S’Carrie

As everybody in the freakin’ world (except that one cable-less town just outside of the Antarctic) knows, Carrie (1976) is a modern horror classic about a bullied wallflower high school girl with blossoming telekinetic powers being set up for the world’s best Candid Camera prank, one that ends in screaming as opposed to laughing.

Carrie, based on a story by Stephen King (whoever he is), has numerous horror icon moments, from the Pig Blood Prom, to the entire graduating class of 1976 getting their degrees (Fahrenheit), to the religious freak mom getting the point of what knives are really good for, and the iconic shock ending scene that’s been copied one million billion times by everyone – except me.

Even though she could snap my spine with her mind, I’d still ask Carrie to the dance, mostly because she looks good in red.

Vampire Vs. The Valley Girl

A teen California Valley Girl discovers she’s a descendant of a long line of vampire killers. While she’d rather go shopping than chopping, an old man/mentor arrives to coach her in the ways of being a Slayer. (Someone who kills the creatures of the night, not a band member of a popular thrash metal group by the same name.)

Just in time – Lothos, the head vampire king with the worst vampire name of all time, just crawled out of the ground and is looking to kill something. And that’s pretty much the entire plot of the comedy horror lite (albeit kinda funny) Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992).

The showdown at the high school prom is quite the knee-slapper, with Buffy using, um, more modern weapons to defeat (face stab) Lothos. (Note to the makers of fine tampons: you need a version that can be easily converted into a cross. You know, for those not-so-fresh vampire killing days.)

Pee Wee Herman himself shows up as a vampire. He’s funnier than all of ’em combined. But you already knew that.