Archive for health insurance

Human Centipede 3: Back Door Man

Posted in Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

Can’t bring yourself to watch Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) yet? I hear you – I can’t get through the trailers without my gag reflex kicking in. And I’m still wondering how they got 499 people to get on their hands and knees and stick their faces in each other’s b-holes for the sake of furthering their movie careers. (Seriously, do you want the film credit of “Ass Mouth #209” on your resumé?)

While HC3 is now available on VOD, on the off chance you don’t wanna stick your face in it, here are four new ad posters, all of which I’m sure will get banned by some uptight b-hole. The first one is fairly gag-inducing once you comprehend what you’re looking at.

The next two are self-explanatory on a visual level. Bonus – naked chick! Not bonus – everything else.

Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

The last one, while obscured, still gets the point across. And just what is the point? To explore uncharted medical territories for the advancement of health insurance rates? My guess is it’s to make the most offensive movie ever made.

Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

To underscore the argument, gave H3C a 3.2 out of 10 rating, while Rotten Tomatoes gave it 7%. But wait – MetaCritic awarded a staggering 1% rating to the crappy (sorry) franchise installment.

Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) is one hour and 43 minutes long. Bet you can’t make it through the last 10 minutes.

Brown Bag Demonic Possession

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Vatican Tapes

The Vatican Tapes, a horror movie about demonic possession and the mocking of the collection plate, is scheduled for release May 22, 2015. Praise be unto film distributors.

There have been a number of religion based horror (or horror based religion) lately. Too many for me to list as I’m hungry and would rather research a sandwich made with hole-y cheese. (Heh.) And since no movie about demon possession can ever top The Exorcist (1973), the rest come across as savory as a communion wafer. But hey, whatever floats your soul.

The Vatican Tapes

The Vatican Tapes concerns the haunting tale of 27-year-old Angela Holmes, who accidentally cuts her finger and ends up in the emergency room. Man, I hope she has insurance because the emergency room is out-of-pocket expensive. And the waiting room stinks, filled with the stench of pension drunks filled with holy spirits (i.e., $2 fortified wine).

Anyway, infection sets in and leads to erratic behavior, and Angela has a devastating effect on anyone in her general direction, causing serious injury and death. Both can be harmful to your long-term health.

The Vatican Tapes

Priests, who took the vow of silliness, examine Holmes and believe she is possessed. But when the Vatican is texted to exorcise the demon, the possession proves to be an ancient satanic force more powerful than they imagined.

The Vatican Tapes

Movies with this theme all seem to operate under the same business model and come across as pointless given the inevitable set-up: Good vs. Evil, blah, blah, blah. Ironic that most possessions can be attributed to $2 fortified wine. More so when chugged from the Chalice of Benediction, which usually comes in a handy twist top bottle and conveniently wrapped in a brown paper bag.