | April 13, 2018 (US/Limited)
“The crew of a horror web show plan to stream live from inside a ‘haunted’ asylum. To attract more viewers, the show’s host arranges some scares for the team, but as they move further into the nightmarish old building, they begin to encounter much more than expected.”

YET ANOTHER one of these “reality shows in a haunted asylum” movies. By my count, this makes over one billion. And yes, I’ve see all one billion of ‘em. What can I say? I have a lot of free couch time.

Corbin Nash

CORBIN NASH (April 20, 2018)
“Searching a world of darkness for a truth he was never ready for, a rogue detective is murdered only to be reborn the ultimate killer. Embracing his destiny, vowing vengeance on all that destroyed his family; he is Corbin Nash, Demon Hunter.”

I liked it better when it was Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010). Still, with demon hunter job openings becoming as scarce as soap-filled dispensers in dive bar restrooms, might be time to see some demon slaying job skills in action.

Vidar The Vampire

VIDAR THE VAMPIRE (available now/Norway | 2018 U.S.)
Vidar Haarr is a 33-year-old, sexually frustrated bachelor farmer who leads a monotonous life as a Christian on his mother’s farmstead in the Western outskirts of Norway.  In a desperate attempt to break free from routine, Vidar prays to a higher power to grant him a life without boundaries. Unfortunately, his prayers are heard and, following that most unorthodox of ceremonies, Vidar is reborn as the Prince of Darkness.”

Been following this one. The press is calling Vidar The Vampire “a blood drenched, over-the-top horror comedy that is seriously not for the easily offended.” There is no part of that sentence I didn’t like.

I Am Not A Witch

I AM NOT A WITCH (available/France, Germany | 2018 U.S.)
When eight-year-old Shula turns up alone and unannounced in a rural Zambian village, the locals are suspicious. A minor incident escalates to a full-blown witch trial, where she is found guilty and sentenced to life on a state-run witch camp. There, she is tethered to a long white ribbon and told that if she ever tries to run away, she will be transformed into a goat. As the days pass, Shula begins to settle into her new community, but a threat looms on the horizon.  Soon she is forced to make a difficult decision — whether to resign herself to life on the camp, or take a risk for freedom.”

I say risk freedom and turn into a goat. You don’t see many of those things around the mall much anymore, so that could be kinda neat.

Vampire Princesses, Serial Killers, Chick Robots

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Last Vampire Princess

I’ve long known that the National UFO Reporting Center is located in Davenport, right here in Washington State, just shy of a five hour easterly drive from where I’m lounging around in my unmentionables. Thought it might be cool to call them up and chat about all things unidentified and/or flying. Didn’t have any sightings to tell them about, just wanted to see what’s up with UFOs these days. (269 reports in February — down from 310 in January. Maybe flying saucers aren’t beer-running as much now that Amazon Prime™ delivers right to your styrofoam fridge.)

Here’s their number in case you want to report an alien invasion: (206) 722-3000. Or if you don’t have a phone (social misfit), visit their website at www.nuforc.org. They do important work.

And on an unrelated topic, here are some identified new horror movies landing soon near you…

THE LAST VAMPIRE PRINCESS (March 16, 2017/UK – 2017/2018 U.S.)
“Pasha is a delivery boy for an express delivery service in Moscow. One evening he is delivering a parcel to a hotel, when he witnesses an attack on a mysterious guest of the hotel named Dana. Pasha steps in and saves the girl from her attackers, who possess amazing, supernatural powers. Representatives of secret intelligence agencies arrive on the scene of the incident and proceed to offering Pasha a job in the top secret Department D that deals with evil spirits, performing daily accounting and control of all the non-human creatures that live in the city, such as poltergeists, goblins and mermaids.”

Man, this one sounds cool. I wanna work for Department D — might be my only chance to hook up (heh) with a mermaid.

The Abduction of Jennifer Grayson

THE ABDUCTION OF JENNIFER GRAYSON (March 28, 2017)
“Kidnapped after spurning a man’s advances, a young woman slowly falls for the charms of her captor. He eventually sets her free, but is he the serial killer the police have been hunting for? Only Jennifer Grayson can help them stop him once and for all.”

Not a fan of serial killer horror movies. They’re like the karaoke of violence. That, and since we see this stuff all the time in real life and at the grocery store, who really cares?

Sheborg Massacre

SHE-BORG MASSACRE (April 19, 2017)
“When an alien fugitive crash lands into a local puppy farm and begins turning people into mutated robot killing machines with a taste for puppy flesh, Dylan and Eddie, two self-proclaimed political activists, are all that stand between the Earth and total domination. Forced into a ‘dare to be great’ situation that neither are prepared for, the two BFFL’s must fight their way past cops, city officials and cybernetic dog butchers in order to destroy the evil Sheborg and save the planet!”

Puppy flesh?!? What’s for dessert — a Kit Kat™ candy bar made out of a real cat? Pretty ballsy to use that as a plot device, given the billions of dog and cat owners that would serial kill you for even insinuating harm towards an animal.

Rock Paper Dead ROCK PAPER DEAD (2017)
“After 10 years, serial killer, Peter ‘the Doll Maker’ Harris returns as a ‘cured man’ to his ancestral family home after being released from the state’s hospital for the criminally insane. Once inside the old house, anguished memories from a tortured childhood and ghostly visitations from his past victims shake Peter’s resolve. It isn’t until lovely young Ashley enters his life that Peter makes a fateful decision, one that will rekindle old desires that always ended in murder.”

This one was supposed to come out in 2016. Seems like a long time ago and feels like anguished memories. So yep, YET ANOTHER serial killer movie with a plot that appear to have come from a Wal-Mart clearance sale. Hope there’s a return policy.

And because I missed your birthday/Christmas/anniversary/bar mitzvah/misc., here is yest another cool new Kong: Skull Island poster, just for you…

Kong: Skull Island

I See Sea People

Posted in Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sea People

What was thought to be a flick about mermaids who lure stinky fishermen to their watery graves, then crack their skulls open like clam shells and feast on their gooey duck brains, turned out to be a fantasy Disney-esque tear-jerker. Dammit.

Sea People

Hume Cronin, all but reprising his role in Cocoon (1985, another breast-less feature), is an actual mermaid (but he prefers to be called “Sea People”). He and his mermaid wife eat seaweed and pump seawater into their sleeping tanks, which are industrial strength aquariums.

Sea People

Hume (that name sounds SO made up) looks as old as the barnacles growing on the bottom of the boats that sail in and out of the unsuspecting harbor. He has no fins, visible gills, or creature-like attributes, but does manage a decent dog paddle. In short, Sea People (1999) is out to sea.