Archive for hiker

Found Foot-age

Posted in Bigfoot, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot photo

A stunning photo of a hiker was captured on camera by Bigfoot, sending the Internet reeling. Taken in the Olympic National Forest in Washington State just 113 miles west of Seattle, this is the first time anyone has managed to get solid photographic evidence of the woods walker.

“I was down by the river,” says a visibly shaken Bigfoot. “I was taking care of my usual morning business – I eat a LOT of fiber – and heard noise on the trail behind me. I looked up and there he was – a hiker! I pulled out my cellphone and managed to snap a pic.

“It turned and looked right at me,” he continues. “I guess this gooned out both of us as he ran off, and I and jammed outta there pretty fast, too. He had a real off-putting odor – his clothes smelled like Bounce™.’

Bigfoot photo

Bigfoot came back the next morning and was able to get a picture of the hiker’s foot print, offering even more conclusive evidence. “Near as I could tell, he was wearing a size 10 North Face Chilkat Tech Boot,” says Bigfoot.

Despite the startling evidence, the scientific community remains skeptical, claiming that there simply aren’t enough 7-Eleven™ stores close enough by to provide a sustainable food source. But Bigfoot remains adamant. “I know what I saw,” he insists. “For years I heard the stories of hikers being seen all throughout the woods. Now I have proof.”

Bigfoot photo

This Bear Is Grizzly

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Unnatural

Like comfort food for the eyes, there’s nothin’ like a good ‘ol “nature strikes back” horror movie to reinforce why hiking/camping is not good for you, and that sitting on the couch watching hikers/campers being torn apart by our woodland friends is very good for you.

Because of that, can’t wait for Unnatural (2015), a heartwarming story about a massive, genetically altered bear, possibly polar in nature, to light up my couch life.

Unnatural

Part of After Dark’s 8 Films to Die For (hitting theaters October, 2015), Unnatural takes us into snack canyon: “A morally ambiguous corporation experiments with genetic modification resulting in the advent of a bloodthirsty man hunting creature. When it escapes, a group of unsuspecting Alaskan Natives and their inexperienced guests, which includes a high maintenance celebrity photographer and a pair of models, become prey for the abomination in a horrifying game of cat and mouse.”

Into The Grizzly Maze

It may be coincidence, but Unnatural comes in the wake of Into The Grizzly Maze, another rampaging giant bear movie just released in February 2015. Unfortunately, it only got a two-star rating. How can that be? Bears eating humans should automatically get four stars.

The Night of the Grizzly / Prophecy

There have been bear eating humans movies for decades. Two standouts are The Night of the Grizzly (1966) and Prophecy (1979). Both made me stain my britches. Two not standouts are Grizzly Rage (part of RHI Entertainment’s man-eater series, which came out in 2007) and Grizzly Park (2008). Both sucked huckleberries.

Bear

For a superior bear attack horror movie, though, give the simply titled Bear (2011) a spin. That one will make your fur stand on end and possibly cause you to stain your britches. As for me, been there, done that.