War Inside My Head

Saw the trailer for Pod (2015), a new sci-fi dealie. Interesting, but it doesn’t quite tell you what the movie is about. Luckily I can cheat and cut ‘n paste the synopsis…

“After receiving a troubling voice-mail, estranged siblings Ed and Lyla travel to their isolated family lake house in Maine to hold an intervention on their increasingly paranoid, war veteran brother, Martin. But the situation rapidly spirals out of control when they discover the house completely ransacked and learn that Martin has constructed an elaborate and horrifying conspiracy theory surrounding a sinister entity that he believes he has trapped in the basement.”

And therein lies the possible swerve – they tell us Martin is an “increasingly paranoid, war veteran” who “believes” he has a sinister entity trapped in the basement, probably next to an old lawnmower, some jars of once-edible gunk and an old fridge that doesn’t have any beer in it. This means it could all be in his hurt-y head.

War-induced schizophrenia is quite unfortunate for many and more sinister than any entity. (That is, unless you hang out at the Poggie Tavern in West Seattle during last call. You want entities? They should put ‘em on the menu.) But what if the entity is a for real extraterrestrial? The movie poster certainly hints at an otherworldly creature.

Guess we’ll just have to wait until August 28, 2015 when Pod comes out. In the meantime, I’ll do my time-killing at the Poggie. I just won’t go in their basement.

Demonic Demon v.2

And the sequels keep on sequeling. Sinister 2, arriving in theaters August 12, 2015, continues the evil doings of Buhguul (dumb name, hard to pronounce, hard to spell), the demonic buttwipe who spooked the holy crap out of a true crime writer and his family.

The crime writer was researching a murder and stumbled across some 8mm home movies. Probably thinking “Score – vintage porn!” he rolls tape and sees families being snuffed in a variety of serial killer fashion: drowning, car burning, death by lawnmower. (Someone sure got their weed whacked – heh.)

But it’s the pool drowning scene where the writer gets his first look at Buhguul, who happened to be in the bottom of the pool, watching from a ringside seat. This goons out Mr. Writer. The upshot is all these families were murdered and their children(s) taken away by Buhguul. Well dang – the writer has kids! Connect the dots and go from there.

Sinister was not half bad for a demonic horror movie. The sequel, however, does not continue  with the same cast, but with a whole new set of victims. As such…

“In the aftermath of the shocking events in Sinister (2012), a protective mother and her 9-year-old twin sons find themselves in a rural house marked for death as the evil spirit of Buhguul continues to spread with frightening intensity. ”

Intensity’s a lot better when it’s frightening. So rent and watch/re-watch Sinister, then intensely wait for Sinister 2.

Gnome Alone

Wikipedia™, the all-seeing/all-knowing bible of the internet, describes gnomes as “diminutive spirits in Renaissance magic and alchemy, first introduced by Paracelsus in the 16th Century and are typically said to be small, humanoid creatures that live underground.”

Describes a gal I once dated.

Gnomes have shown up in horror movies for years. But now those little rat people are getting another PR push with Gnome Alone, arriving January 20, 2014 on DVD and VOD. If you can get by the painful title, here’s what to expect: “When a timid college student witnesses a hit-and-run, the dying victim gives her a strange amulet. Suddenly, all those who have offended Zoe in her life begin dying horrible deaths at the hands of a malicious gnome. When Zoe discovers the horrible history behind the amulet, will she be able to harness its magical power before the gnome begins killing those closest to her?”

I bet the gnome kills people closest to Zoe.

For anyone who is interested in this sort of topic outside of TV commercials, notable humanoid creature movies include Gnomes (1980), A Gnome Named Gnorm (1990), Blood Gnome (2004) and Killer Gnome (2008). Not 100% sure on the last one’s release date, but I do remember seeing it and thinking, “What a stupid movie – no one in their right mind should be watching this.”

But when it comes to movies about gnomes, one should look no further than 1967’s The Gnome-Mobile, made by horror king Walt Disney. In that one, an eccentric millionaire and his grandchildren are embroiled in the plights of some forest gnomes who are searching for the rest of their tribe.

I wrote about this one on August 14, 2012 [click here]. While The Gnome-Mobile has impressive special effects and a G-rated storyline, those hoping to see a gnome eaten by a raccoon or get run over by a lawnmower will walk away sadly disappointed. But hey, catchy theme song, so not a total loss.