Archive for Lemarchand’s Box

Military UFOs, Teen Witches, Holiday Flesh-Eaters

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rendlesham

UFO fans can rejoice — a TV series is being developed around the famous 1980 Rendlesham Forest Incident, wherein American military personnel, stationed in England, not only encountered a landing UFO, but recorded their observations (on YouTube™) and even walked up and touched the glowing, freaky thing. (Hope they washed their hands, because, you know, space germs.)

Rendlesham

From the press release: “The alleged sightings began on December 26, 1980 when U.S. Air Force security patrols stationed at RAF Woodbridge in Suffolk, England saw lights descending into nearby Rendlesham Forest. When servicemen went to investigate, they found a metallic object with glowing lights in the middle of the forest, and when approached the object moved through the woods, causing farm animals to panic. In daylight the next day, impressions were found in a triangular shape in the forest clearing, and on December 28, deputy base commander Lt. Col. Charles Halt and several other servicemen took radiation readings at the clearing and noticed lights in the distance.”

Rendlesham

“The show will reportedly wave a complex family drama into the real-life events, which will span the 1980s through to 2020, which will mark the 40th anniversary of the Rendlesham incident.”

I’ve seen lots of documentaries about Rendlesham and, despite the commercials, I want to believe. Thus is the power of television. Until the show premiers, which is in the works as we speak, here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi you may or may not want to believe in…

Mercy Christmas

MERCY CHRISTMAS (available now/VOD)
Mercy Christmas follows Michael Briskett as he meets the perfect woman. His ideal Christmas dream comes true when she invites him to her family’s holiday celebration. Michael struggles to survive once he realizes HE will be Christmas dinner.”

A cannibal Christmas movie? Another reason for the season. I’m no gourmet chef (although I do make a mean bowl of stove top popcorn), but what would be an appropriate wine pairing with holiday human flesh? My go-to would be Steel Reserve™ (okay, not really wine, but man, what a kick in the pants). Probably some red chardonnay that’s deep, complex and stays with you long after you’ve tasted it. Kinda like flesh. Hope they’re also serving those neat pop-up dinner rolls. It’s like eating fluffy chemicals, but man, what a kick in the taste buds.

The Devil's Toy Box

THE DEVIL’S TOY BOX (available now/VOD)
Cynthia O’Neil enters a haunted asylum known as the Madison Seminary in search of her father who went missing in the asylum while shooting a reality television show.”

Kinda makes you wonder what the Devil considers toys. Slasher Gumby? Silly Blob Putty? Matrix Monopoly? I’d buy ‘em. Just so we’re transparent here, The Devil’s Toy Box was also one of the names of Hellraiser’s (1987) The Lament Configuration (aka, Lemarchand’s Box), a puzzle box, that when solved/opened, would summon Hell’s most Goth entities to welcome you to their depths. As local urban legends go, The Devil’s Toy Box is also cabin in Louisiana that when occupied, makes people go insane. Probably because of intermittent Internet connection, questionable plumbing and no bars for your Evil Smart Phone.

The Lurker

THE LURKER (2018)
“A group of theatre students, celebrating their final show, begin to slowly disappear one at a time.”

Seriously? This is a horror movie? The students probably snuck off to partake in the weed, or in my case, Steel Reserve™.

The Witch Files

THE WITCH FILES (2018)
“A group of marginalized young women form a powerful coven and find they have the ability to grant their every wish. Though they soon realize the danger of messing with powerful forces beyond their control.”

I liked this better when they called it The Craft (1996). So yeah, high school chick witches. I’ll stick with TV’s Sabrina, The Teenage Witch (1996 — 2003) ‘cause she’s such a cutie.

The Craft / Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Hell In A Box

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lament Configuration

Not getting your daily recommended allowance of pain and suffering? For $450.00 you can have an endless supply of anguish – and be the envy of the neighborhood while you’re at it.

I’m talking, of course, about owning your own limited edition Lament Configuration, that hell-ish Rubik’s Cube™ used to summon the pain/pleasure Cenobites from another dimension in the Hellraiser movies. Thing is, you really had to want to know the ultimate pain/pleasure in order to get the box to open. Apparently, my pain passion isn’t passionate enough as I own a plastic version of the Hell box and it pretty much does nothing. Goodbye $16.00 + tax.

Lament Configuration

But thanks to Clive Barker, the imagineer’r of the iconic Lament Configuration, you can get one fashioned after his own personal cube that’s been in his possession for over 25 years. From the press release: “Painstakingly molded, cast in resin and hand painted to preserve the look and patina of the original prop, each Lament Configuration is assembled in-house, onto a custom-made base and comes numbered with a Certificate of Authenticity.”

Lament Configuration

The authenticity is a big deal for me; If I shell out $450 fun fins and it doesn’t shoot out razor chains to hook my face and summon demons, then I want a remorse configuration clause in the warranty.

Here’s more info: “This item is being be pre-sold until January the 1st 2016, or to a maximum of 87 orders (which ever is reached first). No orders after this date shall be accepted. Nor shall this item be made available again. Shipping: February 2016.”

Hellraiser

Though the Lament Configuration is its Hollywood name, the puzzle portal is actually called Lemarchand’s Box, after its French designer, Philip Lemarchand. And here’s everything you’d ever want to know about going to Hell: “The  box is a mystical/mechanical device that acts as a door — or a key to a door — to another dimension or plane of existence.”

Lament Configuration

“The solution of the puzzle creates a bridge through which beings may travel in either direction across this ‘Schism.’The inhabitants of these other realms may seem demonic to humans. An ongoing debate in the film series is whether the realm accessed by the Lament Configuration is intended to be the Abrahamic version of Hell, or a dimension of endless pain and suffering that is original to the Hellraiser films.”

Wonder if I can get two of ’em?

P.S. Buy me one by clicking HERE