Archive for Loch Ness

Loch Ness Monster 2.0

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Beyond Loch Ness

In Beyond Loch Ness (aka, Loch Ness Terror/2008), the famous Scottish lake isn’t the only watering hole that harbors a living plesiosaur. There’s a big one — and a bunch of smaller ones — in Lake Superior. Superiorness, as I call her, is friggin’ huge, prone to mood swings and has a taste for land flesh.

Beyond Loch Ness

A cryptologist (scientist without accreditation) has been tracking this creature from the Loch all the way to the States and comes packing hi-tech weaponry, like a cell-melting gun, a stool-loosening oscillator, a five-foot rifle and cyanide-laced bullets. This goes nicely with his floor-length leather jacket and old-style cowboy hat. Good thing he has a facial scar (thanks to an earlier confrontation with Nessie), or his whole shtick wouldn’t be believable.

Beyond Loch Ness

So how did Nessie get from Scotland to the U.S.? Why, an underground express tunnel, of course. Duh. The good stuff: half-digested human legs hanging out of Superiorness’ mouth like unslurped spaghetti. The bad stuff: the plot. Nessie is petting-friendly; Why they had to make her a carnivorous Walkasaurus is just wrong.

Beyond Loch Ness

The Farmer’s Zombie Daughter

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Maggie

The Terminator himself – Arnold Schwarzenegger – in a cannibalistic zombie movie? The fudge you say. And yet, it’s fudgin’ true, I tell you.

Starring in Maggie (releasing May 8, 2015), a horror movie about a Midwestern farmer whose daughter slowly turns into the aforementioned flesh-eater, Arnold has to figure out how to TERMINATE (heh) the problem.

Maggie

Co-starring is Abigail Breslin as the zomb-teen. You may remember her as Mel Gibson’s five-year-old daughter in the crop circle movie, Signs (2002). Now she’s grown impressively into her shirt if you catch my driftings.

Joely Richardson also stars. She’s the hot red-head who was in Loch Ness in 1996. That had the Loch Ness Monster in it as well as Ted Danson. He’s kind of a monster.

Loch Ness Monster

So I’m wonderin’ how Arnold’s farm daughter came down with zombieitis? One might surmise being bitten by a cow getting revenge after all its brethren society has eaten. Or maybe she touched icky farm stuff, rubbed her eyes, and then came down with hay fever (heh). I’m hoping it’s the cow.

Man, I am all over the road today.