Archive for horror movie

Artificial Werewolves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dark Moon Rising

Always up for a new werewolf movie, but after watching the trailer for the poorly titled Dark Moon Rising (releasing August 4, 2015), I have some reservations. First, the plot…

“A group of shape-shifting werewolves descend upon a small town in search of a girl who is re-born once every 2,000 years. She holds the key to their survival, and all will die who stand in their way.”

Seems reasonable enough. But digital werewolves are not my flea bag. Something about artificial hair and fangs just ain’t cool, man. Even though they self-proclaim Dark Moon Rising as “An American Werewolf in London takes a bite out of Near Dark in this bloody, unique take on The Wolfman legend,” computer generated monsters are suck-o.

Dark Moon Rising

P.S. There was another werewolf movie called Dark Moon Rising that came out in 2009. You’d think the filmmakers of the 2015 version would’ve done a bit of homework. But hey, Hollywood – birthplace of the copy machine.

Dreadtime Stories

The upcoming Dreadtime Stories anthology shows more promise, and even sports a werewolf in one of its 10 (!) stories. I watched the trailer; Now that’s some quality fur and fang action. Here’s an overview…

“A party turns bizarre when a malevolent book makes its way into the hands of the attendees who reveal its tales of monsters, madmen and the supernatural…”

Dreatime Stories

Dreadtime Stories features more than 50 cast members, the bulk of which we can only hope will suffer painful and splattery fates for our entertainment. But we’re gonna have to wait a bit to experience the mayhem as Dreadtime Stories isn’t slated to come out until early 2016.

That sucks. Heck, by then I could be converted into a religious nutcase, renounce all my horror movie ways and quit drinking refreshing adult beverages. Just kidding. Not gonna happen. If it did, that would be the scariest horror story of all time.

Irradiated Sci-Fi

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Cyclops

Fifties sci-fi remains some of the coolest, cheesiest, wildest and excitingest movies ever made. Besides uninvited UFOs and alien b-holes showing up like holiday relatives, a large portion of ’em have to do with the effects of radiation-gone-wild on everything from ants (Them!/ 1954) and spiders (Tarantula/1955), to octopuses (It Came From Beneath The Sea/1955) and lizards (Giant Gila Monster/1959) – and all creatures in-between – including rats, bunnies, grasshoppers, salad tomatoes and people. Heck, just watching these movies gives you radiation poisoning. (OK, not really. But my glowing epidermis sure feels like it sometimes.)

'50s Sci Fi

I love the “mutated creature” stuff – quite a bit, as it turns out. But where radiation really earns its keep is when it turns humans into death metal monsters. Take for instance The Cyclops (1957), The Amazing Colossal Man (1957) and War of the Colossal Beast (1958), all created by B-movie legend Bert I. Gordon.

'50s Sci-Fi

The monster is essentially the same in all three, with the actor Duncan Parkin playing the pitiful reconfigured giant – in two of the three with a mangled face and one presumably good eye. (Maybe the “I” in Bert I. Gordon is a subtle reference. Heh.) Duncan, by the way, is credited as a stagehand in The Beginning of the End (1957), that infamously bad giant grasshopper movie. Maybe he got a dose working on that one.

'50s Sci-Fi

Amid all of them, The Cyclops, with its lava-lamp faced monster and shredded pants (apparently radiation mutates clothes as well), is one of those mega-cheesy guilty pleasures – and the first giant human monster movie. No, Gulliver’s Travels in 1939 doesn’t factor in because his size was regular – the people who f’d with his mind were super small. (Note: There may have been a giant human monster movie before The Cyclops, but I’m too busy combing my hair to do research. Note: v.2: 1952’s Jack and Beanstalk had a giant, but that one was not a monster movie – it was a comedy starring Abbott & Costello, the Laurel & Hardy of their day.)

The Cyclops

A test pilot goes missing. Probably fell down a hole. So they go looking for him in one of Mexico’s deep, hole-filled jungles. Arriving via a small plane that looks about as sturdy as a two-seater kite, they encounter giant birds, lizards, bugs and a 50-foot giant human with a face distorted by radiation, of which there is plentiful in Mexico. This is why to this day people traveling there are warned not to drink the water, what with its f’d up face melting properties and such.

The Cyclops

And what a mutated giant hey is – one eye is completely melted over with dripping skin gelled into place like a flesh curtain. The other eye, bulging to the point of popping, looks like it was too big to begin. Go big or go home, I say. And the all-angle teeth? Probably got that way chewing on small airplanes.

The Cyclops

Of course, the search party has to bring along the missing pilot’s girlfriend so that the monster has something to distract him from the giant snake wrapping around his food chute, ala King Kong (1933). Even with only one kinda sorta maybe good eye left, he seems to recognize her. Get where this is going?

The Cyclops

The craptacular special effects were slightly refined for Duncan’s next two roles as a homeless giant everyone wants to kill because he can get Frisbees™ off the roof without a ladder. Regardless, in order to fully understand yourself, take a look at these sci-fi classics and see if you can’t discover a part of you in them.

OK, that just sounded plain dumbass. Must be the radiation kicking in.

This Werewolf Wears Legal Briefs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wer

Wer is an upcoming movie about a werewolf that doesn’t know how to spell his own name. Heh.

Releasing sometime in 2013/2014 (geez, how long does it take to make a horror movie?), Wer’s actual story line “revolves around a defense attorney determined to clear the name of her client, Talan Gwynek, who is the main suspect in the grisly multiple slaying of a vacationing family. While he appears to be gentle on the surface, his attorney soon learns that Talan is actually a werewolf.”

So they finally managed to get a werewolf into court, no doubt on trumped up charges. Grisly murders are a wolf man’s vocation, people. We’ve known this since Werewolf of London (1935), the first film to feature bipedal anthropomorphic werewolves. (That means the monster had two pedals.) To try a werewolf for doing what he’s cursed to do is a travesty of our justice system.

Wer

Have we not progressed as a society? Next thing you know we’ll be handing out citations to Frankenstein’s Monster for stealing electricity or the Creature from the Black Lagoon for peeing in the pool. What’s next – throwing ghosts in the clink for squatting?

The ACLU is gonna hear about this.