Archive for Happy Hour

Extraterrestrially Inebriated, Social Media Monstrosity, Space Spouse

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, paranormal, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 15, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

On July 8, 2023, we celebrate the 76th anniversary of America’s most famous UFO story: The Roswell Incident. That’s when in 1947, rancher W.W. “Mac” Brazel discovered wreckage from an illegally parked flying saucer on his remote ranch just outside of the municipality of Conspiracyville, or “Corona, NM.” (Note to purists: Mac actually found the extraterrestrial debris field on July 6, but his mechanical horse ran out of petrol coming into town to report it.)

Since that time, one billion million UFO sightings have been reported, some even sober. That’s right — according to the National UFO Reporting Center™ (located in Washington State, where I live and see alien spacecraft ALL THE TIME), statistics suggest these reports are made by…drunk people. According to The Economist, “The National UFO Reporting Center receives tens of thousands reported sightings of UFOs, with the majority happening on Fridays, in the West, and during…drinking hours.” (See official-looking graph.)

In an article in The Atlantic, journalist Derek Thompson presents his theories: “Utah, the state with the lowest beer consumption by far, has a higher share of UFO sitings than North Carolina, the state with the highest beer consumption. Washington, the state where you’re most likely to report a UFO, drinks less alcohol than all but six states. It’s plausible that people don’t see UFOs while they’re working or sleeping because they’re working indoors and completely unconscious.”

So while we crack six or more tall boys and stumble outside during prime time UFO viewing hours and submit our Happy Hour sightings at the top of our lungs to the NURC™, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-movies that may or may not be made better by drinking…

MEAN SPIRITED February 27, 2023 (VOD)

“After receiving an invitation to his estranged friend’s mountain cottage, a wannabe vlogger aims to bury the hatchet with their now-celebrity friend who isn’t quite himself anymore.”

Social Media Horror [ soh-shuhl mee-dee-uh hawr-er ] / noun, stu·pid·er, stu·pid·est. Tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless; annoying or irritating.

STATIC CODES / June 1, 2023 (VOD)

“A man’s wife was abducted by aliens 10 years ago during a car accident which left him paralyzed from the waist down. Given up on life, he has become consumed with only one mission: finding his wife.”

Why?

THE HOUSE AMONG TREES / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“A hybrid of modern crime fiction and classic horror story, The House Among The Trees follows three low-level burglars who accidentally uncover a small town’s dark secrets after breaking into a secluded house.”

All small towns have dark secrets, some darker than others. For instance, the dark secret in my small town is…ME.

THE GRANDMOTHER / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Susana must leave her life working as a model in Paris and return home to Madrid after she learns that her grandmother Pilar — who raised her as her own after her parents died — has had a cerebral hemorrhage. Upon returning home, Susana attempts to find a long-term caretaker for Pilar, but what should be just a few days ends up becoming a genuine nightmare after Susana notices Pilar start to act strangely.”

If I needed a caregiver, I’d want it to be a Parisian supermodel. That would make me hemorrhage…but not in the cerebellum.

Hell vs. Heaven vs. Hell

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Restless

YI Kwak, a 924 AD demon hunter in the royal demon-hunting squad of Chuh-yong-dae, just lost Yon-hwa, his steady arm candy/fiancée to evil demons. Beats having her dump you and then doing it with one of your friends.

The Restless

YI Kwak, whose name sounds like the noise a dyslexic demon-hunting duck would make, is freakin’ p*ssed. This spells bad news for demons, evil or not, as YI Kwak has the ability to see the dead, whereas his contemporaries do not. This makes him not only a valuable addition to the warrior squad, but carries a semblance of job security.

The Restless

YI Kwak and his squad are making headway against the forces of darkness, which at times look like guys in futon sheets. Regardless of thread count, they are STILL EVIL. Still not satisfied, YI Kwak somehow ends up in Joongcheon (or “Midheaven”), the Land of the Dead, while investigating a shrine with no noticeable bathrooms. Joongcheon is that waiting room between Hell and Heaven and Hell (or, in today’s vernacular, between your job and Happy Hour). This is where souls have to wait 49 days before they can be reincarnated. I don’t know why, those are the rules.

The Restless

Guess who YI Kwak runs into? Guess who has no previous memory? Guess how long he has to wait until he gets second base privileges again? YI Kwak also bumps into his former teacher Ban-chu (what is it with these people and their messed up names?), who is about to lead a rebellious coup on behalf of the demons and a plan to get out of Midheaven and into Outerheavern, where they will cause much grief and the knocking over of stuff.

The Restless

The Restless (2006) is a lush, stylized fantasy with no blood spilling worth blogging about. While I’d rather look into the glowing red eyes of evil than have to endure any more of YI Kwak and Yon-hwa gazing longingly into each others’ eyes, this ain’t a half bad time waster.

Happy Hour Fairies

Posted in Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Photographing Fairies

A turn of the Century photographer who loses his wife of 24-hours to a giant crack in the earth and who makes a living out of family portraits (no weddings, though, what with the “new wife just lost” thing) and exposing film trickery of alleged fairies. How these elements are connected isn’t revealed until the lame-ass end. But I digress through run-on sentences.

Photographing Fairies

One day a woman offers a picture of her daughters playing with a fairy and asks the photographer to disprove it. He can’t – and that super ticks him off. So he goes to the village where the photo was shot and discovers the mythical creatures are indeed real.

Photographing Fairies

Since fairies are invisible to the non-Lasiked eye, only by eating a special flower can one enter “slow time” (I call this “g-e-t-t-i-n-g d-r-u-n-k”), which notches down the senses, enabling one to view the speedy little fruit flies. Ironically, he eats the flower while sitting in a pub and drinking a beer and discovers the portal to a new world (I call this “Happy Hour”).

Photographing Fairies

As misleading as this movie title is, Photographing Fairies (1997) does have nice cheese ball special effects effects and a cool psycho performance by Ben Kingsley as a non-believing reverend. OK, I’m off to that flower ’n beer bar…