Archive for London

Kaiju Chums, Wrathful Windmills, Woodland Cults

Posted in demons, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla vs. Kong 2 isn’t just a fevered dream of, say, someone who might drink a LOT of beer, it’s also happening…for real. Now filming in Australia (or “Hollower Earth ”), GvK2 is slated for release on March 15, 2024. In impatient fan years, that’s like 100. (Note: The above graphic is NOT anywhere near being the official ad sheet. I hereby divest myself of any and all blame.)

Here’s what they’re telling us about the biblical event thus far: “The new movie pits the almighty Kong and the fearsome Godzilla against a colossal undiscovered threat hidden within our world, challenging their very existence – and our own. It will delve further into the histories of these Titans, their origins and the mysteries of Skull Island and beyond, while uncovering the mythic battle that helped forge these extraordinary beings and tied them to humankind forever.”

I need to take a cold shower. Before I do, I’m seeing the movie might also be called Godzilla and Kong and Godzilla and Kong: Origins, suggesting these two city-wrecking rascals are now BFFs. Cute. I’ll check Instagram™ for their selfies and hug-it-out posts. 

While we’re forced to wait for the future to hurry up and get here right the f-word now, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not induce fever dreams brought on by beer… 

MIRAL / Out now (VOD)

“A family on a car journey runs into trouble in a windmills farm. The husband tries to save them from mysterious occurrences that are happening.”

A windmill is a structure that converts wind power into rotational energy by means of vanes called sails or blades, specifically to mill grain. Unless that milled grain is used to make evil sandwich bread and/or delicious, artificially-colored breakfast cereals, not seeing the point here.

THE LONG DARK TRAIL / Release pending 2022 (VOD)

“After two impoverished teenage brothers manage to escape their abusive father, they embark on a treacherous and haunted journey in the hope of finding their estranged mother who has joined a sadistic cult, deep in the woods of Northwest Pennsylvania.”

Impoverished. I’ve used that word lots of times when settling up a bar tab, “Sorry — I seem to be a little impoverished this week. Can you cover me until pay day?” Works every time. 

T BLOCKERS / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“When ancient parasites that thrive on hatred rise from beneath a small town, taking the most fearful and susceptible as hosts, a young trans filmmaker struggling to transition in increasingly hostile times for LGBTQ+ people, finds herself the only one who can sense the possessed, and rally the resistance before the horror escapes and spreads.”

Given the repugnant level of hostility for the for LGBTQ+ community these days, the hate-seeking ancient parasites just hit the bottom of the barrel jackpot. 

ATTACHMENT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Maja, a has-been actress in Denmark, falls in love with Leah, a young, Jewish academic visiting from the UK. When Leah suffers a mysterious seizure, Maja fears their whirlwind romance might be cut short and decides to follow Leah back to her home in London. There, Maja meets her new downstairs neighbor: Leah’s mother, Chana. An overbearing, seemingly religious and highly secretive woman, Chana seems resistant to all of Maja’s attempts to win her over. And as Maja notices strange occurrences in the building, she begins to suspect that Chana’s secrets could be much darker than first anticipated.”

It always makes me heart sad when seizures and strange occurrences get in the way of whirlwind romances.

Godzilla Supermodel, Ghost Fashion, Irish Goblins

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Question: Would you pay $585.00 (plus your local municipality tax) for a 17” tall Godzilla statue? Answer: F-word, yeah! Expected to ship in the spring/summer of 2023 (I think that’s next year…I’ll have to do more research), Mondo™ is unveiling the F-word cool Godzilla: Tokyo SOS statue, limited to 600. Before you gasp out loud…FREE SHIPPING! You may gasp out loud now. 

From Mondo’s™ press release: “Based on the amazing Godzilla: Tokyo SOS (2003), this statue captures the brutal battle between Godzilla, Mothra and Kiryu. Godzilla is fully realized with stunning attention to detail including an array of swappable accessories that recreate specific moments from the movie. These include two Mothra larva, three interchangeable lower jaws (open, closed, and eating Mothra leg), two interchangeable heads (one with heat ray attack), and tail tip to which a Mothra larva can attach.” So, like, buy it HERE.

While you contemplate where to display your new art piece (suggestions: family dinner table, hood of your car, Benihana™), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not require two interchangeable heads to watch…

PEREMPUAN BERGAUN MERAH / Out now (VOD)

“Dinda is an introverted student terrorized by a female ghost in a red dress. However, Dinda’s concern for her sister and best friend makes Dinda never give up on solving the mystery she faces, even though her life is threatened. Putra, his friend, always helps Dinda uncover the figure of the woman in the red dress that haunts her.”

A ghost wearing a red dress. Where’d she buy it — Phantom Zone Dress For Less™?

THE FETUS / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“A couple struggle to learn the truth about the origins of their unborn child – a supernatural entity that emerges from the body.”

A supernatural entity usually emerges from at least one part of the body, typically after a Taco Bell™ Beefy 5-Layer Burrito meal.

UNWELCOME / January 27, 2023 (Shudder™)

“Maya and Jamie escape their urban nightmare of London to the tranquility of rural Ireland only to discover malevolent, murderous goblins lurking in the gnarled, ancient wood at the foot of their new garden. Heavily pregnant, Maya is soon targeted by the goblins and the family she befriended after forgetting to make sure the creatures are fed. What extremes will she go to protect her unborn child?”

I thought Irish goblins were called Leprechauns. Whatever. Goblin is easier to spell. I’ll watch this movie while feeding on…Lucky Charms™.

FEAR THE INVISIBLE MAN / Release pending 2023 (Theaters)

“Adeline is a young British woman who provides shelter to an old medical school colleague, a man who has somehow turned himself invisible. As his isolation grows and his sanity frays, he schemes to create a reign of wanton murder and terror across the city – and Adeline’s the only one who knows he even exists.”

Which begs the question — how does the Invisible Man take a selfie?

Horror Snack Pack, High School Ghost, Vampire Schooner

Posted in Asian Horror, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Your choice of horror movie viewing couch snacks are many, from 7-Eleven™ Tomahawk Rib-eye steaks in a rich, squeeze bottle chocolate finishing sauce, to canned Lobster Bisque paired with a nice, dry Steel Reserve™. But how many of those TV dinners are as cool as the new Creepshow™ heavily-salted mouth treats?

FYE™ exclusively carries a line of Creepshow™ snacks to munch and later wipe your fingers on your Old Navy™ pants: White Cheddar Skullcrunch Popcorn ($4.99), Sour Gummy Worms (aka, Nightcrawlers/$4.99) and a blood red Creepshow™ Cherry Energy Drink ($3.99) — to help get the rubbery candy worms past your gag reflex.

While you ponder spending extra on gummy (or “gummi”) worms for having the Creepshow™ logo on it (unbranded version: $1.69 on Amazon™), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not stress test your gag reflex…

KARADA SAGASHI (aka MIDNIGHT SCHOOL) / Out now (VOD)

“A high school student and her friends are trapped in a time loop by a ghost and the only way to escape is to find the corpse of the ghost’s previous victim.”

Time loop detention for anyone unable to guess how this ends. 

SCREAM 6 / March 10, 2023 (Theaters)

“The four survivors of the Ghostface killings leave Woodsboro behind and start a fresh chapter in New York City.”

The fifth sequel that’s as pointless as the original 1996 movie. FYI: In 1989’s Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Voorhees also visited New York — he was in town with a few days to kill. (Okay, I totally took that from 1990’s Predator 2. You probably wouldn’t know that had I not confessed to my crime.) 

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER / Pending release 2023

“Based on a single chapter, the Captain’s Log, from Bram Stoker’s classic 1897 novel Dracula, the story is set aboard the Russian schooner, Demeter, which was chartered to carry private cargo – twenty four unmarked wooden crates — from Carpathia to London.”

Dracula was in one of those coffins, uh, I mean, crates. The rest of the old time-y suitcases contained his spring/summer evening capes, backup underwear and socks, toothpaste/shampoo/shaving gel, raisin snack packs for the long ocean journey, and hometown dirt. This is so Drac can start a garden once he reaches London. He’s got quite the green thumb for growing…blood oranges. Heh.

TABOO / Pending release 2023 (Theaters/VOD)

“Three juvenile criminals, Charity, Charlotte and Michelle, are given one last chance at redemption. They’re sent on a team-building course in a forest with their youth worker, Miss White. While on the course, the group learns they are not alone. The situation goes from bad to worse, and their trip becomes a matter of life and death.”

No other details, so here’s an educated stab at it — their new camp counselor is either Bigfoot or some sort of poisonous moose. Makes sense if you let it.

Horror Meals, Robot Sisters, Apocalypse Aliens

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Master of Literary Horror Stephen King is known for cooking up delicious stories of everything from the supernatural to, like, double supernatural. But now with the release of Castle Rock Kitchen: Wicked Good Recipes from the World of Stephen King [A Cookbook], you can taste with your mouth what you’ve been feeding your eyes.

Written by Theresa Carle-Sanders, a trained cook and recipe writer, the recently released (October 4, 2022), the hardcover cookbook ($31.99/256 pages) goes something like this: “Explore 80 classic and modern recipes inspired by Stephen King’s Maine, featuring dishes from the books set in Castle Rock, Derry, and other fictional towns — with a foreword from the legendary author himself.”

Castle Rock Kitchen is an immersive culinary experience from the mouthwatering to the macabre, with gorgeous, moody photographs to transport Stephen King fans to kitchen tables, diners, and picnic blankets across Maine. Recipes ranging from drinks to dessert (and every course in-between) are inspired by meals and gatherings from the more than forty novels and stories set in King’s Castle Rock multiverse — a darker, more Gothic version of the Maine most are familiar with.”

While I prefer a steaming bowl of “Life-Sentence Oatmeal” (guess which King story that’s in reference to), here are a few more of the book’s recipes to chew on…

• Breakfast: Pancakes with the Toziers (It), Dog Days French Toast (Cujo)

• Dinner: One-Handed Frittata (Under the Dome), Killer Mac and Cheese (“Gramma”)

• Supper: Blue Plate Special (11/22/63), Whopper Spareribs (The Tommyknockers)

• Fish and Seafood: Crab Canapés (Pet Sematary), Moose-Lickit Fish & Chips (The Colorado Kid)

• Vegetarian: Wild Mushroom Hand Pies (Bag of Bones), Holy Frijole Enchiladas (Elevation)

• Baking and Sweets: Hermits for the Road (The Long Walk), Blueberry Cheesecake Pie (“The Body”)

• Drinks and Cocktails: Homemade Root Beer (Carrie), Deadly Moonquake (“Drunken Fireworks”)

Before you strap on the feedbag, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as flavor-fortified as Dog Days French Toast or Moose-Lickit Fish & Chips (with ketchup for dipping)…

THE PERIPHERAL / October 21, 2022 (Amazon Prime Video™ Series)

Flynne Fisher lives in the rural American South, working at the local 3D printing shop while earning much-needed extra money playing VR games for rich people. One night she dons a headset and finds herself in futuristic London — a sleek and mysterious world, alluringly different from her own hardscrabble existence. But this isn’t like any game she’s ever played before: Flynne begins to realize it isn’t virtual reality…it’s real. Someone in London, 70 years in the future, has found a way to open a door to Flynne’s world. And as utterly beguiling as London is, it’s also dangerous. As Flynne searches to discover who connected their worlds, and for what purpose, her presence sets dangerous forces into motion…forces intent on destroying Flynne and her family in her own world. The Peripheral is a dazzling, hallucinatory glimpse into the fate of mankind — and what lies beyond.”

Both The Peripheral and the Tug Tavern share similar traits — each is a dazzling, hallucinatory glimpse into the fate of mankind. While The Peripheral might have time traveling future people, the Tug is populated by pension drunks (aka, “Time Stands Still’ers”) getting their Happy Hour hallucination on and who don’t wash their hands in the here and now. 

FEED / October 28, 2022 (VOD)

“Influencers soon try to ride the wave of ‘ghost tourism’ to market various tourist destinations for clients. The goal is to make potential tourists believe an old witch, Märit, lives in the lake around a commercial camping site – but there’s soon reason to believe that Märit is more than just a made-up ghost story.”

A ghost witch who lives in a lake. Makes sense as witches are historically proven to be buoyant, and by extension, probably very good water skiers.

MEGAN / January 13, 2023 (Theaters)

A brilliant roboticist at a toy company uses artificial intelligence to develop M3GAN, a life-like doll programmed to be a child’s greatest companion and a parent’s greatest ally. After unexpectedly gaining custody of her orphaned niece, Gemma enlists the help of the M3GAN prototype — a decision that has unimaginable consequences.”

A full-size robot sister. My sister isn’t a robot, though steam comes out of her ears whenever I’m around. Maybe she needs more system coolant. 

DAUGHTER / Pending release 2023

“Held against her will inside an isolated house deep in the woods, a young woman has no choice but to challenge the interpersonal dynamics and self-imposed rules of her captors, a three-person nuclear family that believes the air outside is toxic and that the apocalypse has arrived.”

Very similar to the plot of 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016). Both have alleged stinkified air and hardcore life rules, but Cloverfield has apocalyptic aliens. They should add a few apocalyptic aliens to Daughter. You know, for story continuity.

Saw, Sawtooth, Saw An Alien

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

So this is ass kickingly cool — an escape room themed around Saw (2004), which is pretty much the ultimate of escape rooms. SAW: The Experience is now open in London (dang it), and you can get tickets for £39.00 (or $37.99 in US folding coupons). Hopefully, you won’t have to hacksaw your piggy bank to fund this fun. (You got the reference, yes?)

Behold — the sales pitch: “You thought it was over, but the games have just begun. This multi-room, theatrical experience is combined with escape room style challenges. Those who dare to play the game will be split into teams of up to six people who will work together to complete challenges and explore multiple rooms to test themselves and others. The experience lasts a full 90 minutes, plus there is a themed bar at the end of it all called The Traproom. So it could easily be a full night of fun with Jigsaw.”

The Traproom is a themed bar experience based on Jigsaw’s workshop, and features a collection of some of his most legendary traps throughout the films franchise. Players will be able to unwind from the horrors they have endured with a selection of drinks created specifically for the experience.”

They had me at “a selection of drinks.” So while you plan your kayak trip to London, mate (I think that’s in England somewhere — I’ll have to look it up), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need editing with a hacksaw…

MASKING THRESHOLD / Out now

“Frustrated by a constant ringing in his ears, a paranoid data analyst documents his obsessive attempts to cure his own debilitating tinnitus through a series of home experiments conducted in a make-shift lab. But as his research becomes increasingly dark and macabre, a horrifying secret behind his maddening condition is revealed with a potential cure more sinister than he could have ever imagined.”

Listening to heavy metal really loud caused his tinnitus. The sinister cure is listening to smooth jazz. Really loud.

RUN SWEETHEART RUN / October 28, 2022 (Amazon Prime™)

“Initially apprehensive when her boss insists she meet with one of his most important clients, single mom Cherie is relieved and excited when she meets charismatic Ethan. The influential businessman defies expectations and sweeps Cherie off her feet. But at the end of the night, when the two are alone together, he reveals his true, violent nature. Battered and terrified, she flees for her life, beginning a relentless game of cat-and-mouse with a bloodthirsty assailant hell-bent on her utter destruction. In this edge-of-your-seat dark thriller, Cherie finds herself in the cross-hairs of a conspiracy stranger and more evil than she could have ever imagined.”

This would work better as a video game.

I’M TOTALLY FINE / November 4, 2022 (VOD)

“Vanessa embarks on a solo trip to clear her head after the death of her best friend Jennifer. But her self-care vacation takes a detour when she finds the recently departed Jennifer standing in her kitchen, claiming to be an extraterrestrial. Together they spend the next 48 hours partying and reminiscing on better days in a comedy that’s out of this world.”

Normally, I wouldn’t go near a teen “sci-fi” comedy, but I have been known to party with extraterrestrials on occasion. In fact, I’m doing it right now.

DARK HARVEST / Pending release 2022/2023

“Every fall in a small Midwestern town, a supernatural specter named Sawtooth Jack arises from the cornfields and approaches the town’s church, where violent gangs of young boys hungrily await their chance to confront the legendary nightmare in an annual harvest rite of life and death. Richie Shepard lives in the shadow of his big brother who won last year’s ‘October Prize’ to get his ticket out of town. To prove himself and join his brother, Richie pairs up with restless dreamer Kelly Haines, who will do whatever it takes to escape this dead-end town. Against the rules and the odds, Richie and Kelly decide to hunt down the legendary nightmare to win the Run and their freedom, together.”

Sounds like a Halloween version of The Hunger Games (2012). FYI — There was a Dark Harvest movie that came out in 2004. That one had teens being harvested by a killer scarecrow. It was the…last straw…for all of them. Heh.

Kaiju Banners, Plagued Writers, Violent Violinist

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Continuing to geek out on the onslaught of Godzilla: King of the Monsters marketing, this time a series of banner posters, giving us an up close and personal look at the kaiju battle royale heading our way on May 31, 2019. Note: Rodan looks like my neighbor’s crack-addicted parrot.

In case you need a distraction from all this dizzying giant monster promo, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as entertaining as a crack-addicted parrot…

Alone

ALONE (2019)
“A writer seeking peace and solitude in the countryside in an attempt to recover from tragedy and finish her book. However, as the welcoming country house turns into a living hell, she soon realizes that her inner demons are not the worst of her problems.”

So is she being plagued by ghosts? Werewolves? Bigfoot? Raccoons? Oh, I know — an overused plot device!

The Sonata

THE SONATA (2019)
“Set in London and France, The Sonata centers on young virtuoso violinist. After the death of her estranged but famous composer father, Rose inherits the old mansion in which he lived. There, she discovers her father’s final work: a mysterious music score marked with strange symbols. With the help of Charles, her agent and manager, she deciphers the symbols and, little by little, starts to unlock secrets concerning her father’s past, setting in motion the mechanisms of a plan imagined on the day she was born.”

Spoiler: the deciphered symbols translate to: “Put the ukulele down, you hippie, and get a real job.”

Rock Horror Lottery, Time-Traveling Sharks,Trained Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alice Cooper Lottery

As first reported by Bloody-Disgusting.com, horror shock rock icon Alice Cooper is now featured on scratch-to-win Lottery™ tickets in his home state of Arizona. (Probably where he gets his stage snakes. I hear you can practically trip over ’em in Arizona.)

Billion Dollar Babies

The measure of success used to be to get your face on a postal stamp. But being on a Lotto scratch card seems a more appropriate way to honor the rock star who had a hit album called Billion Dollar Babies back in 1973 (way to tie-in, Arizona!), and paved the road for others like Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson by pioneering the theater use of said (live) pythons, dead babies (song title and plastic prop), an onstage guillotine execution, a hangman’s noose, a ride on an electric chair, and tons of horror imagery and zombie stuff.

Alice Cooper

The Alice Cooper Lotto tickets went live in Arizona on August 7, 2018 and will continue to be purchasable through Halloween, 2018. From the press release: “There are six top prizes of $50,000 each, with second-chance prizes that range from Alice Cooper memorabilia to VIP tickets and pre-show party access to the legendary rocker’s annual Christmas Pudding concert.” (Note: The album came with a “billion dollar” bill in the packaging. Been trying to spend it every since. Guess I’ll have to buy more than one microwaved hot dog as it appears 7-Eleven™ just doesn’t appear to have enough correct change.)

Billion Dollar Babies

While we all wait for our turn to have our printed faces scratched off with the edge of a quarter (a penny works, too), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that you may or may not want to scratch off your viewing list…

The Last Sharknado: It's About Time

THE LAST SHARKNADO: IT’S ABOUT TIME (August 19, 2018/SyFy™ Channel)
In the sixth and final installment of the series, Fin will travel back in time in a Sharknado-turned-time-machine to resurrect his family by stopping the first sharknado that started it all. In his quest, Fin will fight dinosaurs, knights, cowboys, and, of course, sharks. This time, it’s not a question of how to stop the sharknados — it’s when!”

Gotta give ‘em props for the movie title, as it perfectly sums up the thankful END of one of the most overplayed (and dumb) horror movie franchises of all time. And this coming from a guy who loves shark movies. Looks like they’re gonna go out with style, what with time-travel, dinosaurs, knights, cowboys (just repeating the press release here) and, of course, sharks that fall from the sky like faulty airplanes. Good for them. Now go away.

Lizzie

LIZZIE (September 14, 2018)
Chloë Sevigny stars as Lizzie Borden, the notorious woman at the heart of one of the most enduring mysteries in American history. After a lifetime of loneliness, Lizzie finds a kindred spirit in housemaid Bridget Sullivan (Kristen Stewart) and their secret intimacy sparks an unthinkable act. The movie explores the days leading up to the savage crimes in a dark tale of repression, exploitation and thwarted dreams.”

Lizzie

Back in the good ‘ol days of 1892, Lizzie Borden, the spinster daughter of Andrew Jackson Borden and Sarah Anthony Borden (what are the odds they both have the same last name?), was infamously charged with axe-to-the-head-multiple-times on said husband and wife double murder. Lizzie was arrested as a prime suspect, but later deemed innocent by the court and let go, presumably to open an axe store (poor timing, but good prices from what I hear).

Lizzie Borden

This grisly, unsolved murder led to more than a few movie treatments and remakes over the years. But Lizzie — a women’s spin on the subject — brings a whole new perspective, implying that Lizzie had a girlfriend and they both plotted — and executed (sorry) — the de-parenting. For another interesting look at Lizzie Borden, the Jason Voorhees of the late 1800s, check out Lizzie Borden Took An Axe (2014) with Christina Ricci as the chilling and non-emotional portrayal of the world’s first hacker. Personally, I though it was the mailman who performed the crime, based on absolutely no proof whatsoever. I just trust my gut stuff.

Redcon-1

REDCON-1 (September 28, 2018/UK)
“After a zombie apocalypse spreads from a London prison, the UK is brought to its knees. The spread of the virus is temporarily contained but, without a cure, it’s only a matter of time before it breaks its boundaries and the biggest problem of all…any zombies with combat skills are now enhanced. With the South East of England quarantined from the rest of the world using fortified borders, intelligence finds that the scientist responsible for the outbreak is alive and well in London. With his recovery being the only hope of a cure, a squad of eight Special Forces soldiers is sent on a suicide mission to the city, now ruled by the undead, with a single task: get him out alive within 72 hours by any means necessary. What emerges is an unlikely pairing on a course to save humanity against ever-rising odds.”

So the dead come back to life with all their previous life skills. I guess when it’s my turn to go to the great couch in the sky, I’ll come back LOADED (heh) with years of accrued beer drinking abilities. The world as you know it won’t stand a chance. Sucks to be everybody but me.

Slaughterhouse Rulez

SLAUGHTERHOUSE RULEZ (October 31, 2018/UK | 2018/2019 US)
Slaughterhouse is an elite boarding school where boys and girls are groomed for power and greatness and they’re about to meet their match. Don Wallace, is a wide-eyed new boy from a modest background forced to navigate a baffling new world of arcane rules and rituals, presided by sadistic sixth formers. Matters of status are aggressively enforced and conversation with school goddess Clemsie, are strictly forbidden. But this ancient and ordered world is about to be shaken to its foundations — literally — when a controversial frack site on prize school woodland causes seismic tremors, a mysterious sinkhole and an unspeakable horror is unleashed. Soon a new pecking order will be established as pupils, teachers and the school matron become locked in a bloody battle for survival.”

Holy frack — an unspeakable horror comes out of a resulting sinkhole? I bet the quakes busted the boarding school’s sewer line. P.S. Resist the urge to compare this one with this same-named 2004 short, The Slaughter House Rules. That one was only 13 minutes long and from what I hear, did not feature a busted sewer line spewing liquefied leavings all over everyone’s faces and/or clean shirts. That’d be really icky if they did.

Godzilla BFFs, Mutant Babies, Social Media Evil

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

A couple of new sales posters for the upcoming Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). One doesn’t suck, one sucks, one is kinda okay. The “doesn’t suck” version, of course, depicts Godzilla choke-holdong it up in a no-holds barred street match with the clearly bigger King Ghidorah.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

KH has three heads. Talk about multitasking; he could use one to bite Godzilla in the lunch sac, the second one to surf the Internet for kaiju porn, and the other to binge watch Game of Thrones on Netflix™. I wish I had three heads.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

The first trailer for Godzilla: King of the Monsters is pretty badass, showing Rodan (mega huge Pterodactyl), the butterfly-esque Mothra (spokesbug for Raid™) and King G himself, who towers over the already embiggened Godzilla. 

Before you surf for kaiju porn, check out these upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may not require three brains to understand…

Cynthia

CYNTHIA (August 31, 2018 / Limited); September 18, 2018 (VOD/DVD)
Robin and Michael are college sweethearts who have everything — a perfect marriage, adorable cat, a beautiful home. But one thing is missing from this idyllic setting — a baby. After years of fertility treatments their dreams come true when Robin finds out she is pregnant. Is this a dream come true or a nightmare come to life?

Nightmare come to life. That’s what the doctor told my mom when I was born. Maybe he directed this movie. (This remind anyone of It Lives/1978)?

I Think We're Alone Now

I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW (September 14/2018-Theaters/September 21, 2019-VOD)
“The apocalypse proves a blessing in disguise for one lucky recluse — until a second survivor arrives with the threat of companionship.”

Leave it to someone to always impose on your personal time. There goes leaving the bathroom door open during personal moments. The apocalypse sucks.

Apostle

APOSTLE (October 12, 2018)
London, 1905. Prodigal son Thomas Richardson has returned home, only to learn that his sister is being held for ransom by a religious cult. Determined to get her back at any cost, Thomas travels to the idyllic island where the cult lives under the leadership of the charismatic Prophet Malcolm. As Thomas infiltrates the island’s community, he learns that the corruption of mainland society that they claim to reject has infested the cult’s ranks nonetheless — and uncovers a secret far more evil than he could have imagined.”

What some people call religious cults, I call ‘em the barfly regulars up at the Tug Tavern. They seem to be worshiping the bartender every time I walk in there. Heck, you could call me a cult member with a bar tab. All praise a full glass and a Lyft™ ride home.

E-Demon

E-DEMON (2018)
“On a mission to bring the Devil to Earth, an escaped demon manipulates a group of friends hanging out on a video-chat. Since this ruthless demon can possess multiple people at once, knowing who to trust is the key to survival.”

More tech-savvy stink demons. Suppose you could call them malevolent malware. And you can call E-Demons YET ANOTHER teen sci-fi social media movie. Hit the delete button.

A London Werewolf in London

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 21, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Wolfman

“Lawrence, you’ve been a very bad boy…” 

The understatement of the century. And it accurately frames the 2010 re-boot of Universal’s least-groomed monster, The Wolfman.

The Wolfman

After tearing up the 1891 countryside and all of its inhabitants like sale-priced steak tartar, Lawrence Talbot, actor and marauding werewolf, should probably be sent to his room. Or the dungeon, at the very least. And the drag of it is, it’s not Larry’s fault. He was only in town to attend his brother’s funeral and to find out who — or what — killed him. The Wolfman

The locals think he was dispatched by the dancing bear the gypsies keep tied up at their camp out in the werewolf-infested woods. (In all fairness, the clues do point to a criminal bear, dance floor skills notwithstanding.) During a full moon raid on the camp, the police are overwhelmed by something whizzing by and opening the Christmas presents that are human torsos, limbs, and heads. Larry pursues, only to be mortally wounded by the beast. Whew — the bear finally has a corroborated alibi!

The Wolfman

Larry’s healing powers are remarkable. Sir John, his dad, encourages Larry to let the “inner beast run wild.” (In those days, that meant eating people, not zooming around without underwear.) After a particularly robust night out on the moors removing heads, arms, and those icky wiggly organs, the cops show up the next day and arrest Larry, taking him to Lamberth Mental Care Health Facility (“asylum” for short), where he was once interred as a kid for treatment for social problems after seeing his mother die before his eyes. Yes, this is a clue to his current status.

The Wolfman

Larry the Wolf gets loose in London and has a few hours to kill before calling it a night. He doesn’t waste time wasting people; you’d think there was a raw meat parade in town by the way he chews up the sights.

The Wolfman

Gwen Conliffe, Larry’s dead brother’s fiancé, becomes hip to the chili con carnage and thinks she can help Larry. Don’t girls know anything? Love isn’t the answer  — heavy artillery is.

The Wolfman

The final sequence is a real tail-puller, with Larry coming to grips with his disease and getting into one last dogfight before… C’mon, you knew how this was gonna end. Or did you? They wisely left the pet door open for a sequel that sadly never happened. Otherwise, a good time was had by all. Up to, and including the dancing bear. 

Artful Sharks, Southern Fried Zombies, Rioting Girls

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Meg

Been marveling (again) over the non-official sales art for the upcoming big budget giant shark movie, Meg. Designed by artist David Graham, it’s so cool, the movie studio should just buy it from him and use that to sell the movie. (Not fake news: I posted this very same art in August of 2017 — and I endorse that statement.)

Jaws

While David’s done several work-ups for Meg (in theaters August 10, 2018), the one featured here looks like it was inspired by another artist’s “movie” art. No party foul — when it comes to giant sharks, we’re all aquatic allies.

Speaking of vintage Jaws movie art (official or not), here’s one you may not have seen on dry/sorta wet land…

Jaws

While you avoid getting in the water come August, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not take a big bite out of your life…

Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies

ATTACK OF THE SOUTHERN FRIED ZOMBIES (March 13, 2018)
“Lonnie, a crop duster pilot, must lead a mismatched group of survivors to escape the deadly zombie horde after an experimental chemical, intended to control the invasive kudzu vine, transforms the citizens of Charleston, MS into zombies.”

Did this come out in February of 2017? That’s what IMDB.com is saying. And yet the trailer on YouTube™ and the date on the movie poster itself is claiming March 13, 2018 as its release date. I’m so confused.

He's Out There

HE’S OUT THERE (2018)
“On vacation at a remote lake house, a mother and her two young daughters must fight for survival after falling into a terrifying and bizarre nightmare conceived by a psychopath.”

YET ANOTHER psychopath conceiving nightmares for non-psychopaths. Not sure which orchestra I fall into.

Riot Girls

RIOT GIRLS (2018)
“Set in a world where adults have mysteriously died and resources are scarce, Riot Girls tells the story of a teenage girl who is called to action when her brother is captured by rivals and set to be executed. Joined by the girl who has always loved her, and the boy who wants to love her, the threesome tear through the crumbling suburbs on a violent road marked by sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice.”

Cool, but isn’t sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice pretty much the same thing anymore?

Darkness Visible

DARKNESS VISIBLE (2018)
“Londoner Ronnie embarks on a journey to India when his mother, Suleka, goes missing and mysteriously ends up in a Kolkata hospital. Before Ronnie can unravel the mystery of what brought his mother back to her homeland, Suleka dies in an apparent cult killing. Further deaths point to a series of past murders that stopped 28 years ago when Suleka left India with her infant son. Until now. As the darkness within Ronnie grows and the murders reach their peak, all roads lead to the feared witch of Kolkata’s insane asylum.”

I’ve been to Kolkata’s insane asylum. They must’ve changed the sign, as it now reads: The Tug Tavern. I did buy one of Kolkata’s T-shirts, though. Their branding looks a heckuva lot like Motorhead’s logo.