Archive for Goosebumps

The Day The Earth Drew Mud

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 12, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

X The Unknown

X The Unknown (1956) is a British sci-fi kickstarter about a sentient pile of liquid meatloaf that oozes up out of a fissure (or “crack”) in the Earth in search of radiation nutrients on which to feed. Good thing we Earthers have a lot of uranium laying around.

X The Unknown

Discovered during a Scottish military training session to teach soldiers how to use Geiger counters, the crack appears in a dirt pit that looks more like a moto-cross playground full of whiskey throttlers than the scene of a potential holocaust. Get close to the hole, you get flaky waxy skin and pancake sized herpes sores all over your back/face/short life. (Always wash your hands after getting close to holes.)

X The Unknown

Dr. Royston, an English scientist from the conveniently located Atomic Energy Laboratory, investigates when several townsfolk melt after encounters with the chocolate colored couscous. He hypothesizes (guesses out loud) that the living energy form is prehistoric in nature and got trapped underground when the Earth’s pancake crust cooled in its pre-people days. Now it’s really freakin’ starvinated and wants a steaming pile of radiation with a human side salad to feast upon. Good thing we Earthers have a lot of uranium laying around.

X The Unknown

The scientist, military and local police figure out a way to lure the fudge brownie mix back into the crack and blow it up for the benefit of all mankind. And to think all they had to do was drop a car-sized roll of toilet paper into the hole and let the monster wipe itself out.

Blobs

X The Unknown, though, was the precursor for 1958’s The Blob, which beget a sequel (Beware! The Blob/1972), a remake (The Blob/1988), and was the source material for the R.L. Stine Goosebumps™ rip-off book, The Blob That Ate Everyone (1997).

Still, I can’t shake the nagging feeling that I’ve seen this gravy-stained lumpy pile of mashed potatoes before. Sigh. It’s gonna stick in my crack all day long. Oh wait, I know! It looks just like…Dairy Queen™!

Coven Lovin’ From The Oven

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Witchouse II: Blood Coven

Nothing, not even a coven of witches, can stand in the way of progress – in this case, a shopping mall. Before the notorious Covington House can be leveled to make way for YET ANOTHER Starbucks™, they have to resurrect and identify those stinky bodies buried on the haunted grounds.

Witchouse II: Blood Coven

Enter several students from the local university to do DNA testing to determine just how evil the 200 year old bones are. One thing predictably leads to another and before you know it, that pesky Lilith, a busty witch with bad teeth and even badder intentions, has returned to wreak mediocre havoc on those who would disturb her beauty sleep.

Witchouse II: Blood Coven

About as scary as an episode of Goosebumps, Witchouse II: Blood Coven (1999), which rips off Night of the Demons (1988), goes one better than its predecessor – it sucks twice as much. No nudity, no swearing, barely any gore, and some of the lamest dialogue this side of a Drinkin’ & Drive-in box social. Still trying to figure out why I thought watching it was a good idea.

Witchouse II: Blood Coven