Archive for ice

Ice Bugs – Heat ’n Eat

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Deep Freeze

Deep Freeze (2003), also known as Chillers. Also known as Ice Crawlers. Also known as Crapsicle. No matter how many times they change the title, it’s still double lame sci-fi with no original thought given to script, dialogue, acting or special monster effects designed to make you forget all of the above.

Deep Freeze

A group of grad students are flown to the Antarctica (dumb name – there are no ants there) to figure out why the oil-drilling sub-station is experiencing earthquakes.

Deep Freeze

One bright chick student with “Welcome to McDonald’s drive-thru—may I take your order?” written all over her post-college face insists the entire continental plate is being compromised due to one five-foot drill bit. What we know that everyone else doesn’t is that a creature (or creatures) is making the whole place do the big pee shiver.

Deep Freeze

Mix in a frozen plot to blow up the place because they didn’t find any oil. The plan is to blame it on the inexperienced college students so that the corporation funding this train wreck can collect the insurance and bring back an over-sized Trilobite (prehistoric bed bug) to market as the “archaeological find of the Century.” Meanwhile, not one but two Trilobites skitter undetected around the outpost, eating people.

Deep Freeze

By the time this is figured out, most everyone has been chowed upon. Just when you think it can’t get any worse…it does. Up from the depths comes Momma Trilobite, roughly the size of three or four igloos stacked crookedly on top of each other.

Deep Freeze

Mom doesn’t do anything except screech and wiggle her limbs. This buys the token foreign guy just enough time to set the explosive charge and turn everyone into Trilo-bites (heh).

Oh, sure – the bomb shut down the station, but it couldn’t shut off my TV.

What An Ice Hole

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Dark Below

Don’t know why, but movies set in the snow (The Abominable Snowman/1957; The Thing/1982, Dead Snow/2009, are always exciting. And hey, snow is fun! You can draw on it without using a metaphorically big pencil (don’t let the steam sting your eyes); You can make lovely patterns in it using only your butt (“snow lungs”); And you can slide on it like a freshly oiled floor and giggle like a little schoolgirl while doing it, especially if you’re drunk (every winter since I turned 21).

The Dark Below

So it’s with anticipation  I wait for the release of The Dark Below, a new horror thriller (pending 2015) making a big splash at Fantasia. As the press release says, “In this visually stunning, experimental thriller set on Michigan’s wintry frozen Great Lakes, a brutish serial killer imprisons his still-living latest victim in the watery depths. Thus begins a uniquely chilling story of survival and shocking revelation.”

Fangoria magazine goes further and declares, “You haven’t seen anything like it. This accomplished experiment in narrative storytelling tears every convention apart.”

I’m thinkin’ a snowball fight of epic proportions.

The Dark Below

Wishful thinking aside, The Dark Below, starring the legendary Veronica Cartwright, is a “terrifying tale about a divers struggle to stay alive beneath a frozen lake while a killer hunts them from above.”

I bet The Dark Below is a sort of distorted reality wherein the killer is some sort of reverse land Orca hunting humans to eat as they swim and frolic below in the icy water. Relentless pursuit has always been the hungry whale’s first line of culinary strategy.