Archive for hemoglobin

A Perfect Vampire

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Perfect Creature

In Perfect Creature (2006), The Brotherhood is a society of vampires that live peacefully among humans, with blood centers set up to donate thirst-quenching hemoglobin in order for the vampires to exist. (They should call ’em Food Banks, because that’s totally what they are.) In the spirit of open trade, the vampire’s duty is to protect the humans. What they can’t do is keep them from dying from an outbreak of snot-dripping influenza with a shortage of clean handkerchiefs.

Perfect Creature

The setting looks like London in the 1800s, but is in reality an alternate reality New Zealand. I knew it the second I saw it. One renegade vampire is going around sucking on humans, which makes the general unwashed population extremely jittery. No human has ever been attacked by a vampire, so The Brotherhood has to stop the rogue before the humans turn on the vampires.

Perfect Creature

The head vampire, nicely dressed and sporting a downtown haircut, goes after his brother, Edgar the bad vampire who wants to F stuff up. His plan is to suck the blood of an influenza-infected stink human, let it marinate with his vampire blood, then intentionally leak it into the city’s water supply, thereby F-ing stuff up.

Perfect Creature

A police chief chick is also on the case and sustains a near-fatal attack by Edgar. But Silus (the head vampire) uses his blood to save her as it has healing powers aplenty. Why the vampire’s blood is not used to cure the influenza outbreak apparently never occurred to anyone.

Perfect CreatureThe vamp’s flu blood makes people go rage ass crazy before they die. (I did a shot of it with a Budweiser™ back and all it did was make me want more.) For a vampire movie to not suck is ironic as vampires need to suck in order to exist, making it one of those “life imitates art” doohickeys. Doohickey is a real word, so don’t even go there.

Physician to the Mutants

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Deep in the Darkness

Deep in the Darkness (2014) is a creature horror feature adapted from the 2004 book of the same name (what are the odds?) by Michael Laimo.

Lurking Fear

While Laimo has stated his novel was influenced by the 1973 horror movie Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, it really smells more like H.P. Lovecraft’s short story The Lurking Fear (1922), which was fitted for VHS in 1994 by Full Moon Entertainment as Lurking Fear.

Lurking Fear is about mutant humanoid creatures – which lurked pretty cool – living underneath a church-sanctioned graveyard. Holy holes!

Bleeders / Dark Heritage

And since we’re digging deep in the darkness (aka, my soul), the 1997 Canadian horror movie Bleeders (aka, Hemoglobin), is another take on the H.P. Lovecraft story about sub-dwelling mutant-esque creatures (aka, the Van Dam family) who have become deformed and bloodthirsty from centuries of inbreeding.

Then there’s the obscure Dark Heritage: The Final Descendant (1989), which is also (unofficially) adapted from H.P. Lovecraft’s story.

Whew – I thought I was gonna have a Scanners (1981) exploding head moment trying to get that all out.

Scanners

Now that you know the premise, Deep In The Darkness, using the above as a business model, has a big town (Manhattan)  doctor moving to a small town (New Hampshire) that harbors an icky secret: mutated creatures living in caves in the woods.

Deep in the Darkness

A really small town (population: 1,700+), New Hampshire seems caught in time and doesn’t even have cable TV. (How do they live?!?) But as Dr. Michael Cayle acclimates to life without television, he discovers the dirty secret – there are creatures called Isolates infesting the town.

Deep in the Darkness

But these ick creatures have a Martial Law resolute: They control the entire town and demand sacrifices in exchange for allowing people to live. Okay, why isn’t anybody calling U-Haul™ and getting the ick outta there?

Deep in the Darkness

As the doctor is a medical dude, the grunt-and-growling man-creatures capture him and take him into their cave hole to help a female ick creature give birth. Upfront I’ll just say a muddy cave used for living space and bathroom-y stuff is the farthest distance from a sterile medical environment as you can get this side of a Manhattan sewer.

Deep in the Darkness

The creatures kill citizens in gory fashion and go all out to keep the doctor from fleeing with his wife and kid. Even so, Deep In The Darkness is a “meh” movie experience despite the ick factor. Pretty much the same with the aforementioned movies. Read H.P. Lovecraft’s story instead and avoid the sewer.

Bloody Good Horror

Posted in Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Strange Blood

First look at Strange Blood’s ad poster reminds one of 2013’s Contracted, a stand-out horror indie that dealt with the theme of something super icky gone wrong with your fluids that makes your eyes bloodshot-y, your mouth lips all gunked up and unsmoochable and your face highly unattractive to stare at.

Contracted

Where the unlucky gal in Contracted acquired her disease through sexual intimacy (i.e., unprotected one night stand), the gent’s infected hemoglobin in Strange Blood is mutated by a super icky parasite that turns him into something even ickier. (Man, that word is almost universal.)

Here’s all about Strange Blood’s ickiness: “When a brilliant but obsessive scientist goes to extremes to develop a universal cure for all disease, he finds himself infected with a bizarre parasite that begins to transform him into a bloodthirsty madman. Time running out, and with the aid of his med student assistant, he must find a way to stop the monster that is growing within and prevent the rest of the world from being ‘cured.’”

Strange Blood

While the term “bloodthirsty madman” hardly makes anyone blink in these jaded times, it still applies, but only as syllables. The infected scientist takes it to the extreme and, like the mutating guys in The Fly (1958, 1986) before him, can pretty much forget about dating anything swimming in his former gene pool.

Strange Blood arrives on VOD April 28, 2015 and later on DVD June 2, 2015, hopefully in a hygenically-sealed wrapper.

Hell’s Log Ride

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Ferryman

The Ferryman (birth name Charon) is that scary dude from Greek mythology who runs the canoe service that takes you across the river Styx, right into downtown Hell. But no one rides for free, so if you don’t have any cash or a debit card to pay him, you’re doomed to loiter on the shores of Acheron for 100 years. Sadness abounds.

The Ferryman

So the Ferryman has come to collect on this fat old guy who doesn’t want to go to Hell. But F-Man has this cool ability to move into other bodies, which, as you can imagine, really f’s things up for everyone else.

The Ferryman

A Tahiti-bound sailboat carrying three couples detours right into some evil fog, responding to an S.O.S. signal where they find an eerie fishing boat with one person on it. They bring the sole surviving fat guy aboard and the fun commences as his soul, with barely an explanation how, can enter the body of any male or female. When he goes into a chick, he gets to touch that fuzzy private area.

The Ferryman

To accomplish this he first has to stab the body he intends to occupy with a magical dagger. The wounds heal miraculously fast…WITHOUT A BAND-AID™! Right there that would’ve been my signal to abandon ship. But as he bounces around each person, the madness, violence and blood-distributing gets insanely intense. Warning: If you like dogs, DO NOT watch the dog scene. If you’re more of a cat person, then go right ahead.

The Ferryman

Somehow it’s figured out that the fat guy’s soul is doing all the wife-swapping and in a genius maneuver, gets the tables turned on him big time. When the Ferryman comes to claim his lard-y essence, he shows up looking like a very wet Freddy Krueger, but with a sea cloak instead of a color-coordinated red and green sweater.

The Ferryman

The Ferryman (2005) features LOTS of screaming and hemoglobin and not much else. The ending, though, will make you smile as though you just swapped bodies with a porn star.