Archive for Jaws II

Three-Dimensional Shark

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jaws 3-D

A 35-foot Great White shark gets caught in Sea World, an all-people-you-can eat theme park. This is where admission paying citizens come to swim, water-ski and pee now that everyone has lost their, um, appetite for swimming in the ocean. (See Jaws and Jaws II).

Jaws 3-D

Once the rogue chomper has been outed, a big game diver goes in to kill it. The shark swallows him whole and chews on him like seal jerky—and they show this from the inside of the shark’s mouth looking out! You don’t see that every day. (I do because I bought the DVD. Hey, it was only $1.99 at the gas station still in its original wrapper.)

Jaws 3-D

Where Jaws 3-D (1983) further belly-ups is with the appearance of Mama Jaws, a submarine-sized shark that’s looking for her little lost torso-biter. Filmed in 3-D didn’t help matters much and only made the sharks look even more rubber-esque and thus by extension not cool.

Jaws 3-D

The original title for this wet willie was the best thing going for it: “Jaws 3, People 0.”

The Horror of Being Rich

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 17, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Curse of the Living Corpse

The Curse of the Living Corpse is social commentary horror movie made in 1964 about spoiled aristocrats in 1893. Spoiled aristocrats is an oxymoron.

The Curse of the Living Corpse

After their disgustingly rich father dies, the surviving family members go after the inheritance like me at an all-you-can drink buffet. The millionaires’ sons and daughters are the ultimate Republicans: snobbish, greedy, manipulating and scheming.

The Curse of the Living Corpse

But even though he’s dead, dad has the last word. Each relative must perform a task lasting one year, after which they get their money. These tasks are simple and designed as safety measures in case dad needs to come back. (Being buried alive was his greatest fear.) Failing to do the tasks results in each of the ding-dongs being done in by their own worst fears: burning, drowning, having their aristocratic face scarred and disfigured, made to eat Hamburger Helper™…

The Curse of the Living Corpse

The playboy, needing cash to pay off his gambling debts, looks like Clark Gable, but not quite as handsome. Kinda like a used car salesman version of Clark Gable. He makes out with the hottie servant (“You would carelessly deny rank its privilege?”) and schemes to speed up the inheritance process. This results in the servant’s head being cut off and served on a dinner platter. Eeww!

Roy Scheider

Roy Scheider is a full-blown alcoholic playboy and taunts the family members with alcohol-fueled taunts. Soon, each starts dying in the fashion they fear most. (For me it’s being forced to drink Zima™.) The caped figure roaming the mansion and estate grounds suggests dad has come back from the grave and is supremely p*ssed. After 30 minutes you should be able to figure out who’s doing all the burning, cutting, drowning, stabbing. The trick is doing it without falling asleep (guilty as charged).

Candace Hilligoss

This was Roy’s first movie. He did others, but the only one that matters is Jaws (no, not Jaws II/1978 because that one sucked hard). Candace Hilligoss plays a terrified crying wallflower. You may remember her from the 1962 horror creeper, Carnival of Souls. You don’t? Then I just now lost all respect for you.