Archive for Jersey Devil

Map of Monsters

Posted in Bigfoot, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Monsters in America

Monsters in America is an illustrated visual map of all those stinky cryptids (mythological creatures with otherworldly properties/hair styles) who inspire many of the craptacular horror movies I’ve leveraged my life on.

Monsters in America

First, some factoids by way of a press release: “The Philadelphia-based Hog Island Press print shop has created Monsters in America, a cryptozoological map of the United States that features all sorts of legendary creatures from across the country.”

Monsters in America

“[The map] is possibly the first of its kind – a snapshot of American cryptozoology that brings together the Jersey Devil, Bigfoot, Mothman, Chupacabra, Shunka Warakin, Caddy, the Honey Island Swamp Monster and many more cryptids on one hand-drawn, hand-screened map, which is available to purchase. T-shirt designs based on some of the creatures from their map are also available.”

Man, I could go for some new laundry in the form of a stylish T-shirt suitable for any and every bowling occasion.

UFO

While the map is indeed an breathtaking representation of where each of these neck-eating monsters reside with obviously bootlegged green cards, I’m seeing a GLARING omission: where are the cryptids in Washington, specifically Seattle, where I hang my bowling laundry out to dry? Sure, we have tons of wild-eyed creatures roaming around downtown (we call them “out-of-towners”), but no regional T-shirt worthy “manimals.”

Monsters in America

It vexes me that Washington State doesn’t have its own monster. Heck, we have UFOs flying out of our butts up here, but the only thing close to local cryptids are those icky giant octopuses just waiting off shore for you to wade a little further out on Alki Beach than you normally do. (I claim your beach towel.)

Monsters in America

It’s nice that the California-established Bigfoot occasionally stops by on his Pacific Northwest staycation to visit relatives. But it’s clear Washington/Seattle/Me/I need a residential monster. Until I can organize some sort of candlelight vigil keggar to raise awareness/2nd keg funds, maybe one of you other creature-flush states can loan us one. I’m looking in your direction Ohio, you with your fancy pants Loveland Frogmen and associative merchandising rights.

Oh, yeah – the poster is $30. Get it by clicking the heck outta THIS.

 

Jersey Devil vs Carnival Freaks

Posted in Bigfoot, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Carny

The Jersey Devil, a red-eyed creature with bat wings, a horse face, hooves, and a spiked tale, was caught and sold to a freak show carnival, where the circus ringmaster plans on exploiting the flesh-hungry beast for monetary gains. I feel this is a good business model.

Carny

Meanwhile, the small town Sheriff is warned by the local “fire ’n brimstone” preacher to keep the “Lord’s mistakes” out of their bible-fearing community. That just seems prejudice to me; who could possibly be threatened by a man with two faces or a Leopard Woman with spots all over her body? At least she uses a litter box.

Carny

Assured that the mythical beast is sedated and poses no threat to the community or easily-stained clothing, the show goes on. You are simply not gonna believe what happens next. During the performance, the monster gets loose and goes after some teens in the woods. Yeah, I totally didn’t see it coming, either.

Carny

Like the Jersey Devil, the pastor is out for blood. He rallies all the gun-toting red necks in town for an outdoor BBQ with the freak show cast being the grilled treats. The pastor manages to kill the flying devil, its “dead” body dragged outside where the locals can have their picture taken with it. Wouldn’t be fun if Jersey just laid there, so it comes back to life and goes back to taking lives.

 

Carny

Speaking of, the creature, about the size of a regular devil dog, but with wings and bigger teeth, doesn’t look too digital. This is good, because he has a reputation to live up to. If he doesn’t do his job, then the easily-frightened folks of Pine Barrens will start believing in Bigfoot or some other tourist generating monster. And that’s not good business sense.

Carny

Flying around like a bomber seagull, Jersey buzzes the now-flaming carnival and ends up face to face with the preacher. The outcome? Let’s just say the Holy Man is now a “hole-y” man. Heh. In all, Carny (2009) has more blood than originally forecast, with several decent dismemberments and real-time autopsies as performed by JD.