Archive for hamburgers

Nightmare King, Porno Slasher, Ghost Mom

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nightmare King

It’s one thing to eat fast food and later get nightmares. But it’s entirely another thing to have a fast food chain tell you up front their burgers will give you nightmares. Genius, and yet unsettling, both to your mind and lower intestines.

Nightmare King

Burger King™, hot on the heels of their Scary Black Cherry Frozen Fanta™ drink for this year’s Halloween season, is now selling the Nightmare King™ (great name), a hamburger with green buns (there’s a joke in there somewhere) that’s designed to make you freak out in your sleep. Time to throw out your Freddy Krueger spring rolls.

Nightmare King

A review from CNBC.com: “The Nightmare King hase a ghoulish green bun and is filled with grilled beef, crispy chicken, bacon, American cheese and mayonnaise. And Burger King is actually claiming that the Halloween sandwich will induce nightmares, having tested it with 100 people over ten nights. The study revealed a 3.5 time increase in nightmares.

Nightmare King

It’s the combination of protein and cheese that leads to vivid dreams, according to Dr. Jose Gabriel Medina, a somnologist and the study’s lead doctor, according to an online release. People’s Rapid Eye Movement (REM) cycles were interrupted, a time when most people dream.”

Nightmare King

So they actually went out and found a doctor to validate their marketing. Wonder if they hired Republicans to cook ‘em? And before you race to Burger King™ to shell out $6.39 for one of these bad dream burgers (available October 22, 2018 while stocks last), here are a few upcoming horror that may or may not be as scary as green buns…

The Clovehitch Killer

THE CLOVEHITCH KILLER (November 16, 2018)
Tyler is a good kid, a boy scout, raised by a poor but happy family in a small, religious town. But when he finds his dad, Don, has disturbing pornography hidden in the shed, he starts to fear that his dad might be Clovehitch, an infamous serial killer that was never caught. Tyler teams up with Kassi, a teenage outcast who’s morbidly obsessed with the Clovehitch legend, to discover the truth in time to save his family.”

Porn is disturbing and a religious town isn’t? Seems they got their priorities out of whack. They probably should let Clovey get in there and straighten everyone out.

The Prodigy

THE PRODIGY (February 8, 2019)
“Pulling from The Omen and The Bad Seed, the feature tells the story of a young mother who, concerned about her 8-year-old son’s disturbing behavior, thinks something supernatural may be affecting him.”

Pulling from The Omen (1976) and The Bad Seed (1956)? How about bold-face ripping off? And just so we’re clear here, disturbing behavior is what 8-year-old kids do for a living. If you own and operate one of those things, expect it to continue for at least another 10 years.

The Final Wish

THE FINAL WISH (2018/2019)
“Aaron is struggling lawyer who returns home following the passing of his father to help his devastated mother and confront his past demons. Sifting through his father’s belongings, Aaron stumbles upon an Urn which is far more than it seems. As his desires and wishes start coming true, Aaron thinks his prayers have been answered until he learn the sinister price that comes with THE FINAL WISH.”

A can of beer has pretty much the same effect. And when you’re wishes run out, BUY ANOTHER CAN OF BEER. This isn’t rocket science, people.

The Curse of La Llorona

THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA (April 19, 2019)
“Ignoring the eerie warning of a troubled mother suspected of child endangerment, a social worker and her own small kids are soon drawn into a frightening supernatural realm. Their only hope to survive La Llorona’s deadly wrath may be a disillusioned priest and the mysticism he practices to keep evil at bay, on the fringes where fear and faith collide.”

There’s been about a dozen takes on the La Llorona Mexican folklore, which is about the ghost of a woman, who lost her children, cries while looking for them in the river, often causing bad luck/headaches for anyone who hears her spectral bellyaching. Note to ghost moms — the river is not a good babysitter.

Udder Horror

Posted in Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Isolation

Dan Reilly is a farmer. But unlike ’Ol MacDonald, who also had a farm, In Isolation (2005), Dan is severely broke, so he has to rent his cows out for genetic research. That, or lose his late father’s farm, full of knee deep mud and cow poop. (Hey Dan — have you though about growing popcorn trees?)

Isolation

Bovine Genetics Technology has been paying him cash to inject his one of his pregnant cows with a serum that will make them grow faster and produce juicer hamburgers. The opening scene has a research scientist sticking her arm (all the way up to her shoulder) into a cow’s outgoing hay chute. Why, oh why didn’t I turn off the DVD player right then and there?

Isolation

Something bit her hand. I’m’ thinking it was a baby alligator ’Ol MacDonald flushed down the sewer and one of Dan’s cows ate it and…sorry. Later, the cow goes into labor and the calf gets stuck between cowhole and freedom. The scene where Dan and a young couple on the run found squatting near his property assist the delivery process is one of the ickiest horror scenes ever scene. It’s almost enough to make you swear off juicy cow burgers and baby alligators.

Isolation

The newborn abomination, horribly disfigured by science, makes with the biting, which results in a nail gun defense strategy. Dan is the opposite of happy. He expresses this to the doctor who is wrecking his burger factories. But science cannot be denied, nor can the parasitic embryos still alive in the dead cows.

Isolation

As in The Thing (1982), it’s determined that no one can leave the farm, as the science cow is loaded with infectious what-nots and has the distinct probability of destroying humanity, vegetarians included. While you never get to see science cow in all its inside-out glory, this thing seems to be all teeth, causing udder, uh, utter chaos as it goes on the attack.

Isolation

It should be stated that crawling under the floorboards of a barn where cows turn hay into Texas pancakes is disgusting beyond belief, yet necessary for one’s survival. Only one makes it out alive. Who was it — the cow, the doctor, Dan, the squatter guy who knocked up his girlfriend after the cow bit him? The knocked up girlfriend? I’d crawl under a wet, infected barn before I ever told you.