Archive for Mediterranean

Multi Evil Balloons, Multi-Headed Sharks, Multi Levels of Hell

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 6, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It

Lovin’ the prankster “marketing” of Stephen King’s It re-boot (releasing September 8, 2017). One comes from Pennsylvania, specifically Lititz Borough, located about 40 miles southeast of Harrisburg. Someone tied the “kid bait” iconic red balloon to sewer grates. For those who know, this is where the demonic clown Pennywise lives, lures you in, and makes you load your britches in fear. Coincidence all of this takes place in a sewer?

red balloons

The other one comes from Stephen King himself, tying a red balloon in the window of his famous Bangor, Maine house for visiting trespassing gawkers to see/photograph. I don’t know why, but I find this to be quite funny.

The film is getting a huge pre-buzz and looks to scare the clown paint off your face. While wade through sewer holes to see it, here are few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to honk your clown car horn…

5-Headed Shark Attack

5-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (available now)
“Shaped like a terrifying starfish, a shark that has five heads terrorizes the open ocean and invades the beaches of Puerto Rico.”

Don’t know how this one got by me. I must’ve been manscaping. Or kazoo busking (I’m getting quite good at it — I’m now a double income lower class earner.) This shark week franchise got it’s start back in 2012 with 2-Headed Shark Attack. Then came 3-Headed Shark Attack in 2015. Waited anxiously for 4-Headed Shark Attack, but I think they just skipped the line and went for the brass life ring with 5-Headed Shark Attack. These types of movies don’t really need a plot — just get some screaming bait in micro bikinis and ring the dinner bell. As goofy as the premise is, you couldn’t pay me NOT to watch it.

Cold Moon

COLD MOON (October 6, 2017)
“In a sleepy southern town, the Larkin family suffers a terrible tragedy. Now the Larkin’s are about to endure another: traffic lights blink an eerie warning, a ghostly visage prowls in the streets, and graves erupt from the local cemetery in an implacable march of terror. And beneath the murky surface of the river, a shifting, almost human shape slowly takes form to seek a terrible vengeance.”

It’s probably Pennywise. If so, props to his agent for him scoring another showcase role.

Death House

DEATH HOUSE (January 26, 2018)
“Two federal agents fight their way through nine levels of Hell inside a secret prison known as the Death House. A facility-wide prison break turns their flight into a tour of horrors as they push toward the ultimate evil housed in the lowest depths of the earth.”

Almost the same plot premise as Baskin, a Turkish horror movie released in 2015 that’ll make you give up eating rancid ground hamburger floating in an otherwise delicious ketchup-based sauce. As for the nine levels of Hell, you can enter three of ‘em on your way to the men’s room at The Tug Tavern.

Let The Corpses Tan

LET THE CORPSES TAN (aka Laissez bronzer les cadavres!/2018)
“A Mediterranean summer: blue sea, blazing sun…and 250 kg of gold stolen by Rhino and his gang. They had found the perfect hideout: an abandoned and remote hamlet now taken over by a woman artist in search for inspiration. Unfortunately, surprise guests and two cops compromise their plan: the heavenly place where wild happenings and orgies used to take place turns into a gruesome battlefield.”

This one might need to be nominated for movie title of the year award. Gotta love the colorful press release: “wild happenings and orgies” and “gruesome battlefield.” Sounds like a heavy metal box social.

S.U.M.1

S.U.M.1 (2018)
“An aggressive race of aliens took over Earth and humanity’s at its end, living in giant bunkers below ground. Young military rookie S.U.M.1 is sent to the surface to save a group of unprotected survivors.”

Recalls Battle Los Angeles (2011) and about another hundred sci-fi movies featuring aliens. Still don’t know why extraterrestrials are so hell bent on conquering we Earthers; maybe it’s on their to-do list.

Fishy Horror

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Weaverfish

First tripped across the British horror movie Weaverfish on YouTube™ back in summer of 2013. I watched the trailer, read the movie description and was duly unimpressed. Then I clicked away, vowing never to return.

It’s now summer-ish of 2015 and Weaverfish is now downloadable and/or rentable on Vimeo™. Watching the updated trailer, I’m still wondering what the movie is about.

Weaverfish

Here’s the description: “Trouble lurks when a group of friends enter the restricted grounds of a condemned oil plant, eager to exploit its secluded river creek for a night of partying. The eventful weekend takes a sickening turn when one by one they fall victim to a grossly disfiguring infection.”

“The rapidly deteriorating members embark on a journey back to civilization through the woods, unaware of the other presence hunting them down. As their weekend suddenly escalates into a chilling race for survival, the dangers of their trespassing finally begin to surface, untangling a surprising and shocking conspiracy.”

Weaverfish

Still confused. Some deep research (clicking on a link) into the weaverfish (or “weever”)  revealed it to be 37 cms in length, mainly brown in color, and have poisonous spines on their first dorsal fins and gills. Weevers are sometimes used as an ingredient in the recipe for bouillabaisse. Guess what I’m gonna quit eating.

So maybe the oil-polluted water mutated the fish and the fish infected the dumbass teens who drink and take illegal drugs and smoke, when it’s been proved over and over that smoking is not good for you and carries long-term health complications. Dumbasses.

Weaverfish

Then the movie goes on to propose there’s a mysterious stalker who tracks down the infected teens. Maybe the stalker is trying to cover up the mutated weaverfish (or “weevers”). I just don’t know.

What I do know, however, is that all species in the weaverfish family are restricted to the eastern Atlantic (including the Mediterranean). Man, I hate it when horror movies make me do homework.