Archive for Kurt Russell

The Greatest Thing

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Thing

In the sci-fi classic The Thing (1982), a bunch of scientific guys and other bearded associates live in total man-land in a remote Antarctic sub-station. It’s here they conduct experiments on snow and what happens when warm yellow liquid is introduced to the frozen crystals.

The Thing

A Norwegian science team nearby flies overhead in their helicopter and shoots at a fleeing dog. They miss, copter goes boom, snow melts. Investigating, our guys fly over to their ice pad and see the place has been trashed as if the aftermath of an Aqauvit™ hot tub party.

The Thing

They take back video tapes, which may hold clues as to why they weren’t invited to the shindig. The footage — kinda like the Blair Snowbitch Project — reveals the Norwegians found a freakin’ huge UFO buried under the snow and partially excavated it. They also find a frozen body of some sort and haul it back to their science hut to study. But the darn thing is still alive — and it’s in that dog, too.

The Thing

From this point on the invader assimilates itself into a “host,” becoming that person and starts spreading its disease. One science face figures it out and smashes all the radios and helicopters. The others don’t like him for doing that. But he had to — the rate of infection is exponential — and calculated the bad news should the entity make it back to the States.

The ThingWhen the alien does its body swap it has to cook for a while. The in-between stages look like zombie Jell-O™ recipes gone bad: slippery guts, goopy brains, rapidly wiggling tentacles from here to there…

The Thing

The part where everyone is tied up by the ultra cool Snake Plisskin (uh, I mean, Kurt Russell — same dif) and their blood tested to see who’s what they are and aren’t, is one of horror/sci-fi’s all-time best sequences.

The Thing

When a head extricates itself from its host body and sprouts spider legs and shoots tentacles out of its mouth, you’ll be melting a lot of snow. With no way to escape, the team is systematically f’d.

The Thing

The intensity and special effects of this remake (Howard Hawk’s 1951, The Thing From Another World) raised the bar so high, it took years for other movies of this ilk to even start being cool again. And this was in 1982! So in conclusion, if you watch this movie and don’t 100 percent agree with me, you’re WRONG.

Future Fashion, Skin It To Win It, Cartoon Cryptid

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Escape From New York

Here’s one for the WTF Files — Sideshow Collectibles is selling an exact replica of the countdown watch Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) wore in the sci-fi classic, Escape From New York (1981). The Lifeclock One Snake Edition Smartwatch Prop Replica made by Ridgewood Watch Co. certainly paid attention to the details. But presumably the watch isn’t loaded with micro-explosives that will rupture your carotid arteries if you fail some sort of mission.

Snake Plissken

From the press release: “The Lifeclock one features a countdown, 22:59’:59” (Hartford Summit configuration only), standard and military time options, the ability to program up to 8 world clocks, display the date in 1 of 5 formats, stopwatch, 18 display animations and 8 character animations. With the app you can access the smartphone camera shutter release, push notifications of incoming and missed calls, voicemails, SMS & iMessage, app notifications (Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and more to come). The activity monitor tracks steps independent of your smartphone. A customizable daily alarm is also included.”

Escape From New York

That’s a wrist-full. But here’s the real mind-blower — the oversized time piece, which doesn’t go with anything except combat spandex, is $399.00. If you’re so inclined to burn money, order yours by clicking HERE. If not, then here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not rupture your carotid arteries and/or combat spandex…

The Outer Wild

THE OUTER WILD (available now)
“In this post-apocalyptic frontier western, mankind has given way to a new breed of beast, mutated from man. The survivor Laura may be the cure to these mutations but she flees to save herself. Aided by a hunter sent to catch her, she braves the dangerous unnatural wilderness in order to find a fabled refuge of freedom — and only there will she discover the fate of humanity at the end of the world.”

Apparently, this came out in September of the lost year of 2018. I must’ve been doing my laundry and the darn thing went right over my boxed detergent. As for the fabled refuge of freedom, that may be what they call it in the Apocalypse. But in the here and now we call it “7-Eleven™”.

PERFECT SKIN (August 25, 2018/UK | 2019 U.S.)
“This independent British feature film explores tattooing and body modification, and follows Katia, a young Polish woman, and her relationship with a mysterious tattoo artist — taking a dark turn as her fascination with him grows.”

I find the only way to get perfect skin is to use Scrubbing Bubbles™ followed by a moisturizing coat of floor wax. Most brands do the trick. P.S. Don’t do that — you might bump into me and get it all over my KISS t-shirt.

The Intruder

THE INTRUDER (2018/2019)
“A young married couple buy a beautiful Napa Valley home only to find that the man they bought it from refuses to let go of the property…and he slowly terrorizes them.”

The trailer for this one is nut house and goes straight to crazy town. And if you look closely enough, you’ll see nods to The Shining (1980) and Psycho (1960). I proclaim that to be quite cool.

Missing Link

MISSING LINK (April 12, 2019)
Meet Mr. Link: 8 feet tall, 630 lbs, and covered in fur, but don’t let his appearance fool you…he is funny, sweet, and adorably literal, making him the world’s most lovable legend. Tired of living a solitary life in the Pacific Northwest, Mr. Link recruits fearless explorer Sir Lionel Frost to guide him on a journey to find his long-lost relatives in the fabled valley of Shangri-La. Along with adventurer Adelina Fortnight, our fearless trio of explorers encounter more than their fair share of peril as they travel to the far reaches of the world to help their new friend.”

Normally, I wouldn’t beer fever dream of putting up an animated family film for preview, but this one’s about Bigfoot, though they don’t call him that. (Mr. Link? Yeesh.) They also give away his weight. Good thing he’s a dude; if this was a female cryptid, cartoon or not, you’d likely get your face smashed in. A safer way to skirt (sorry) the weight issue is to just say, “Why, no — all that fur doesn’t make you look at all fat.”

Bowling Trophy Worthy Sci-Fi & Horror

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Saturn Awards

Even though The Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films was founded in 1972 to honor, recognize and promote genre films, NOT ONCE have they called me to accept a bowling trophy-esque shelf ornament during their annual Saturn Awards for Excellence in the Field of Horror/Sci-Fi Blogging. I feel this is a form of snob celebrity elitism. (The bag boys at the grocery store pull rank on me as well.)

Saturn Awards

Regardless of their humiliating oversight, the Saturn Awards, taking place June 22, 2016 in Burbank, CA, looks to acknowledge the horror/sci-fi/fantasy/misc. genres with metric tons of movie stars, directors, writers and complimentary shrimp platters with cocktail sauce for dipping. And since they have a million nominating categories, I’ve picked a few to see whose in line for winning a bowling trophy-esque award.

And the nominees (with my predicted winners) are…

BEST FILM SPECIAL/VISUAL EFFECTS
Avengers: Age of Ultron – How in the heck do they make Iron Man fly? Surely he must weigh, like, a metric ton.

Jurassic WorldDinosaurs dishing out dino sores. Awesome, though we’ve seen it three times before.

Mad Max: Fury Road – Best road rage action since your morning commute.

The Martian – Zillow™ is already pricing profiling Mars’ real estate.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens – It had to be mind-blowing because they need to keep milking the money-printing franchise.

Ex Machina – Winner

Ex Machina

Best usually means who had the budget to afford all those pricey eyeball delights. While each one of these should win, I’m going with smaller budgeted Ex-Machina because it shows up close and personal full front/back/top/bare bottom female nudity. So what if it’s a naked chick robot encased in synthetic bubble wrap? If you were stranded on a desert island with one, it wouldn’t be an issue.

BEST HORROR FILM RELEASE
Crimson Peak – Visually stylish ghost story, but the boos needed more booze.

Insidious: Chapter 3 – No.

It Follows – Yes.

Krampus – Kinda.

The Visit – Sorta.

What We Do in the Shadows – Winner

What We Do In The ShadowsMade by the Flight of the Concords comedy troupe, What We Do In the Shadows is the best vampire movie since Let The Right One In (2008) and 30 Days of Night/2007.(My opinion only, based on recommended daily doses of sweet and refreshing adult beverages.)

BEST INDEPENDENT FILM RELEASE
99 Homes – I didn’t see the first 98 homes, so…

Cop Car – I see enough of them as it is.

Experimenter – Didn’t have enough money to experiment with the movie ticket price, so…

Room – Didn’t see it.

Trumbo– Didn’t see it.

Bone Tomahawk – Winner

Bone TomahawkCannibals versus cowboys, hands down Bone Tomahawk starring Kurt Russell should win, if only for the movie’s last 15 minutes alone. Haven’t seen it? I double dog dare you to get through the last 15 minutes without your pants squirming up into your poo portal.

BEST INTERNATIONAL FILM RELEASE
The 100 Year-Old-Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared – Dumb title. Didn’t want to see it.

Goodnight Mommy – Potentially.

Labyrinth of Lies – Didn’t see it.

Legend – Didn’t see it.

Turbo Kid – Seriously?

The Wave – Winner

The WaveBased on an actual event that happened before you were born, The Wave is a Norwegian disaster film about a small community situated on a fjord about to be swallowed by a 250-foot mega tsunami, the result of a mega landslide. The wild wave itself is quite spectacular, but it’s the testicle-tightening lead up and post-wave t*tty-twisting that delivers the groceries.

BEST SCIENCE FICTION FILM RELEASE
Ex Machina – Nudity is not science fiction.

Jurassic World – Is DNA cloning science fiction? I think not.

The Martian – This movie was based on science fact, which negates fiction.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens – It’s not fiction in the minds of Star Wars nerds.

Terminator: Genisys – No.

Mad Max: Fury Road – Winner

Mad Max: Fury RoadMad Max: Fury Road is insanity awesome. It instantly made me want to adorn my car with gasoline-powered sharp things and drive on sidewalks at 100 m.p.h.