Archive for GHost Train

Affordable Sharks, Maniac Babysitters, Killer TV

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark Hotel

Shark Hotel, unfortunately, is not a real movie, though it should be. The homage to the old lurid VHS cover art was expertly designed by Rob Schrab.

There’s a real Shark Hotel, though. It’s in the UK (there’s also one in Sydney, Australia), and looks to be perfect for those traveling abroad on a budget made of shoestring. Here’s the bait: “Featuring marine-themed murals and mood lighting, the casual cabin-style rooms sleep up to 4 guests (2 in bunk beds), and include free Wi-Fi, flat-screen TVs, and tea and coffee-making facilities. Shark Hotel is on the edge of Fleet Lake within the Thorpe Park theme park. This quirky hotel with a shark-shaped entrance and is a 5-minute walk from Derren Brown’s Ghost Train and two miles from the M25 motorway. A breakfast buffet and parking are free, while fast-track access to rides is also offered. There’s an informal restaurant/bar.”

Shark Hotel

Sharks, ghosts, bunk beds and an informal restaurant/bar? This sounds like the British version of Disneyland. Whilst I rummage around for holiday shillings (probably some stashed under my kip — look it up), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as entertaining as an informal restaurant/bar or a British bunk bed…

The Babysitter

THE BABYSITTER (October 13, 2017/Netflix™)
“Cole is madly in love with his babysitter, Bee. She’s cool and awesome in all the ways Cole is not. One evening while Bee is babysitting, Cole witnesses the unthinkable. Now he must survive a night full of first kisses, first broken hearts, and first encounters with homicidal maniacs.”

So the object of Cole’s pants desire is a homicidal maniac. As babysitting techniques go, you can’t argue with its effectiveness.

Slasher: Guilty Party

SLASHER: GUILTY PARTY (October 17, 2017/Netflix™)
“In the remote Canadian winter wilderness, a group of former summer camp counselors are forced to return to the isolated campground to retrieve evidence of a crime they committed in their youth. Before long the group, and the camp’s latest inhabitants — members of a spiritual retreat with their own secrets to hide — find themselves targeted by someone — or something — out for horrific revenge.”

A masked killer with a sharp hunting knife is hunting down young girls for Cuisinarting purposes. Where have I heard that before? Oh, I know — about 3,000 same-themed movies ago.

All I See Is You

ALL I SEE IS YOU (October 27, 2017)
“Gina and husband James have an almost perfect marriage. After being blinded as a child in a nearly fatal car crash that claimed her parent’s lives, Gina depends on James to be her eyes-a dependence that appears to solidify their passionate relationship. It seems the only real hardship this loving couple faces is difficulty conceiving a child but when Gina is given the opportunity to have a corneal transplant and regains her vision, their life and relationship are upended. Gina now sees the world with a new sense of wonder and independence which James finds threatening. It is only when Gina suddenly begins to lose her sight again that she finally realizes the disturbing reality of their marriage and their lives.”

The lively Blake Lively stars in this one. Last time I saw her, she was being manhandled by a crazy mad shark (The Shallows/2016). Now it looks like she’s about to face off with a marriage shark. Those, I hear, are crazy mad.

The Murder Show

THE MURDER SHOW (2017/2018)
“A journalist’s search for clues leading to his sisters disappearance lands him on a disturbing hidden website inside the deep web called The Murder Show. He soon finds himself being stalked by the twisted psychopaths that run the site.”

There are twisted psychopaths on the Internet? Why in Steve Jobs’ name didn’t anyone tell me? I’ll have to be careful where I click and impulse shop.

Choo-Choo Boo

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Train

If you find a boarding pass on the Tokyo suburb commuter train platform where people spit and walk around with Shiatsu poop on their shoes, DON’T PICK IT UP. Besides countless germs, a ghost lady will appear and say, “Give me what is mine,” and you’ll become a ghost, too. But not just a regular ghost; rather one with evil eyes, evil dark circles under said eyes and pale white onion evil skin.

Ghost Train

Nana, a high school student, has a little sister. Up until today, anyway. Her sister found the boarding pass at the station and the next day she was gone. The day before that another little kid vanished. In fact, a bunch of people have gone missing over the years.

Ghost Train

This explains why a busy station appears to be empty most of the time. Reviewing the security tapes officials notice a shadowy figure stalking the victims. They explain the aberration as a trick of the light. Yeah, a trick of the light that will EAT YOUR BRAINS. There’s a whole lot of blah, blah, blah before the story finally starts to unfold.

Ghost Train

Finding a hole in the tunnel wall, Nana ventures forth to find more labyrinth tunnels. It’s here she finds her sister — on top of a literal mountain of dead bodies. Then the ghost woman shows up. Then the bodies come alive. Then the bodies crawl like arthritic spiders in their general direction.

Ghost Train

A conductor friend gets them aboard a train he just happened to have parked nearby. The bodies crawl all over the tracks in turtle-speed pursuit. Time to hit the gas. While you don’t get to see the bodies crushed and munched under the train wheels, you get to hear it. Sounds like a bowl of screaming Rice Krispies™ played through a Marshall™ amp with extra knobs.

Ghost Train

Ghost Train (2006) features zero blood, some ghost stuff, and really tedious pacing. Horror-lite for commuters. I should go haunt the train station and say, “Give me what is mine,” which is a refund.