Archive for Lynda Carter

TV Superheroes, Wooden Evil, Bad Babies

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Daily Planet

Cracking up over the “cover story” of the Daily Planet (where Superman as Clark Kent works for minimum wage) about superheroes uniting to protect the Earth. Whoever mocked this up is a flippin’ genius and probably drinks a lot of smart water.

Lois Lane and Clark Kent

The article is “written” by Lois Lane. So awesome. But it’s the photo of Superman (George Reeves), Batman (Adam West), Robin (Burt Ward) Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter) and Aquaman (Lloyd Bridges) that’s even better because none of these heroes overlapped in the same time/universe. Conclusive proof: Adventures of Superman aired from 1952 — 1958. Batman aired from 1966 — 1968. Wonder Woman aired from 1975 — 1979. And Sea Hunt (here’s the genius part) aired from 1958 — 1961. Outside of a pilot episode that sunk faster than a heavy metal clam, there was no Aquaman TV series. There was, however, a cartoon series that ran from 1967 — 1970, so someone cast former United States Navy frogman Mike Nelson (Lloyd Bridges) as the scuba-doo underwater hero (Sea Hunt ran for 155 episodes). That he was depicted as Aquaman (in his original DC Comics suit) is full-on brilliant. P.S. Aquaman was punked by Man From Atlantis, which ran from 1977 — 1978, and featured a guy with “amphibious abilities.” That is so low tide.

Sea Hunt

While I go to Metropolis to get a copy of the Daily Planet and frame it, here’s a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worthy of a Lois Lane cover story…

Blood Child

BLOOD CHILD (available now)
“After suffering a devastating miscarriage in Singapore, Ashley turns to a witch doctor to help her with the occult practice of raising a ‘ghost child’ and finding the spirit of her lost child. After returning to the States, Ashley and her husband Bill find themselves pregnant again. However, their happiness is short lived as the pregnancy acts as a catalyst for a series of terrifying events that start to occur within their home. The family soon learns that Ashley has brought back a lot more than just memories from Asia. The spirit of their lost child is not about to play second fiddle to the impending new arrival, and unleashes an unspeakable evil upon the household.”

YET ANOTHER evil kid birth movie. Start with Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and go from there. So what do you feed the little home wrecker — Gerber’s™ Demon Peas? (Their strained Hell bananas, though, are to die for. No pun intended.)

RootwoodROOTWOOD (2018)
“Students Jessica and William are hosting The Spooky Hour, a podcast about paranormal phenomena and urban legends, when they’re hired by the Hollywood film producer Laura Benott to produce a horror documentary about the Curse of the Wooden Devil. They smell a chance to become famous. Together with their friend Erin they enter Rootwood Forest and investigate the area to find out the truth about the Wooden Devil and his victims.”

Sounds like YET ANOTHER Blair Witch Project (1999) knock-off/rip-off. What if they get there, only to find out the Wooden Devil is just handmade birdhouse? We can only hope satanic seagulls live in it.

The Wind

THE WIND (2018)
“A supernatural thriller set in the Western frontier of the late 1800s, where a plains-woman is driven mad by the harshness and isolation of the untamed land.”

She’s not looking at the plus side of living way out in the middle of nowhere. No traffic, noisy neighbors and plenty of flesh-eating buffalo to play fetch with and occasionally rub their fuzzy bellies (they really like that). Sounds like a slice of Heaven to me.

Isabelle

ISABELLE (2019)
“An all-American couple dream of starting a family is shattered after they move into the perfect New England neighborhood. Once settled, they soon after descend into the depths of terror as they struggle to survive a genuine threat from a dark presence that appears to want to end their very lives.”

Though this one was originally titled, The Wanting, it should’ve been called The Republicans. It also describes me in a dive bar, or “unkempt tavern.”

Superhero Facial Hair, Alien Robots, Criminal Comets

Posted in Aliens, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Supergirl

My TV superhero watching guilty pleasures include Arrow, The Flash, Gotham, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Daredevil, The Punisher, Luke Cage, Iron Fist (just barely) and Jessica Jones. But it’s Supergirl on The CW that, while targeting young teen girls, is hilarious enough to keep me all giggly during its three seasons.

Supergirl

Favorite moments include Supergirl getting drunk (“I feel…float-y…but I’m not floating…”), excitedly meeting the President (original Wonder Woman star, Lynda Carter) for the first time: “Should I get a blow-out?”, Karaoke rapping (she’s actually not half bad, though rap music in general sucks red kryptonite) and eating glazed pastry after glazed pastry in a diner as her alter-ego, Kara Danvers. (Waitress: “How can you eat all this day after day and not gain a pound?” Kara/Supergirl: “I’m an alien.” Comedy gold, I tell you.

Mon-El

But in Season 3, several characters are getting costumes, specifically ex-Supergirl boyfriend Mon-El (he has a cape he uses as a wicked weapon) and apocalyptic nemesis/world killer Reign, whose costume looks like it’d be perfect for cosplay night at the Fetish Fortress in Chinatown, NY. Both are welcome upgrades, though not too crazy about Mon-El’s new hipster beard/mustache. Arrow being the exception to the rule, superheroes in general don’t look superhero-y with facial hair — just ask Superman and his universally-mocked, digitally-erased “Canadian scarf” in Justice League (2017).

Reign

While I go shopping for a new pair of britches I can use as a weapon, here are a few upcoming/just released horror/sci-fi and genre documentaries that may or may not give your fright level a smooth, close-shave…

Kin

KIN (August 31, 2018)
Kin, a pulse-pounding crime thriller with a sci-fi twist, is the story of an unexpected hero destined for greatness. Chased by a vengeful criminal, the feds and a gang of otherworldly soldiers, a recently released ex-con and his adopted younger brother are forced to go on the run with a weapon of mysterious origin as their only protection.

I bet the “weapon of mysterious origins” is a Super Soaker™ filled with pee pee. That should pretty much stop anybody, even otherworldly soldiers. In fact, I hear NASA is building up an arsenal of such weapons just in case Earth is invaded by extraterrestrials. I heard about that on the Internet, so it can’t possibly be wrong.

The Flatwoods Monster: A Legacy of Fear

THE FLATWOODS MONSTER: A LEGACY OF FEAR (available now)
“This documentary that unlocks a decades-old mystery that included a government-ordered military examination of a purported alien crash-site, and multiple UFOs seen by countless residents of Braxton County, WV. In September of 1952 hundreds of people across the United States witnessed glowing objects streak across the skies over much of the Eastern Seaboard. One of the objects in question was seen to land on a hill near the small community of Flatwoods, West Virginia by a group of children. The children and two adults made a journey to the top of the hill to search for the object but instead found themselves face to face with a thirteen-foot tall mechanical monster.”

I’ve seen numerous TRUE documentaries about this “Beverly Spacebilly.” A moment-by-moment recounting of the story on Wikipedia™ tells that when the local sheriff showed up to investigate, he found “two elongated tracks” in the mud. We can only hope aliens, mechanical or otherwise, have enough sense to wipe their tentacles before tracking up a freshly-mopped UFO kitchen floor/deck.

Stone Seeker

 

STONE SEEKER (available now)
“Three soldiers descend into the caves beneath their city to find a fabled stone with powers.”

And there they find members of the Rolling Stones. (Stones with powers — get it? Why I’m not on Comedy Central™ continues to baffle me.)

Garlic and Gunpowder

GARLIC AND GUNPOWDER (available now)
“A comet is on track to destroy the planet — or not, depending on who you talk to. The world’s top 1% aren’t taking any chances and are planning on stashing their gold and valuables in vaults hidden deep in the mountains. A 300-pound female Mob Boss, a Chinese Mafia leader and a couple of Federal agents all have competing plans to pull off what could be the final heist of existence.”

They’re right — the guy selling tainted Romaine lettuce in the grocery store insists a comet will wipe our butts clean. Then there’s the bus stop lady who never gets on the bus who claims the end-of-the-world produce guy is full of E.coli. Either way, the criminals — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — are smart to invest their ill-gotten gains in mountain vaults. Just to be safe, they should tell me where its hidden, so I can help them re-find it if and when the comet comes to cash us out.