Archive for Jack-O-Lantern

Halloween Pulp Fiction

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Trick 'r Treat

Filmed in a Tales From the Crypt comic book style, Trick ’r Treat (2009) plays as a dark horror comedy with five overlapping stories (think Pulp Fiction/1994) that demonstrates the consequences of breaking Halloween traditions. 

Trick 'r Treat

The first one is that you don’t blow out the candle on a Jack-O-Lantern until Halloween is over. OK, I’m guilty of that. What can I say, hot pumpkins stink. Secondly, you’re not supposed to take your decorations down until Halloween is over. No problem there — I usually leave mine up through Christmas. Thirdly, always check your candy. I trick-or-treat for booze, so unless it’s non-alcoholic beer the top comes off, followed by my pants. 

Trick 'r Treat

The atmospheric stories all take place on the same Halloween night. “The Principal” revolves around a grade school principal whose homework includes pain, suffering and dismemberment. In that order. “Surprise Party” is a hairy take on the Little Red Riding Hood tale, but this time with hot high school chicks. Let’s just say these girls don’t shave their legs. This story is followed by “The Halloween School Bus Massacre Revisited” and the legend of a school bus driver who drops his mentally-handicapped kids off — in the lake at the bottom of the quarry. (The reason why he did it is actually quite grim — pay attention to this segment. I mean it.)

Trick 'r TreatLocal kids round up eight pumpkins as a tribute of those that perished in the “crash.” It was supposed to be a trick played on one of the kids (a gal hinted at being mentally-challenged), but the tables are turned when the drowned students make their way back to the bus stop. “Meet Sam,” the final — and best — story takes place at Old Man Kreeg’s house where Sam, the embodiment of Halloween (this kid is friggin’ creepy), shows up for his treat. Pet Sematary (1989) and the ankle tendon-slicing scene is given a tip of the hat here, while Sam reinforces Halloween’s lessons.

Trick 'r Treat

If you’re keeping track, all the characters show up in each other’s stories and give clues as to the secret of each. Very clever stuff. No nudity (dang it), lots of screaming (expected), gushes of blood (spills like a slashed trick-or-treat candy bag), and the smashing of pumpkins. Trick ’r Treat, seasonally appropriate and highly educational, could very well become A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) for this and every Halloween. God bless us all.

It’s The Great White Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 10, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark-O-Lantern

YET ANOTHER horror shark movie, tailor made for Halloween. Cleverly titled, Shark-O-Lantern (2013) has our Dentist the Menace ocean friend swimming around a pumpkin patch, scaring the candy corn out of anyone who dares wade through the field of pumpkins where it lurks. Trick or treat thus becomes trick or eat. (Heh.)

So a shark swimming in farm dirt isn’t very believable? It’s been done convincingly before with Sand Sharks (2011), a gripping pant-filler that had prehistoric-esque sharks that looked like they were wearing alligator sweaters using actual beach dirt to get around in. (Hollywood dirt looks too fake.)

Shark-O-Lantern takes place in the Midwest, far from any ocean or “sea” where you’d normally find sharks playfully frolicking. An Ohio farmer, whose abundant pumpkin patch is legendary and attracts families and kids from miles around to get Halloween pumpkins, switched to using fish fertilizer to grow bigger pumpkins. Besides smelling like a YWCA locker room on cardio night, this magic fertilizer is way cheaper than that overpriced Miracle-Gro™ crap.

Meanwhile, the sun is experiencing a massive coronal discharge, sending utra-violent rays towards Earth, where it causes space lighting to go off all over the place and renders our TVs useless. A lightning strike in the pumpkin patch supercharges the fertilizer, which was made up of ground up shark carcass and oatmeal filler. The shark meat’s DNA is fused to the pumpkin plants and reanimated by the concentrated electricity. Presto – Shark-O-Lantern!

Blood, guts, screaming, running, cussing, peeing, spilled candy… Everything that makes for good family television – if the darn thing still works after that solar storm nonsense.

You know this one’s fake, too, yes?