Archive for hunter

Boar Gore

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Boar

You know how when you’re sitting in a bar having an excessive amount of refreshing adult beverages and talking to the hobo next to you, and the topic inevitably turns to giant razorbacks rampaging around the Australian Outback and eating people? Order another drink because a movie is being made with that same subject matter.

Boar

Boar, releasing in 2016, is the bloody and violent (i.e., heartwarming) story of a monstrous razorback with jagged tusks eating people. Yeah, it’s been done many times before (Razorback/1984, Pig Hunt/2008, Chaw/2009, Prey/2010, Hogzilla/2014), but infrequent enough to warrant another romp and chomp.

Boar

Here’s what will boar us: “In the harsh, yet beautiful Australian outback lives a beast, an animal of staggering size, with a ruthless, driving need for blood and destruction. It cares for none, defends its territory with brutal force, and kills with a raw, animalistic savagery unlike any have seen before. Believed nothing more than a myth, a legend brought to life by a drunken local, the beast ventures closer to civilization, closer to life, and ultimately, closer to death. It’s brutal, it’s bloodthirsty, it’s boar.”

Boar

What makes giant hog horror movies so compelling is the creatures really exist, with some weighing in excess of 1,000 pounds. That’s a lot of breakfast makin’s. Best to stay away from these ferocious beasts and let drunk redneck hunters with machine guns put ’em on the plate for us.

The Joi of Bigfoot

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot

The best bait to lure Bigfoot out into the open? Gorgeous women in bikinis. Shocked that Bigfoot hunters haven’t thought of this before.

This isn’t the plot of Bigfoot, a 1970 sub-budget “horror” movie, but it should be. Rather, it’s just one part of a bigger tapestry that weaves together a horror legend (John Carradine), a supermodel (Joi Lansing), and dynamite-packin’ bikers with semi-combed hair. (What a bunch of disrespectful punks.)

Bigfoot

Parachuting into the forest after her plane quits flying, Joi, with her flotation devices stored safely under her blouse, runs smack into Bigfoot. Elsewhere, a biker guy horizontally makes out with his bikini-clad new girlfriend, only to discover they’re  swapping spit on a Bigfoot burial ground. Guess who shows up to punch out the boyfriend (wicked right hook) and make off with the make-out girl?

The local sheriff doesn’t have time for this hair-covered nonsense, and pretty much doesn’t do much to solve the mystery of the missing women. So Biker Rick (the guy whose bricks were earlier flipped by Bigfoot), turns to hucksters for help. Some help – they plan to capture B-foot to exploit for financial gain. (“People will pay 50 cents to see it!”)

Bigfoot

Meanwhile, the top-heavy abducted gals are tied up (!) by Bigfoot, where they hypothesize about their situation and give away a big clue as to the what lies ahead. (More than one Bigfoot, as it turns out – and they seem to be gooning out over something at the top of the mountain everyone’s partying/making out/peeing on.)

Bigfoot

Finally, after much hippie bongo music, noisy motorcycles tearing up the woods and great one liners (“They’re practically sub-human, but they look like animals…”), the hucksters and Biker Rick (cool name) slog through the forest until they happen upon the abducted gals and the Bigfoot lair (not quite an apartment as it doesn’t even have a kitchenette).

Bigfoot

And it’s here we get the “slap your head in astonishment” big surprise. The thing at the top of the mountain the other Bigfeet are fearful of is… I’ll just say that the hint lies in the Bigfoot creatures themselves, all of whom are female. Run with it. And the end? Has something to do with dynamite – and Joi Lansing running through the woods, barely keeping her mountainous region from popping out of her top.

P.S. Bigfoot fights a bear in this one. I thought they were friends. The bear probably owed him money. Or a honey-dipped pine cone. Man, I could sure go for one of those right now.

Blood and Ass Blasters

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Story

Hard to tear myself away from binge watching The Walking Dead (all five seasons back-to-back for the sixth time) in order to seek out new horror/sci-fi with which to explore, share and make fun of. Alas, a fortunate break in the form of a rather long bathroom intermission afforded me enough time to bring two possible gems to light.

First up is Blood Story (2015), just now out on DVD/VOD, and “centers on the discovery of the legendary Fountain of Youth and the awaking of a centuries old demon that unleashes upon the guests of a nearby villa, subjecting them to unspeakable acts of depravity, perversion and murder.” There is nothing about “unspeakable acts of…” that doesn’t find an application in my own life.

Tremors 5: Bloodlines

As a fan of the Tremors (1990) franchise, I look forward to Tremors 5: Bloodlines (releasing October, 2015), starring original actor Michael Gross returning as the excitable Graboid hunter, Burt Gummer. (Graboids, as you know are Dune-esque sand slugs that can sense people walking on the soft desert dirt, occasionally burrowing up for human candy bar treats.)

Tremors 5: Bloodlines goes like this: “Weapons enthusiast and expert subterranean creature hunter Burt Gummer sides up with Travis as his new tech-savvy right hand man. The pair are joined by an international cast as they mount a battle against the deadly creatures that turn out to be far more than they bargained for.”

Ass Blasters

I hope they give the varying creatures cool names like they did  in the earlier films (Tremors (1990), Tremors 2 – Aftershocks (1996), Tremors 3 – Back to Perfection (2001), Tremors 4 – The Legend Begins (2004) and Tremors Attack Pack (box set, 2005). They were originally called Graboids, but my favorite is Ass Blasters – flying Graboids that use an obvious form of propulsion to take and maintain flight.

Not obvious? Binge watch all the Tremors movies and shoot for a bathroom intermission for enlightenment.