Archive for maggots

Larva of the Living Dead

Posted in Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Island of the Dead

When East Coast homeless people die and can’t afford a funeral with all the extras (coffin, dirt, absolution) they’re buried on an uninhabited island just an autopsy away from New York. Sounds more like landfill than an island.

Island of the Dead

So this Scrooge McDuck rich guy gets the idea to buy the island, rebrand it as “Hope Island’, build a bunch of low rent slums on its bleak shores, thereby “cleaning” the streets of the Big Dirty Apple. As a PR move, it scores big with those who just want the homeless problem to go away. But the dead who live on the island think the idea sucks, so they turn themselves into cloud swarms of flies and maggots and attack the living.

Island of the Dead

Script padding includes a bleeding heart female cop trying to find corpse closure, a few expendable prisoners (they use jail guys to dig the graves, thus saving tax dollars), and an experiment to experiment on the tenants to develop some sort of space drug, no doubt for NASA, those ass hats. They even toss in a couple of angry rap songs to illustrate the plight of inner city citizens. (Like rap is even music – pffft.)

Gilligan's Island

Outside of accelerated decomposition of bodies after they’re bitten by gangsta flies and gangsta maggots, Island of the Dead (2000) couldn’t be more boring. The pace is excruciatingly slow (much like the maggot’s squiggly dance of death amongst assorted entrails), and the “dead” aren’t seen ripping the heads of the living and gorging on their brains. Stick to Gilligan’s Island (1964) for some real head-ripping action.

Island of the Living Dead

P.S. It is my express wish in life that you do not confuse Island of the Dead with the slight variation titled Island of the Living Dead (2007). And because you need something more substantial, that one is about a group of treasure hunters surviving a shipwreck only to find themselves stuck on a deserted island that’s been overrun with nasty ass flesh-eating zombies.

P.P.S. How can an island be deserted when its overrun by zombies? Movie makers be so dumb sometimes.

Hell Is Full Of Green Gunk

Posted in Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 22, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Drag Me To Hell

In order to advance her stimulating career as a bank loan officer, Christine Brown denies an old gypsy woman an extension on a mortgage, thereby invoking a curse, that when applied properly, will drag your soul to Hell. In other words, account closed.

Drag Me To Hell

The gypsy, who dies and comes back to enable said curse by way of a button (don’t ask), looks like one of the moms of The Evil Dead (1981). The rules are clear, though – give the cursed coat button to someone else, then their soul will burn in Hell for, like, a million years. The plan is to give the button back to the dead gypsy woman. I know what you’re thinking, but according to gypsy law, the soul never dies, hence…

Drag Me To Hell

If you can’t predict the ending at this point, go to Hell. The gypsy woman, who spends a lot of time throwing up stuff (maggots, green gunk, undigested breath mints) in Christine’s mouth, is nicely yucky. But the story and effects are as lackluster as my skills with curses.

Drag Me To Hell

Try and see if you can get through Drag Me To Hell’s (2009) seance scene without laughing or throwing up green gunk. Can’t be done.

Spreading the Love Disease

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Contracted: Phase II

Sometimes icky sex is better than no sex at all. (Disclaimer: this ONLY applies to horror movies.)

In Contracted (2013), a modern horror story about a one-night-stand gone wrong, Samantha, a young gal, has sorta consensual sex with a guy who just had sex with a corpse (he works at a morgue). The next day, after waking up feeling not so fresh, Samantha soon discovers her body is slowly rotting from the inside out. Even if she ate soap sandwiches, it couldn’t stop the progressing ickiness. What to do? Have sex with someone and share the “love.”

Contracted: Phase II

And that’s right where the sequel, Contracted: Phase II (2015) picks up. This guy Riley sorta consensually has sex with Samantha, and doesn’t seem to mind the maggots coming out of her public privates. So now he’s got the love bug:

Phase II follows Riley, one of the last people to come in contact with Samantha, as he scrambles to track down those responsible for the outbreak before the highly contagious disease not only consumes his body, but the world as we know it.”

Contracted: Phase II

Contracted: Phase II comes out on September 25, 2015. You might want to have a bottle of bleach handy to wipe down the TV after you see it. Just in case.