Archive for Invasion of the Saucer Men

Aliens & Smooching

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Invasion of the Saucer Men

Invasion of the Saucer Men was released in 1957 and occupied an era where teen dudes dressed in suits and ties, referred to chicks as dames, and counted it as a plus if they made it to first base (smooching with no tongue application) with said skirts. Everybody in those days were black and white as color wouldn’t be invented until the ‘60s. And yet the teens that happened upon the invading saucer men kept insisting to the cops that these “little monsters” were green. Looked grey to me.

Invasion of the Saucer Men

So yeah, aliens land their saucer on Earth at night and proceed to lurk around in the woods that serve as camouflage for first-basing teens. But these aren’t your ordinary extraterrestrials; they’re only a few feet tall,  featuring inside out scrotum heads and probably stink like Uranus. (I never get tired of that joke device.) But their best feature is gnarly hands that have dripping needles protruding out of the fingertips. And that dripping liquid is…ALCOHOL! The good stuff, too, not the Two-Buck-Chuck stuff you/I get at the mini-mart.

Invasion of the Saucer Men

First customer/victim is none other than the Riddler (aka, Frank Gorshin) who plays one of two drifters, and packs a bottle of the good stuff wherever he goes. And when he ends up drunkenly encountering the aliens and they inject him with even more booze, well hey – let’s get this party started! Unfortunately, it was a clear case of over-serving as he died from acute alcohol poisoning.

Invasion of the Saucer Men

Meanwhile, the military shows up and surrounds the flying saucer, and with a bullhorn, demanding they present themselves: “Come out! Can you hear me, spaceship?” (I don’t know why, but that cracked me up.) No response, so they shoot it with explosive-grade ammo. Nothing. Then they try using an acetylene torch – and end up causing the ship to explode. Shrugging their shoulders, the military gets in their jeeps and drive back to the base.

Invasion of the Saucer Men

But it’s the horny teens who save the day. Discovering that the aliens melt and explode when exposed to light, they rally all the cars at the make-out zone in the woods to surround the creatures and simultaneously turn on their headlights. Ka-BOOM! Invasion denied. Then they go back to power smooching. It’s as if getting to first – and possibly second base — was more important to them than halting an alien invasion. And they’re right.

How To Make A Monster

Posted in Classic Horror, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

How To Make A MonsterIf you ever wanted to know how to make a monster without alcohol, then How To Make A Monster, released in 1958, is your ticket. Warning: Like sweet refreshing booze, this might mess with your mind: a monster movie about making monster movies. I know, right? I’m being forced to question my own existence over that one.

How To Make A Monster

In this semi-horror classic, Pete Dumond, chief make-up artist for American International Studios, has been creating monsters for the big scream for 25 years. That is, until stupid NBC came in and bought the place, putting two East Coast a-holes in charge. Here’s the b*tch of it all – they want to make comedies and musicals instead of monsters. How dare the both of them?

How To Make A Monster

This puts Dumond and his makeup kit out on the street. Good – that gives him plenty of time to implement a rather ingenious revenge agenda: to get the exact monsters he’s created to do his murderous bidding. Brilliant, I say out loud.

How To Make A MonsterDumond mixes some brain anesthetizing gunk into the makeup he applies to his two teenage movie stars, Larry Drake and Tony Mantell, who play a teenage werewolf and a teenage Frankenstein. Once numb and number, Dumond hypnotizes the boys into doing dirty deeds, like killing off the East Coast a-holes. Did I not say brilliant out loud in the previous paragraph?

How To Make A Monster

But why stop at two a-holes when the movie studio is full of ’em? Eventually the bloody, clue-ridden trail leads police back to Dumond’s place, which he’s fashioned into a museum of monster mask props that he calls his “children.” Okay, a little wackadoo, but his skills are not to be openly mocked.

How To Make A Monster

Before the cops can get there to double arrest him, Dumond, who lured his unsuspecting creature teen killers there, is about to make his final curtain call when the curtains – and Dumond himself – catch on fire, thanks to a handy lit candelabra meant for design and ambiance purposes.

I WAs A Teenage Werewolf / I WAs A Teenage Frankenstein

How To Make A Monster uses the same monster makeup that was used in I Was A Teenage Werewolf and I Was A Teenage Frankenstein, both released in 1957. Cooler still are the actual movie masks on Dumond’s wall of flame: It Conquered the World (1956), Invasion of the Saucer Men (1956), The She-Creature (1956) and Attack of the Puppet People (1958).

Is it too much to say brilliant out loud one more time? I think not.