Archive for ghostbuster

Old Witches, New Demons, Modern Zombies

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead Official Cookbook

There’s an ironic aspect to the AMC’s official cookbook (and survival guide) from The Walking Dead as the only meals on the menu are humans — and they’re eaten tatare, not cooked. Yeah, TWD had non-zombie people butchering other non-zombie people and grilling the succulent carved butt roasts for their protein needs. Unless you came up with a marinade or spices to flesh out (sorry) the flavor, you don’t really need a cookbook. Just heat and eat.

While you chew (sorry) on that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not cleanse the palette…

The Cured

THE CURED (September 9, 2017)
“In the aftermath of a devastating virus which transformed the infected into zombie-like monsters, Mankind is struggling to rebuild societies deeply divided between the uninfected and those who did succumb to the virus and are still haunted by their violent actions. In the backdrop, the rise of a terrorist movement threatens to plunge the world into chaos again.”

This one was formerly titled First Wave. Glad they changed it as it sounded like a surfer movie. The premise echoes that of the The Returned (2013) French zombie movie and subsequent TV series. A thought — if you substituted “virus” with “beer” you get the same results.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER (October 27, 2017)
Steven, a charismatic surgeon, is forced to make an unthinkable sacrifice after his life starts to fall apart, when the behavior of a teenage boy he has taken under his wing turns sinister.

A charismatic surgeon? I bet he’s a real cut-up. Heh.

Demons

DEMONS (October 6, 2017/VOD)
“A psychological thriller that marries elements of The Exorcist, The Shining and The Big Chill, Demons tells of a celebrated fiction writer and former priest who, along with his wife, are tormented by the ghost of her late sister, as the details of her grisly death are slowly uncovered.”

When they say “marries elements of…”, it usually means ripped off. But what do you expect from a premise so overused, they could’ve bought the script from Goodwill™.

Pyewacket

PYEWACKET (2017/2018)
“A frustrated, angst-ridden teenage girl awakens something in the woods when she naively performs an occult ritual to evoke a witch to kill her mother.”

Had to look up “Pyewacket” as it seemed like a made-up word, like “gummy bear” or “Lake Titicaca.” Turns out it’s an actual ghost of a witch, famously outed by Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins back in March of 16444 in the town of Manningtree, Essex, England. I guess this makes Hopkins the first Ghostbuster.

Ghost vs. Ghost

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sadako vs. Kayako

Sadako vs. Kayako (2016) had all the elements to become a supernatural tour de force lock-up worthy of a pay-per-view. (Now that I think about it, that’s what VOD is.) Regardless, the Japanese horror match with Sadako the long black haired ghost chick that crawls out of wells/TV screens from The Ring franchise, and Kayako, the long black hair ghost chick that crawls down stairs on her stomach from the Ju-on Grudge series, should’ve been a box office bonanza for these two iconic ghosts. Instead, it turned into a slow-moving, frightless flick made for teens. To put a sharper point on it, teens are more scary than this movie.

Sadako vs. Kayako

To access these vengeful ghost gals is easy. For Sadako, just watch a cursed video tape. Then the phone rings and it’s Sadako informing you of deadness by death in 48 hours. With Kayako, just poke around the abandoned house where she “lives” with that pasty white kid in diapers who makes cat growl sounds. Once inside, she spider crawls down the stairs and pretty much ends your existence with just a blink of her one eyeball. (Wonder if she wears contacts?)

Sadako vs. Kayako

Two high school chicks learn about Sadako from their urban legends teacher, then later go to a junk shop and buy an old VCR, which just happens to have the cursed tape still in it. Like all teens they burn it onto a disc and upload it to the Internet, where it goes viral. Now that’s some efficient population control. Of course, one of the girls actually watches the tape and the phone rings. Nice not knowing you.

Sadako vs. Kayako

Over at Kayako’s house, four young school boys go inside and…school’s out forever. This was witnessed by the teen girl across the street who is made stinky by the curse of Kayako. And now we have the dots in place to connect how this movie is supposed to work.

Sadako vs. Kayako

A botched exorcism with the girl earmarked for death introduces us to Keizo Tokiwa, a ghostbuster with psychic powers, who whips his hand around the doomed victim to expel said curse. Doesn’t always work. Must not be whipping hard enough. The die-now-pay-later teen kills herself with a belt wrapped around her neck instead of sagging britches. This leaves the unkilled friend and the girl across the street whose parents Kayako just ghosted (in a confusing sequence that made about much sense as the little boy who talks like a wet cat) to all gather at the Kayako’s house for the big showdown.

Sadako vs. Kayoko

And here’s where all the pointlessness could’ve been salvaged — the two scariest poltergeists in Japan’s movie history finally facing off. Keizo theorized that the ghost gals would cancel each others’ curses when their disparate energies collide. Guess what didn’t happen? Their first meeting had them evenly matched and nothing really happens except a lot of flailing black hair and everyone ending up in the well outside. (Who even has one of those in a middle class neighborhood? If I was middle class, I might consider having one installed — without the bucket retrievable curses.)

Sadako vs. Kayako

With no pay-off, Sadako vs. Kayako is a BIG let-down. There was so little screen time for both S and K, you wonder how someone justified their names being used in the title. They must have good agents.

Bogged Down With Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Marsh

As a successful author of fantasy children’s books, the fetching Claire Holloway keeps having hot flashes about a spooky old house. Searching on the Internet, she finds the domicile of her nightmares in a small town and rents it. Once inside, Claire is visited by a little dead girl that looks like she spent too much time in the bathtub. Then there’s that teenager ghost boy with demon eyes and black gunk dripping out of his mouth. Typical teen.

The Marsh

These visitations are increasing, so she finds a paranormal investigator (most small gossip towns have one) and all steaming heck starts to break loose. The paranormal guy actually sees the ghosts, so any of Claire’s drinking-wine-and-seeing-things is ruled out. As she does her CSI bit, she discovers that years ago two bodies – that of a little girl and a teenage boy – were found in the local marsh, no doubt covered in dirty swamp leaves and bugs.

The Marsh

Back at the haunted house, the killing room re-shapes itself and suddenly becomes a replay of what the heckaroo happened that caused the ghosts to get all ghost-y ’n stuff. Seems some teens were having a party, smoking hard drugs and drinking bottles of the Devil’s Mouthwash (beer, to you outta towners). Two little girls were playing upstairs as the skank chick doing the partying downstairs was SUPPOSED to be baby-sitting. One of the sexually repressed teen boys tries to make out with the skank, but she won’t put out. (Now she decides to get morals?) Dejected and wearing his frustration pants, he goes upstairs to where the little girls are playing and… Take a guess.

The Marsh

A showdown between the ghost and Claire’s repressed memories boils over into a rather generic paranormal confrontation, with lots of blowing wind, yelling and sparks. Ghosts like sparks. The spooks look sufficiently creepy and the scene in the barn with the little dead girl had me believing a big pay-off was coming. Not so much. But hey, now with The Marsh (2005) you have a horror movie you can watch with your mom and not have to explain why girls who take their tops off are so important to the plot.

Legendary Ghost-Busting

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Legend of Hell House

So word comes down the chute that a remake of The Legend of Hell House (1973), one of the scariest haunted house movies you’ll ever see, is in the works. No doubt looking to cash in on the generic ghost movie craze to clog the theatres. (I’m looking in your direction The Conjuring, Insidious 1 & 2, Sinister, The Quiet Ones, Occulus, Dark Skies, The Appearing, The Possession, blah, blah, blah.)

The Legend of Hell House

While I’d rather not see another re-boot butcher job done to a horror classic, let’s see if Hollywood can top this: a scientist with really cool ghost-busting gadgetry teams up with a couple of mediums (i.e., unemployed clairvoyants) to solve the mystery of Hell House. Referred to as the “Mt. Everest of haunted houses,” the ghost, or “ghosts” that actually spook the infamous Belasco House is in constant question.

The Legend of Hell House

Whoever invisible is scaring the complete crap out of everyone’s chute, manages to have sex with one of the occult chicks and gets another one – the wife of the scientist – to take off her clothes in a very unscientific manner in front of Roddy McDowall, the only clairvoyant survivor of the first investigation 20 years ago.

The Legend of Hell House

The brilliantly chilling Legend of Hell House still holds up over four decades after its release and still scares the complete crap out of whomsoever’s chute dares to watch it – mine included.