Archive for IMDB.com

Artful Sharks, Southern Fried Zombies, Rioting Girls

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Meg

Been marveling (again) over the non-official sales art for the upcoming big budget giant shark movie, Meg. Designed by artist David Graham, it’s so cool, the movie studio should just buy it from him and use that to sell the movie. (Not fake news: I posted this very same art in August of 2017 — and I endorse that statement.)

Jaws

While David’s done several work-ups for Meg (in theaters August 10, 2018), the one featured here looks like it was inspired by another artist’s “movie” art. No party foul — when it comes to giant sharks, we’re all aquatic allies.

Speaking of vintage Jaws movie art (official or not), here’s one you may not have seen on dry/sorta wet land…

Jaws

While you avoid getting in the water come August, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not take a big bite out of your life…

Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies

ATTACK OF THE SOUTHERN FRIED ZOMBIES (March 13, 2018)
“Lonnie, a crop duster pilot, must lead a mismatched group of survivors to escape the deadly zombie horde after an experimental chemical, intended to control the invasive kudzu vine, transforms the citizens of Charleston, MS into zombies.”

Did this come out in February of 2017? That’s what IMDB.com is saying. And yet the trailer on YouTube™ and the date on the movie poster itself is claiming March 13, 2018 as its release date. I’m so confused.

He's Out There

HE’S OUT THERE (2018)
“On vacation at a remote lake house, a mother and her two young daughters must fight for survival after falling into a terrifying and bizarre nightmare conceived by a psychopath.”

YET ANOTHER psychopath conceiving nightmares for non-psychopaths. Not sure which orchestra I fall into.

Riot Girls

RIOT GIRLS (2018)
“Set in a world where adults have mysteriously died and resources are scarce, Riot Girls tells the story of a teenage girl who is called to action when her brother is captured by rivals and set to be executed. Joined by the girl who has always loved her, and the boy who wants to love her, the threesome tear through the crumbling suburbs on a violent road marked by sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice.”

Cool, but isn’t sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice pretty much the same thing anymore?

Darkness Visible

DARKNESS VISIBLE (2018)
“Londoner Ronnie embarks on a journey to India when his mother, Suleka, goes missing and mysteriously ends up in a Kolkata hospital. Before Ronnie can unravel the mystery of what brought his mother back to her homeland, Suleka dies in an apparent cult killing. Further deaths point to a series of past murders that stopped 28 years ago when Suleka left India with her infant son. Until now. As the darkness within Ronnie grows and the murders reach their peak, all roads lead to the feared witch of Kolkata’s insane asylum.”

I’ve been to Kolkata’s insane asylum. They must’ve changed the sign, as it now reads: The Tug Tavern. I did buy one of Kolkata’s T-shirts, though. Their branding looks a heckuva lot like Motorhead’s logo.

African Loch Ness Monster

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 12, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Dinosaur Project

A helicopter carrying a famed British cryptozoologist explorer with a cool adventure hat, a guide, a hot chick, a two-man film crew, and the guy’s 15 year-old stowaway son are taken out by prehistoric flying reptiles, one of which gets a taste of modern technology by the chopper blades. They were on their way over Africa to research — and film — dinosaurs, specificially Mokele mnembe (river monster), reported to be thriving deep in the unexplored jungle where no 7-Eleven™ dare sets up shop.

The Dinosaur Project

Those not killed in the crash get eaten by the bat-like birds, one of which is the hottie female assistant. I think she had three lines before her chewy death. Enough for an IMBD.com credit, I suppose.

The Dinosaur Project

With all communications equipment crunched, the survivors plod through the jungle and down a river in search of a 7-Eleven™ and safety. Good plan — too bad it doesn’t work. Mokele mnembe shows up to flip the boats and have some land sushi. “It’s the African version of the Loch Ness monster, but more plausible” declares the explorer, whose hat never comes off, even when battling river monsters.

The Dinosaur Project

This is all filmed with a bunch of GoPro™ cameras that the 15 year-old kid brings. (He has seven, none of which runs out of juice and always seems to stay in focus.) He manages to strap one on to a small raptor to see where it goes. (He feed it candy to gain its trust. That trick always works with me as well.)

The Dinosaur Project

The small group of leapin’ lizards are remotely viewed on an iPad™ going into a grotto and into the secret valley where all the dinosaurs do their business. Unfortunately, the explorer’s “right hand man,” who never gets any of the TV glory, goes rogue and tries to kill the boy, pushing him down the dino-hole. Fortunately, the GoPros™ are still going pro.

The Dinosaur Project

The Dinosaur Project (2012) is actually not as dumb as you’d imagine. A mash-up of The Land That Time Forgot (1975), The People That Time Forgot (1977), Journey to the Center of the Earth, (2008), Land of the Lost (2009) and Jurassic Park (1993), the monsters look fairly convincing, the “found footage” is found and tells the whole story about the dinoaurs and the hat always stays on the head. Although it probably came off after going over that cliff. Oh, snap — did I just spoil the party?

The Dinosaur Project

P.S. Full Discolsure — I previewed this one back on October 14 of 2011. My neighbor was being a dick that day that day. But as the film had as yet to be released, the promo pics showed dino-monsters that never made it to the final cut. So I’m legally off the hook for that misrepresentation. And to that I say “whew!”

The Unending Horror of Amityville

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Amityville: The Awakening

It isn’t schedule for release until 2016, but already red flags are going up around the impending Amityville – The Awakening, another coattail rider in the beleaguered Amityville Horror franchise, which started in 1979. (Amityville: The Awakening is the 14th offering in a once-kinda cool but now painfully laughable series.)

And they haven’t decided what to call it. Wikipedia has it listed as Amityville: The Reawakening, but the ad posters simply have it titled as Amityville: The Awakening. The irony here is that the sequel will probably put you to sleep (if the trailer is any indication). Here’s some more knuckleheadedness – Wikipedia™ states that the movie was released on January 2, 2015, yet IMDB.com says it comes out in April of 2016. Somebody needs to re-awake, pick a lane, and drive in it.

Amityville: The Awakening

So here’s how they go to the cursed well one more time: “Belle, her little sister Juliet, and her comatose twin brother James move into a new house with their single mother Joan in order to save money to help pay for her brother’s expensive healthcare.”

“But when strange phenomena begin to occur in the house including the miraculous recovery of her brother and Belle’s increasingly horrifying nightmares, Belle begins to suspect her mother isn’t telling her everything and soon realizes they just moved into the infamous Amityville house.”

Amityville: The Awakening

Weak. Clearly, after 14 movies, they ran out of ways to cash in other than to cram “Amityville” in the title and make leap of believability to place everyone back in the most infamous haunted house in the world. They should call it Amityville: The Re-Sleepening.

Aliens Should Be Free

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aliens vs Titanic

Given how much of my life I’ve devoted to watching horror and sci-fi, you’d think something exquisitely cheesy like Aliens vs. Titanic would automatically move to the top of my viewing list. And I still haven’t seen it. And here’s the shocking reason why: I don’t have cable TV. Yep, most of my movie thrills come from YouTube™, where you don’t have to pay Comcast™ up the whazoo for overpriced and craptacular (ok, I get the irony here) programming.

That said, I first stumbled across Aliens vs. Titanic via a trailer on YouTube™ back in 2012. Made by TomCat Films™ (trying boldly to usurp the craptacular Asylum Films™), I figured it was only a matter of time before someone uploaded it, thereby saving me an embarrassment of riches.

Then time went by and I went on. Then AvT showed up again in 2014 with another trailer. And still no booted copy online. Then IMDB goes and lists AvT as being released in 2015. Still can’t find it anywhere for free. To say this makes my tummy upset is an understatement. Besides boasting a really funny kicker line: “The Unsinkable Meets The Unthinkable,” the movie has a tantalizing plot:

Aliens vs Titanic

“Offering only the finest amenities, the ‘TITAN 1C’ space-cruiser is considered the most luxurious star-liner ever built. Future spring-breakers on board are excited to be touring through space with some of the world’s elite.”

“A sudden meteor storm smashes into the hull, and a deadly biological alien life-form is let loose on the ship. Seeking a suitable host, the retrovirus successfully merges with some the passengers, transforming them into seemingly invincible predators with the ‘touch of death.’ As the ship is destroyed, the surviving passengers crash on a remote planet, and they learn that one of them is infected. They must quickly band together before it has a chance to slaughter them all.”

It’s a crime against my humanity to not be able to see this without paying for it. However, I shan’t give up the fight. So in your face, Comcast™, you monthly price-increasing b-holes.

P.S. I just saw mention online of Jaws vs. Titanic. May the gods shine down upon my head.