Archive for Golem

Mexican Frankenstein

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

Somebody is kidnapping pairs of young hot women and attempting to surgically swap their brains. Seems kinda redundant. Nevertheless, that variety of behavior is illegal.

Only one man could pull off such a medical maneuver: Dr. Frankenstein. Okay, not the real Dr. Frankenstein, but his grandson, Irwin. (You didn’t know Frankenstein had progeny? I’m visibly shocked.) Irwin is 113 years old, but due to his innovative experiments with blood beta blockers, he’s managed to turn back the clock and looks about 40-ish and has suspect hygiene.

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

He offers the same de-oldening serum to several other brain surgeons in return for their help in transplanting the brain of El Santo – Mexico’s greatest pro wrestler/superhero – into the body of Golem, a 7-foot tall black guy with 3% body fat and muscles that would give Popeye bicep envy.

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

In order to lure Santo into his web of medical deceit, Frankenstein has to kidnap Santo’s latest trim, the lovely Alicia. Time to spring into action with his trusted ally, the Blue Demon. These two guys kick so much ass, you’ll actually feel bruised from watching this punching jamboree. And the clothes they wear — Blue Demon sports a double-wide necktie so colorful, rainbows by comparison look like dog crap smeared in an arc across the sky. And Santo’s beige blazer and turtleneck ensemble never gets ruffled when taking on six bad guys at once. Splendid!

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

In a genius move, Irwin Frankenstein turns Golem into Mortis, an unspeaking wrestling giant with a lucha mask and puts him in the ring with Santo. The strategy being that if Santo gets killed during the match, it’s legal. But the Blue Demon has Santo’s back and corners Frankenstein’s crony into revealing the evil doctor’s plans. (He does this by applying a devastating Indian rug burn — flippin’ ouch!)

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

Once again the ring announcer calls the action, expertly pointing out that Mortis just hit Santo in the tracheae and that it’s a forbidden move. Good call as the referee, obscured by forearm smashes, was not witness to the harshness.

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

We know how this all ends. Matters not. Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein (1974) is a great action-packed pro wrestling/superhero/evil scientist story with girls in mini skirts, brain-transplanted zombies and Blue Demon’s electrifying sense of fashion.

Pottery Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Limehouse Golem

Based on the 1994 book Dan Leno & the Limehouse Golem by Peter Ackroyd, The Limehouse Golem horror movie (release date pending 2016) is a spin on the Jack The Ripper hot mess. Yeah, the theme is played, but the movie features none other than Professor Severus Snape, aka “Alan Rickman.”

While Professor Snape was able to handle a variety of Harry Potter’s magical indiscretions, how will the former Death Eater come to terms with the Golem who the press claims is responsible for a “series of gruesome murders shaking the community in the dangerous Limehouse district of London in 1880”? Wand to the ready – Expecto Patronum, b*tch!

As the press release goes, with no genuine leads, the police put the “vastly experienced Detective Inspector Kildare on the case.” Man, I hope Kildare smacks that mean Golem guy double hard.

The Golem

Golem, by the way, is an icon of ancient Jewish folklore, appearing in the 1915 German silent film, Der Golem. (Oddly, the DVD cover says the movie is from 1920. I’m at a loss here.)

The Golem

As the moving picture goes, a 16th Century Prague rabbi brings a clay statue to life to save the Jews from ongoing brutal persecution by the city’s rulers. A kind of Yiddish Pumpkinhead, the molded savior is later found 400 years later in the rubble of an old synagogue (a church you aren’t allowed in) and resurrected once again, this time to be a servant (an early model beer b*tch).

The Golem

When I get around to resurrecting Der Golem, first thing I’d do is change his first name from “der” to “the”, then give him a new coat of paint and take him out for a spin on the pottery wheel. I bet he’d like that. Then I’d command him to smack my enemies – double hard.