Archive for grasshoppers

Godzilla vs. Science Mumbo Jumbo

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 18, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla vs. Science

A recent (as of June 17, 2017) article written by Dan Zinski on Screenrant.com had famed (and darned entertaining) celebrity scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining why the existence of Godzilla is scientifically impossible. And yet we have over 50 movies featuring Godzilla stomping all over science. Why would movies lie to us?

Godzilla vs. Science

Dr. Tyson goes on to say that “Godzilla could never exist outside of a fictional universe because the laws of physics simply would not allow for it. Essentially, a lizard-like being as huge as Godzilla would be too heavy for his limbs and would collapse under his own weight.”

Did he just call Godzilla fat?

“As you get bigger,” he says, “your weight goes up according to your column. But the strength of your limbs goes up only according to your cross-sectional area — so it’s a matter of area versus volume.”

Godzilla vs. King Kong

Godzilla would collapse under his own weight into a puddle of guts. It’s why heavy animals have thicker legs. So you can’t just scale up an insect and make them big.”

Try telling that to those bus-sized grasshoppers in The Beginning of the End (1957). But I’m skeptical over his cross-sectional statement because, depending on the species, a mere ant can lift 10 to 50 times its own weight. Scale ‘em up to 7-Eleven™ size as in Them! (1954) and the physics go out the window.

Beginning of the End / Them!

But Dr. Tyson’s argument flames the fans a bit more: “It completely negates half the horror movies of the 1950s…”

Perhaps. But Dr. Tyson does allow for a loophole that allows the Godzilla movies to get away with having a giant lizard who, in reality, would not be able to support his own weight. And this clause is radiation.

Godzilla vs. Science

From the article: “Godzilla was awakened by radiation and given super-powers. Like Spider-Man, Godzilla was altered on a sub-atomic level and is now capable of doing things that he should not be able to do, like stomp on buildings, breathe fire and withstand endless attacks with missiles, bombs and all the other weapons humanity can concoct.”

Swish— nothin’ but net! So yes, Godzilla can exist outside of a fictional universe. Now we can all calm down. Watch Shin Gidzilla (2016) with its annoying sub-titles, and marvel over nature’s miracle as it squashes us like we’ve been doing to ants for millenia.

Megoladon vs. School Bus

P.S. The Megalodon shark — PROVEN by fossils — grew up to 60 — 75 feet long. Where’s your science argument now, lab coat?

Giant Bug vs. Enormous Bug

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 4, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Deadly Mantis

There is only one thing The Deadly Mantis (1957) has over the almost identical Them! (1954), a nuclear monster movie hailed by the American Film Institute as one of the greatest sci-fi movies of all time: The bug looks cooler. Yeah, I said it.

The Deadly Mantis

The giant ants in Them! look like someone stuck pipe cleaners into a couple of potatoes and spray-painted ’em with Rust-oleum™. The giant mantis in The Deadly Mantis looks exactly like a mantis, all alien-esque, spindly and icky. (While we’re on the subject, The Outer Limits Zanti Misfits (1963) look more like what ants are supposed to look like minus the big bulging eyeballs, though I’ve seen a few of those things crawling around just after last call.)

The Zanti Misfits

Taking the page-by-page format of the “giant insects eat civilization” right out of the Them! playbook, the title 200 foot-long Mantidae (biology name) was de-iced after a volcano thawed it from its icy cube in the North Pole. (I didn’t know they had active volcanoes in the North Pole. Snowball fights, yes; but lava?)

The Deadly Mantis

The military stationed up there (building a massive early detection network) sustains severe preliminary damage as the mantis feeds itself on mess hall chow (servicemen). Then it flys south, theorized to be heading to South America where I here it’s warmer than the North Pole and more suitable for getting an all-around tan. (Note to self: Use that tanning salon coupon before it expires.)

The Deadly Mantis

On its way for a vacation, the mantis buzzes Washington, D.C., and takes a poop rest on the Washington Monument, totally mocking visiting hours. Jets are dispatched, but the launched missiles rarely connect with their exoskeleton target. (Note to the city down below: the air force was just trying to help, man – get over it.)

The Deadly Mantis

One heroic pilot accidentally rams his jet into the bug due to London-grade fog that seems to be covering the entire East Coast, ejecting before ka-BOOM! The mantis hits the ground and crawls into the Manhattan Tunnel, mimicking the giants ants that took up homeless camp residence in the vast Los Angeles drainage tunnels and mocking New York Port Authority’s toll charges. The bail-out pilot leads the charge into the tunnel, armed with chemical gas can bombs, and throws it right onto the face of mantis. In your face, deadly mantis!

The Deadly Mantis

But for all its plagiarized similarities to Them!, The Deadly Mantis has two very funny scenes. One is with a bunch of military guys jailhouse rockin’ each other in the rec room as there are no dames around at the North Pole, and the other where a scientist and a dame (visiting journalist covering the story) and a military dude are theorizing how big the monster is, guessing that it’s probably over six-feet tall. This while the mantis is right outside their window and rising up over three stories. I just about crapped sno-cones over that one.

In conclusion, while the sci-fi sorta classic The Deadly Mantis looks good, it isn’t as good as Them!

P.S. For more big bug fun, watch 1957’s Beginning of the End – it features REAL giant grasshoppers. Those things goon me out for some reason.

Beginning of the End