Archive for King Kong vs. Godzilla

King Kong, Godzilla, Dinosaur Floaties

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Been following the development of the remake of King Kong vs. Godzilla (the first ppv match-up — aka “The Gorilla in Manila” — went down in 1962.) No pun intended, but there’s a HUGE logistic the filmmakers need to deal with: King Kong was 100 feet tall in Kong: Skull Island (2017), the biggest he’s ever been. However, in 2016’s Shin Godzilla (aka, Godzilla: Resurgence), the king of monsters shook, rattled and rolled skyscrapers at 387 feet. You see where I’m going with this.

So by pitting Kong against Godzilla in 2020 (projected), they’re either going to have to make the monkey four times his current stature, or shrink Godzilla down 287 feet. As science tells us, you don’t/can’t/shouldn’t make Godzilla smaller. (In King Kong vs. Godzilla they were both about the same height: 164 feet tall, give or take a few chimneys.)

A few unsolicited options: #1: Make four Kongs and stack ’em. #2: Have Godzilla stuck halfway down some sort of quicksand pit or really deep hot tub. #3: Monkey foot-shaped platform shoes. I could keep this up all day.

Speaking of glaring discrepancies, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that’ll either make sense or they won’t…

BONEJANGLES (July 18, 2017)
“While transporting the legendary serial killer Bonejangles to an asylum, a group of police officers break down in a town cursed with demonic zombies. The only way they can survive the night and save the town is to release Bonejangles to help them fight the curse, with something much worse.”

Not to be confused with the Bonejangles from 2005’s Corpse Bride (He sang/sings at the Ball and Socket Pub.) Hard, though, to take a serial killer who names himself Bonejangles seriously. Come back to me with something like Knifey McCutter and we’ll talk.


SUSPIRIA (2017/2018)
Susie Bannion, a young American woman, travels to the prestigious Markos Tanz Company in Berlin in 1977, arriving just as one of its members, Patricia, has disappeared under mysterious circumstances. As Susie makes extraordinary progress under the guidance of Madame Blanc, the Company’s revolutionary artistic director, she befriends another dancer, Sara, who shares her suspicions that the Matrons, and the Company itself, may be harboring a dark and menacing secret.”

Yep, YET ANOTHER remake, the first one making its same name back in 1977. It was Italian, so if you plan on watching it, plan on reading it as well. Unless you’re Italian. If so, go nuts.


MAB (2017)
Rosie and her mother, Kris struggle to make ends meet. Their only source of income comes from the daily delivery Rosie makes to the mysterious Mab. But what are these deliveries and what impact will this have on their lives of those around them? A magical realism short that uncovers the sacrifices people make to take control of their lives and the evil that lurks in the darkness of desperation.”

A smattering of research reveals that Mab is one of the moons of Uranus and/or a fairy in Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet. Or it could mean “multi-armed bandit.” (A reference to a criminal octopus, perhaps?) However you cast it, this one’s gonna be a rough sell to Mab Darogan, a figure of Welsh legend.

Jurassic World — Fallen Kingdom

“With all of the wonder, adventure and thrills synonymous with one of the most popular and successful franchises in cinema history, this all-new motion-picture event sees the return of favorite characters and dinosaurs along with new breeds more awe-inspiring and terrifying than ever before.”

The first official poster for the Flintstones of the Future. So yeah, more unleashed dinosaurs. Have to say, I did like the Mosasaurus, that badass swimming pool dinosaur in Jurassic World (2015). The pool rules were simple: you cannonball in and you don’t cannonball out.

Heavy Metal King Kong

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 23, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

King Kong Escapes

That flaming a**hook Dr. Who has an evil plan so complex it couldn’t possibly fail. An unnamed country – as represented by the alluring-yet-undatable Madame Piranha – needs Element X, a radioactive organic material found in the North Pole’s ice hole. With it they can fashion designer nuclear bombs and, by extension, rule the world.

King Kong Escapes

Dr. Who has been contracted by said unnamed country to mine said radioactive mineral. So he builds Mecha-Kong, a 60-foot replica of King Kong, to dig it out. Because MK’s a robot, it’ll be able to withstand the rock’s harmful glowing rays and…oops, Mecha-Kong shorted out and can’t do the minimum-wage job he was hired for.

King Kong Escapes

The plan is changed to hunt down the real King Kong on the south seas island of Mondo and take him to the North Pole after they hypnotize him into working long hours with no employee benefits. This actually works. Kinda.

King Kong Escape

Kong’s hairless-but-real friends – a U.S. submarine commander, his second-in-command and a blonde nurse with a weird voice – race to assist our fuzzy hero as he swims to Japan to have a re-match with Mecha-Kong. (An earlier bout had Mecha-Kong punching Regular Kong in the face with a banana-loosening roadhouse right.) Payback’s a b*tch as Regular Kong pursues Mecha-Kong up the Tokyo Tower and returns the Hawaiian punch sustained earlier.

King Kong Escapes

As fun as King Kong Escapes (1967) movie is, a couple of issues need to be addressed. 1. Mecha-Kong does not slip on the North Pole’s slick permafrost, even though his feet are made of non-grip metal. 2. Regular Kong doesn’t get drunk on jungle juice and make cool faces like he did in King Kong Vs. Godzilla (1962). 3. While under hypnosis Kong understands English commands. (That hairy butt always pretends to “no comprende´” whenever I want him to do stuff.)

King Kong Escapes

Lastly, their movie names are “Kingukongu” and “Mekanikongu.” That does not work for me. What does work for me is watching giant monsters punching each other in the nuts. So, like, mission accomplished.