Archive for madmen

Artful Sharks, Truth-Telling Ouija Boards, Life + Death Stuff

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Meg

Two more new key art designs for the super-sized mega-gigantic extra-large shark movie, The Meg, due out August 10, 2018. (It’ll be on the Imax™ screen — I just made Christmas happen in my pants.)

The Meg

Can’t wait to see this one, although I have friends who absolutely refuse to see it. I don’t know what’s more confusing — that I have friends or why would anyone NOT want to see the biggest shark ever eat submarines like Tootsie Rolls™? I guess sometimes your not supposed to know all of life’s answers. Leave that to Ouija boards.

While I unwrap my pants and head to the laundromat, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be as unholy delicious as Tootsie Rolls™…

Ouija Seance: The Final Game

OUIJA SEANCE: THE FINAL GAME (July 3, 2018)
Sarah and her friends decide to spend the weekend at an old villa Sarah mysteriously inherited. After finding a Ouija board in the attic, Sarah and her friends unknowingly awaken an evil force connected to the villa’s hidden secrets. To fight the unimaginable horror they will have to face their darkest fears and worst nightmares.”

There’s really no way to come up with a new plot for anything involving a Ouija board and teens. That said, last time I used a Ouija board, it spelled out “dumbass” — and I was the only one playing it! Demonic entities can be so cold.

Dead Night

DEAD NIGHT (July 27, 2018)
James and his wife Casey load up their two teenage kids and head out to a remote cabin in Oregon for a weekend trip. When James heads into the snowy forest in search of firewood, he encounters an enigmatic woman passed out in the snow. Bringing her back to the cabin for help, the family has no way of knowing that the woman’s presence is the catalyst for a series of events that will change their lives forever.”

The so-called “enigmatic woman” was quite likely Bigfoot’s Tinder™ hook-up; she probably got lost on the way to BF’s party pad because, hey woods! P.S. I didn’t know James was married with kids. WTF?

Blood Fest

BLOOD FEST (August 31, 2018)
“Fans flock to a festival celebrating the most iconic horror movies, only to discover that the charismatic showman behind the event has a diabolical agenda. As festival attendees start dying off, three teenagers — more schooled in horror-film cliches than practical knowledge — must band together and battle through various madmen and monstrosities to survive.”

Right up my old address. The plot is pretty dang coolio and I would like to participate as I scored the top four spots on an online horror trivia game. Only missed one question: What is the name of Frankenstein’s monster’s creator? (I typed in: “Dracula.” Once again, the Ouija board was right.)

Memento Mori

MEMENTO MORI (2018)
“A teenager girl’s life seems perfect: beautiful, popular, rich. Yet she has a dark secret which is revealed during a pool party, where a violent incident happens that will end with her in a coma.”

In case your Latin is as rusty as your bedsprings, Memento Mori means “Remember you will die.” (And here all this time I thought it translated to “order another beer.”) The title’s been used twice before — once in 1999 (a Japanese “horror” film) and again in 2016, where a boy “dies” on a tattoo parlor table. Odd place for a proctology exam. Seems that’d be more painful as deemed necessary.

Artificial Werewolves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dark Moon Rising

Always up for a new werewolf movie, but after watching the trailer for the poorly titled Dark Moon Rising (releasing August 4, 2015), I have some reservations. First, the plot…

“A group of shape-shifting werewolves descend upon a small town in search of a girl who is re-born once every 2,000 years. She holds the key to their survival, and all will die who stand in their way.”

Seems reasonable enough. But digital werewolves are not my flea bag. Something about artificial hair and fangs just ain’t cool, man. Even though they self-proclaim Dark Moon Rising as “An American Werewolf in London takes a bite out of Near Dark in this bloody, unique take on The Wolfman legend,” computer generated monsters are suck-o.

Dark Moon Rising

P.S. There was another werewolf movie called Dark Moon Rising that came out in 2009. You’d think the filmmakers of the 2015 version would’ve done a bit of homework. But hey, Hollywood – birthplace of the copy machine.

Dreadtime Stories

The upcoming Dreadtime Stories anthology shows more promise, and even sports a werewolf in one of its 10 (!) stories. I watched the trailer; Now that’s some quality fur and fang action. Here’s an overview…

“A party turns bizarre when a malevolent book makes its way into the hands of the attendees who reveal its tales of monsters, madmen and the supernatural…”

Dreatime Stories

Dreadtime Stories features more than 50 cast members, the bulk of which we can only hope will suffer painful and splattery fates for our entertainment. But we’re gonna have to wait a bit to experience the mayhem as Dreadtime Stories isn’t slated to come out until early 2016.

That sucks. Heck, by then I could be converted into a religious nutcase, renounce all my horror movie ways and quit drinking refreshing adult beverages. Just kidding. Not gonna happen. If it did, that would be the scariest horror story of all time.