Archive for Kentucky

Witches, Werewolves, Cross Dressing Halloween

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Giant Freddy Glove

Mark Phillips, who runs prop-making company Nightmares Unlimited, made a four-foot tall/long version of Freddy Krueger’s famous blade-fingered glove, which will be featured at the upcoming ScareFest as part of a special photo-op with Robert Englund (aka, Freddy), running September 29th through October 1st in Lexington, KY. Fewer things in life are as cool.

I’ll tell you what’s not cool, though — proctology exams that feel like the doctor is wearing a four-foot tall/long version of Freddy Krueger’s famous blade-fingered glove.

And speaking of ridiculously uncomfortable experiences, here are a few upcoming horror and movies that may or may not make you feel like you’re being double-parked by a really mean sock puppet…

Witch Hunt

WITCH HUNT (available now)
“A Catholic priest questions his faith after a botched exorcism. An unknown association hires a brother/sister team of Bosnian witch hunters/inquisitors to exterminate the ‘problems’ the town has been experiencing.”

Catholic priests should really look into outsourcing as they don’t have too good a track record for demonic purging. Heck, I’ll do it for slightly less than the going rate. E-mail me for a obligation-free price quote.

The Houses October Built 2

THE HOUSES OCTOBER BUILT 2 (September 22, 2017)
“The new pic picks up the five haunted-house enthusiast friends still trying to recover from the trauma of being kidnapped last Halloween by the Blue Skeleton — a group who takes ‘extreme haunt’ to another level. They decide to face their fears in order to move on and go back out on the road to find more haunted houses, but signs of the Blue Skeleton start appearing again.”

Got bored with the first one (it came out in 2014) and only watched 20 minutes of it. So with the release of the sequel, I’ll get advice from my life coach as to whether or not to go back and watch the remaining 71.

Boo! Two

BOO! TWO — A MADEA HALLOWEEN (October 20, 2017)
Madea, Bam, and Hattie venture to a haunted campground and the group must literally run for their lives when monsters, goblins, and the boogeyman are unleashed.”

Is it just me or does Madea look like a dude dressed up as a woman? While I let that roll around in the gumball machine that is my head, full disclosure: I never saw Boo! (2016), either. Unless it’s Bruce Campbell, I’m not a fan of slapstick horror. (I’m looking in your direction, Fear of the Walking Dead.)

Fang

FANG (in production)
“After participating in a robbery-turned-murder, Chloe and Joe decided to hide out at a distant relative’s house only to find themselves stalked and hunted by creatures and forces unknown.”

The creatures are not unknown as they put ‘em right on the key art — they’re WEREWOLVES! About time, as we’ve been overdue for a good werewolf romp. Until this one gets here, try Howl (2015). In that one a rural bound British commuter train is beset (sorry — word of the day calendar) upon by fuzzy monsters that turn the stalled train’s passengers into buttsteak and kidney pies.

Failed Religion, Human Pet Store, Camping With Bigfoot

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 17, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Incarnate

This never-ending flood of horror movie releases makes me think I should get a GoPro™, strap it to a flexible body part, go out into the world and make my own horror masterpiece. (Okay, poor choice of words as that’s the phrase I use after eating a high-fiber breakfast.)

Yep, I could soon be joining the ranks of Hollywood’s elite and… Nah, too lazy. Would rather eat high-fiber breakfasts and “review” movies in my bathroom. Heh.

That said…

INCARNATE (December 2, 2016)
“Confined to a wheelchair after a horrific accident, Dr. Seth Ember is an “Incarnate” — gifted with the rare ability to delve into the minds of possessed people in order to exorcise their demons from the inside out. When the Vatican enlists him to exorcise a particularly troubled young boy, Ember is shocked to discover inside him the same evil spirit responsible for the death of his wife and child years before. Ember desperately searches for a way to destroy the demon before it kills him and unleashes its terror upon the world.”

Don’t mean to point out the obvious, but are not bartenders “Incarnates” as well? If anyone can delve into the mind of a possessed person and see the demon within, it’s the guy pouring your fifth drink.

Pet

PET (December 2, 2016 / VOD limited / December 27, 2016 / DVD)
“Seth is a lonely man working in an animal shelter. His monotonous routine is broken one day when he bumps into Holly, a girl from school who he soon becomes obsessed with. However, when she rejects his advances, Seth’s obsession reaches a terrifying new level, with Holly hiding secrets of her own.”

Animal shelter? Hiding secrets? Pffft – I bet she’s werewolf. That, or, um, not.

Enclosure

ENCLOSURE (2016/2017)
“A couple’s romantic camping trip is cut short after a group of nearby hunters are brutally killed by a mysterious creature. As the creature turns its focus on the couple, they must fight for their survival while their shelter is destroyed.”

Gotta be Bigfoot. What, you think some high-fiber seeking bear or thug4life raccoon would destroy someone’s shelter? Maybe in the movies. Regardless, of what you think, it boils down to this – if you’re planning a romantic camping trip (i.e., doin’ it in a tent in the woods), Bigfoot will foot block you.

welcomes To Willits

WELCOME TO WILLITS (2017)
“Deep in the Northern California woods, locals struggle to fight off repeated attacks from mysterious invaders. When local farmer Brock is caught up with a wayward group of campers the situation quickly escalates into total carnage. Together with a ragtag crew Brock struggles to maintain his sanity while defending his family from perceived supernatural threats.”

Sounds like a paranormal spin on the famous TRUE STORY of the 1955 Kelly/Hopkinsville encounter in which a Kentucky backwoods farm family with BFFs (five adults, seven children, no booze) were allegedly terrorized for hours by shotgun-proof aliens. (In the end the aliens ate all their faces. Or so I heard.)