Archive for gods

Future Sharks and Penguins

Posted in Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Immortal

The future as represented in Immortal (2004) shows our cities in big time disrepair, a few flying cars, doors that open and shut by themselves like they did/do on Star Trek, and a whole bunch of Eugenics running around. Eugenics (altered humans) is just a fancy way of saying, “Made by Tupperware™.” They come in all sizes and shapes, but none of them are topless, except that Egyptian cat-face chick. Nice future genetics, but she needs a shave.

Immortal

Over the city hovers a giant pyramid. Within the pyramid are gods. One of those gods is Horus, one of mankind’s creators. Horus (naked and having the head of a hawk) is being put to death because he’s shown a weakness for human flesh. (Geez, how am I still here?)

ImmortalThe plan is to mate with woman and leave behind a progeny who will someday avenge him. The god has non-consensual sex with some punk rock chick with anger issues. She doesn’t like that. But it takes a few times at bat before he’s guaranteed a rug rat. Hold the space phone — something is after her and the god: a mutated, slimy red hammerhead shark that can swim on walls.

Immortal

Then there are the penguins that walk across the snow and slowly turn into humanoid life-forms, but discover they can’t waddle through the electric fence. Then there’s the blue bath water that permanently stains human flesh. And this is to say nothing about the hovercrafts that look like anti-gravity versions of my car, complete with rust, three-year-old gum in the glove compartment, expired tabs and windshield wipers that defy logic.

ImmortalThe Eugenics are computer-generated (I know, an oxymoron) and Immortal’s plot a little tough to keep up with. But there’s techno-boobs, interplanetary sexings, wall sharks, artificial snow penguins and detergent-resistant staining. Why is the future taking so long to get here?

Tight Titans

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 13, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Clash of the Titans

Obscured fantasy/horror classic Clash of the Titans (1981) is one of those cheesy guilty pleasure viewing experiences, right up there with coin-fed adult video machines and looking through my neighbor’s window at night whilst standing on yon garbage can.

Clash of the Titans

Unlike my “power to the peephole” dalliances, Clash doesn’t have boobies. But it does have giant monsters, a flying horse with pigeon wings the size of a really big newspaper opened wide, a reptile woman with snakes for hair (must be hard to comb them) whose glare can turn men to stone, skeletons with swords (that could be a cool metal band name) and the interfering gods from Mt. Olympus who make life a pain for the mortals who are starting to believe in science and technology over some invisible omnipotent overlord in the sky.

Clash of the Titans

The illegitimate son of Zeus (the CEO of the Gods), studly Perseus has to chop off the hand of the swamp demon Calibos. And he has to get the head of the snake-haired Medusa to stop his supermodel princess girlfriend Andromeda from being sacrificed to the giant Kraken monster, which is being released to eat the princess and destroy the city of Joppa by the jealous and manipulative Mt. Olympus gods whom the mortals rightfully mocked.

Clash of the Titans

Oh yeah, there’s an annoyingly cute mechanical owl named Bubo and the aforementioned flying horse Pegasus, who had many opportunities to drop some road apples all over Joppa’s fine chariots from above, but did not do so. Fun, action-packed fantasy movie. Stupid horse.

Clash of the Titans