Archive for Holland

Windmill of Doom

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Windmill Massacre

No sooner than I do an entire blog about the resurgence of the word “massacre” in a horror movie title [click HERE for excellence in fake journalism], a new one pops up. Called The Windmill Massacre (releasing 2016), this Dutch made dust-up concerns a chick on the run from the law, Devil-worshipping, and windmills. (Historical fact: windmills were centuries ahead of those fancy-pants wind turbines you see all over the place these days.)

The Windmill Massacre

Anyway, here’s how The Windmill Massacre spins: “Jennifer is an Australian girl on the run from her past who washes up in Amsterdam. In a desperate attempt to stay one step ahead of the authorities, she joins a coach-load of tourists embarking on a tour of Holland’s world famous windmills.”

The Windmill Massacre

“When the bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere, she and the other tourists are forced to seek shelter in a disused shed beside a sinister windmill where, legend has it, a Devil-worshipping miller once ground the bones of locals instead of grain.  As members of the group start to disappear, Jennifer learns that they all have something in common – a shared secret that seems to mark them all for doom.”

The Windmill Massacre

Doom is a tidy word as it doesn’t need explaining. But what does is the Devil-worshipping miller grinding human bones. If its used in place of flour, you can only imagine what kind of taste bone powder gives to doughnuts. And what good are doughnuts that only a cannibal could choke down? Not a very good business model.

Evil Reunion

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Exorcist: The Beginning

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004) is the backstory about Father Merrin, the priest who drove the Hell out of Linda Blair in The Exorcist (1973).

Exorcist: The Beginning

Turns out Merrin is an old buddy of the demon Pazuzu, whom he first encountered in East Africa and then again in Holland during WWII. Even Pazuzu’s stink breath was no match for the war atrocities Merrin witnessed. So the priest/archaeologist heads to Egypt where he thinks he’ll knock back a few cold ones, pet a camel or two, hang out and leave a pyramid in every bathroom.

Exorcist: The Beginning

But the call comes in to return to Africa, this time to scope out an ancient church that was just discovered buried under dirt. (People in that part of the world know nothing about vacuum cleaners. Heathens, I tell you.)

Exorcist: The Beginning

Merrin arrives in Kenya and upon entering the Centuries-old church, notices the place is in pretty good shape despite being buried under elephant crap that long. What the hoohaw, thinks Merrin; this can’t be a church as it was built several millennia before Christianity plagued the world.

Exorcist: The Beginning

But I didn’t come here for a history lesson. I’m here to see evil stuff, which includes babies being born with maggots on ’em, a little boy being torn apart and eaten alive by wild hyenas, another little boy’s head turning all the way around without that snap, crackle and pop sound…

Exorcist: The Beginning

All this leads up to Merrin having a reunion with his ’ol BFF Pazuzu, who looks like a white-faced, stupid Goth wussy. While the demon stuff is icky, it serves no purpose other than to gross you out. I’m OK with gross out, though there’s no impending sense of religious dread causing an immediate need to wash your naughty parts in holy water.

Exorcist: The Beginning

If Pazuzu wants to get back to being truly evil, he needs to quit listening to weenie-ass Goth and start banging his horned head to some righteous heavy metal. And to quit making prequels/pointless sequels.